A Thread for us Screwed-Up People

Mincan

"I was in the Jehovah's Witness cult you see, and that contained my social constructs well. F*** that, now I'm free. Now my worldview has changed radically in the fundamentals, however, the orbital satellite things remain constant. This presents a challenge, how could one be so wrong? How can one come to the same conclusion but through different foundations? What else am I wrong about. This makes everything grey. Everything. I no longer believe in absolutes. I can't. So I don't have any meaning behind anything thusly. This means I can't negotiate away anything.

I'm suppose this is me trying to jsutify myself. But now this. I never thought in my life that I would be a drinker or a drug user, and then it happened suddenly, in an instant. A lightswitch. I used to be a fundamentalist Christian for god sake. One that believed all of you would be destroyed at Armeggedon. That's no better than George W. Bush.

There is no additude adjustment I can make. It will happen in its own good time. I figure things out eventually, these lightswitches will keep going off, unless I get too addicted to this pot I'm now smoking and lose my precious intelligence."

Oftentimes I feel like the best years of my life were stolen. Oftentimes I feel like the Watchtower has taken, well 20 years of 20 years and some off months of my life away, I want it back. They took everything but my life. Do they want it too! Oh I'll give it to ya! I'll spend my life F***ing you guys over. There is no point, it only hurts me via proxy by mother and other sincere ones trapped in the Absolut Bull.

I can't seem to get my s*** together. It seems to get worse.

I am slowly getting out of this f*** it all lets get high idea... I have plans for the future, it's nobody's business here I guess, but these things are happening.

I used to think the same way about college that the GB do, perhaps I'm better off without it. Why do you think I'm going back to high school when I'm going to be turning 21 in September. The really smart ones though tell you why not? Why not go to college? Even if the world is going to end in ... x. Afterall, one must plan for the future as though Armegeddon will never happen.

Of course believing God was going to save me from any doomsday made my dealing with it all better. Now I don't have the God card any longer...

I consider philosphy from a truly un-biassed viewpoint. Some nights I cry and cry and cry. Life is beautiful.

How can one die in peace? It's crazy thinking like this.

I have felt at certain times that I could die at that instant and be happy that I lived such a good life. It was pretty good I guess. What I usually say when people ask me how I'm doing in normal conversation is: "Better than most, worse than some."

I don't feel like that anymore. Since I stopped living BS and am trying to finally get my s*** together now I don't want to die peacefully. I want to fight to enjoy this realm of the living, this miracle world of consciousness. It's so beautiful, so meaningful, there is such a spiritual side to it all, which has nothing to do with most of manmade religion.

It's wondrous really, and I've been in darkness for my whole life. I want to find some of these things. Life is truly unfair.

Remember what Wesley said to Buttercup "Life is pain! Anyone that says different is selling something."

I have to deal with things like an ADULT. There are very few adults left on this planet. They are all big children now. Those adults watch me, understanding me, but at the same time knowing the reason behing everything I do. It makes me feel assured in some way, but also a bit annoyed. It also keeps me moving along. Afterall, every morning at 5:00 am I say "F*** this job, I don't want it" but I keep going at it. Even through all this s*** I'm doing to myself. I can't believe it really. I have changed as a person in these brief months. It's like all the goodness is being sucked out like bone marrow.

Whenever I'm just about to do a little lightswitch back into adult world. I remember all the facts I've learned, then I return to child world. Obviously I have been using the God card coping mechanism too much. Even before I made such a big deal about the idea that no one would know about my existance, remember how much I said that affected me? That can only mean the God card was extremely comforting. In a sense God keeps people as children. That's how we are supposed to think of ourselves anyway when under that persuasion, as his children, let him tell us how to deal, how to behave, how to...

I post this here because leavning this cult is THE thing that drives everything else I'm doing. I think this is a good lesson on Jehovah Witness Psychology 101...

Cheers!

return visitor

Dude! Take another toke and chill!

eclipse

I don't feel like that anymore. Since I stopped living BS and am trying to finally get my s*** together now I don't want to die peacefully. I want to fight to enjoy this realm of the living, this miracle world of consciousness. It's so beautiful, so meaningful, there is such a spiritual side to it all, which has nothing to do with most of manmade religion.

That was beautiful.

Mincan, if you are only 20 years old, your life is just beginning....

Do you realize how many here would give their left one to have been your age when they finally woke up?

Be glad you got out as young as you did.

You have your life, your health (I hope), and your hopes and dreams, and that's rich beyond measure.

Do something with your life! Anything you want! GO TO SCHOOL! GET A DEGREE! Grab the world by the tail and run with it!

OnTheWayOut

Mincan, I have much bitterness and it is diminishing as time goes by, but I still have it.
I have considered counsel, but have not actually had any for this. I did have counsel
years back before I was a witness because of my drinking/drugging/destructive thoughts.
If you are having such problems, consider going to a therapist. You can vent there about
your anger at the Tower.

Feel free to keep venting here. Misery loves company, and some of us might actually
be offering advice that helps.

I want to know how I could have been so misled. How could I have been so wrong?
How could I have contributed to telling clinically depressed JW's that they would feel
better if they (Warning- standard answer) prayed more, made all their meetings, read their
Bible everyday, went out in field service every week. What a crock. That just made them
feel more guilty that they still felt depressed after doing more, more, more. I do know of
one of them that did commit suicide, fortunately- not from MY advice or counsel.

Oftentimes I feel like the best years of my life were stolen. Oftentimes I feel like the Watchtower has
taken, well 20 years of 20 years and some off months of my life away, I want it back.

I hear ya. Some people lost their prime years of earning money toward retirement and they
sacrificed college. Some were kicked out of Bethel after sacrificing all. The GB really showed
their concern for their Bethel family on that one. The CO in my congo. really showed me how
the organization cares for doubters- when he gave an elder of 12 years and a publisher for nearly
20 years total- 15 minutes to say "straighten up, I don't have time for you."

You can't have the time back, but move on. Make the best of what you have now. Don't stay
in marijuana and booze or whatever. Snap out of it soon and recognize that youhave had things
"Better than most, worse than some." and that Life REALLY is beautiful.

jaguarbass

I wish when I was 20, I knew what you know. God bless the information age. Or maybe that's Man bless the information age.

Gopher

You're only 20. Deep post. (I liked the "Princess Bride" reference.) However it took some of us longer than you to free ourselves -- me, for example. I got out at age 39. I lost more time than you did, and have less time to try and make it all up.

Oh well. I guess I told on myself by coming on this thread for screwed up people.

eclipse

LOL Gopher, you're far from screwed up

Pioneer Spit...oh, i mean Spirit

Dude, life IS finding your way through it. Everyone around you is only doing their best, not necessarily right or wrong. Be a little less hard on yourself and enjoy life. Use your experience as a Hoho as a lesson to accept everything and everyone around you without judgment.

You've got your sh*t together more than you realize.

Anti-Christ

I went through the pot smoking phase to and the drinking phase until I started to realise I was just jumping from one addiction to an other. When you are an active JW you are somewhat "under the influence" so if you don't learn to heal from the JW "experience" you will find an other addiction to replace it. Take one day at a time, use your freedom to get to know who you are and don't worry about god yet, worry about yourself first. Hang in there.

Madame Quixote

Mincan - Good for you, on taking on the task of growing up. All I can say is that whether or not there is a God, you have to live with you, and with the consequences and knowledge of your actions and decisions, whether or not any one else does. If you cut corners and take the lazy way out, others might not know, but you will always know. It is good that you have chosen the harder path - leaving the cushion of a cult religion - because you are the one who must live with yourself and with a complete knowledge of all the actions and inactions you have made in your life. Continue on, with the growth, no matter how painful it might seem to be. Sometimes, what you learn the hard way is what you can teach another, so that they may take a less painful way.

A Thread for us Screwed-Up People

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