HELP!!!

JK666

I am really in need of your help right now.

I have been in a relationship with a woman for 4 years. We have gone through a lot of difficult things together, and always seemed to work it out. But in the last few months things have gotten to the point that I am considering calling it quits.

I have been out of work for two months now, actively looking for a job in my field. I have been in industrial sales for a long time, and finished my BS in Marketing last year. I live in a smaller town with limited opportunities to land a suitable position.

Needless to say this is a depressing situation! My girlfriend is telling me that if I do not get meds for my depression, she will end it. I would like to wait until I find employment because of the cost.

First of all, I am not dead set against getting the meds, my viewpoint has mellowed about this as I am feeling worse with time. I would also like to try to quit smoking, and Wellbutrin could help with both.

BUT . . . the ultimatum that she gave me bothers me. To me, that shows conditional love. I have been showing her a lot of latitude because of her recent instability going through menopause. She has been downright nasty at times, and is a dirty fighter emotionally.

She criticizes and nit-picks until I can hardly stand to be around her. Every thing has to be debated, and I don’t want to argue. She says she is freaked out about me being out of a job, and it is hurting our long range plans. But this doesn’t stop her from borrowing large sums of money from me because of her financial problems.

Our last argument, she made the comment that I should wipe that Jehovah’s Witness smirk” off of my face. Over the past 4 years (I have been out for 6) I shared my insecurities with her about my upbringing in the Org. She then uses it against me to be hurtful.

I talked to her about that remark yesterday and said I didn’t appreciate the low blow. She did not apologize, and justified her saying that.

I am seriously thinking about ending the relationship tonight. Please give me feedback pro or con, as I am very confused. And depressed.

JK

Nathan Natas

She doesn't sound like the kind of person who is able to be a "helper" to you when the chips are down. I say kick her ass to the curb and get some medication. Her presence would only negate the benefits of medication.

OnTheWayOut

You will get opinions here, but ultimately, we don't really know what you should do.
We only have a glimpse of your situation from your current view, and you admit you
ought to be medicated. MY OPINION (not necessarily a recommendation) is that
you should not make any rash decisions until you get the medicine. If she cannot
wait until you are employed, then decide between the two- waiting and allowing her
to leave OR starting on medications. Don't you decide to leave unless you start
taking meds and still feel it is necessary. This way, you won't say that you made
a rash and wrong decision later. You might say she made one, but you can't
control that.

I always advise quitting smoking, but that is one stress more that you might put
off until next week/next month.

Dragonlady76

Yikes!

She is not a keeper for sure, but I think you should look into getting some low cost meds, Walmart now sells some meds dirt cheap, use the net to research for help in your area.

BTW: the dub comment was bad, really bad, I don't normally agree with throwing in the towel until you have done all you can, but this comment really alarms me, getting a bad vibe. Sorry.

AK - Jeff

Sorry to hear of this going sour. That's always a tough one to deal with.

Perhaps you can 'fade' out of the relationship in time - but time is a useful tool in making sure you are not rash in the matter. Can you find work of a differing sort while you determine the direction to take?

Hoping for a good outcome for you, man.

Jeff

Sassy

the dub contact was painful.. although if she was never a dub, no matter how much you explained it.. she might not understand the knife wound she gave you saying it.

I agree with the comment that we dont hear both sides. She is obviously very unhappy too if she is nitpicking and giving ultimatums.. We aren't around you to see what you are like to be on/off your meds.. maybe she is at her wits end dealing with it.. and it sounds like you admit yourself you need them.

Isn't there a free or reduced clinic or something you could go to in order to get meds?

flipper

JK 666- Mr. Flipper here. Lot's of good advice here. On the Way Out is good and Jeff and Sassy, too. I've had experience in a previous relationship (suffered 4 and a half years in it), where the woman said very hurtful things to me dissing my former religion, being an absolute emotional terrorist to me, and generally demeaning me constantly making me feel about 1 inch tall! Although you need to give it time to see how it will work out, you don't want to get in a co-dependent type relationship permanently with ANYONE who makes you consistently feel badly about yourself. You being the codependent and graduallyaccepting her anger constantly would only hurt you in the long run. You'd be living on pins and needles forever! I know, been there done that!. So, you have to ask yourself, honestly, would you be better off with her or without her? Only you can answer that! If you can get couples counseling it would reveal if she was really serious about saving your relationship. And while you do this in the process of making your decision, find some cheap meds, like has been mentioned, and try to see if her communication patterns with you will change. Just out of curiosity, does she do any illegal drugs? I'm talking, meth, speed, aggressive types of drugs. In my former relationship, the woman was a tweeker on meth, thus explaining her aggressive behavior. If that's the case my friend, you are in a no win situation, because that stuff is highly addictive and only 2 out of 10 who do that drug can kick it.Just something to consider for your own safety my friend. Peace to you, Mr. Flipper If you would like to talk privately please feel free to pm me. Would be happy to be a friend and share battle stories or notes. Good luck, buddy, Mr. Flipper

bikerchic

Yikes! Simply ask yourself knowing what you know about her would you recommend her as good girlfriend material to anyone? If the answer is yes then by all means keep her, it the answer is no........

From my experience and my own personal preference relationships with someone you love and who claims to love you should not be difficult on any level especially on an emotional one.

I wish you luck!

DJK

I agree with OTWO. Dont make any decisions while your not in your best state of mental and emotional health.

Welbutrin will take up to 10 days to work, while your waiting, maybe your girlfriend will make the decision for you both.

If she stays, she may benefit from a better hormone treatment.

JK666

Thank you for all of your thoughtful responses.

Flipper, she is not on anything, in fact both of us are in recovery from substance abuse for multiple years. She lately has been taking cheap shots at my program of recovery, and my sponsor in a 12 step program. I have talked candidly with him, expressing both her side of the "depression thing" and mine. She thinks it is chemical, I think it is situational. She tell me he is ignorant on the subject of depression. He is a detective for the police department - I think he has experience dealing with depressed people.

He doesn't think I have a chemical problem either. She tells me I am in denial, and that he doesn't know what he is talking about. I never criticize her program, but the fact is that she hasn't had a sponsor for 3 years, and her last one was a found out to be still on drugs.

Still mulling this over, please give more comments. Thanks!

JK

HELP!!!

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