Hi all,
I have been a lurker for the last year...finally got the courage to post. I guess you could say that I have successfully completed a "fade", although that was not my initial intent.
Due to my being in an "unscriptural" separation for a number of months, (that, combined with my paranoia, hence, the alias) I have been forced to go underground. I CAN say though that I was raised in this religion and am baptised. Because of this I find that I can identify with so much of what I have read here. And I have read ALOT on this forum.
I have seen the attitudes of posters from one end of the spectrum to another and the best that I can determine is that I'm a JW apologist in the vein of Ray Franz, in that I don't quite agree with the outright hostility expressed at times, although I respect everyone's right to express themselves.
However, who am I to judge?
As with all things, it seems that the individual feelings we have towards this religion are the result of how personally we have been affected by it. I know for myself all too well how I have been affected. My life is at a crossroads it seems. My family are all "in" as is my probable-ex. I still get support from my family but they, to individual degrees, remain loyal.(To the religion) I must point out though, that I have no agenda of pulling my family out. I respect them as I hope they respect me.
They are aware of my misgivings but probably chalk it up to my marital problems, which, in truth, HAS been a huge catalyst. However, my doubts have been accumulating throughout my life, intensifying with the "generations" revision up to and through the current U.N. debacle, monetary holdings in arms companies, and so on. I really have only been interested in the "flaws" that I can verify.
That said, I have read most of Coc and have ordered IsoCF. I have seen the JWReform site and agree with the 3 main points of reform, but that will probably change as I research points from IsoCF. I can't quite bring myself to imagine a life in the "world", celebrating holidays and such. If I was'nt a JW, I would probably serve Jehovah in a personal way through how I live my life. I like the morality of the BIBLE (yet, I certainly have committed my share of sins) and, I like others, feel that much of this religion has served as a protection from STD's, child support (YIKES!), etc. But I can counter those good things somewhat by the bad. Lack of free speech (or thought), Invasion of Marriage, and "obscene" shunning (because, in general, even "worldly" people practice it in their own way). Oh, and stunting your social development as a child by instilling an unnatural phobia towards "worldly" people, which I still have today, although it's weakening somewhat.
I hope that my marital situation can be resolved in some fashion soon. I have a tremendous respect for marriage and the not-so-common concept of "working on your marriage", but we are all human and I want to be happy. I thought once that how you conducted yourself under trial in marriage (and life) would be rewarded somehow, but I am beginning to lose that faith.
However, I never could understand ones who left the "truth" and then proceeded to self-destruct. That is not for me. There are some pains I have experienced and I can tell you how it hurts. I don't have to experience the others to know that the result is the same.
So....that's my story. Thanx for (reading) listening.
Bourne
