Well my grandpa just died...

bluesbreaker59

So, I get the call today from my aunt, who still speaks to me, and she fills me in, and tells me the visitation is Friday (I'm not going), and the funeral is Saturday. My dad told her that he wants me to "sit with the family". I never went to pay my last respects to him or talk to him, because he was an elder forever, and I was told he wouldn't speak to me, so I never went and never sent a card, nothing. Now I'm told to come to the funeral and sit by the family, but apparently I'm not supposed to be at the dinner to follow (?)

How does all this stuff work? I have one aunt that will be there (grandpa's daughter) that is also DF'd, and she will also be with the family. I'm just afraid of people coming up to me and telling me to go back to meetings or being "shocked" by my appearance, (I have a goatee now), or my family saying that "they miss me". I miss them too, but I've told them to stop by or give me a ring when in the area, and that I won't go back to meetings "just for family", because that is not what the church teaches is the valid reason for going. I also refuse to have all my thoughts, and actions controlled that strongly again.

So all ye DF'd ones, how'd you handle this sort of situation. The room will be about 85% Dubs, can they speak to me, can I hug my grandma and my stepmom for their loss??? Sorry I'm just a confused young guy.

Dragonlady76

Sorry to hear about your grandpa

I think you should follow your heart on what to do, just remember he is gone and the anger you feel towards him is now pointless, once again listen to your heart.

rebel8

(((((( )))))) Sorry you had such a big loss at a time when your family is acting like drones.

If you want to go (for your own good or to comfort your relatives), enough to put up with the crapola, then go. If not, don't.....and don't feel bad about it either.

Saying "sit with the family but don't come to the dinner" is bullsh1t if you ask me. The dinner is a major part of the grief/saying goodbye process--at least it is in my culture. To say you cannot participate in that, only one part, is bullcrap.

I would think most people going to these sorts of things do hear the "we miss you" bull. I have. I respond with my usual blunt comments, because the people making them are not nice, they are doing it to assert their moral superiority. I'm sure there are those out there who are sincere in their "we miss you" comments, and would be genuinely shocked to see facial hair, just not the dubs I know.

unique1

((((((((HUGS))))))))))

free2think

((((((((((((((((((Bluesbreaker))))))))))))))))

Hugs

ex-nj-jw

((((((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))))))

I'm so sorry about your grandfather. Make the choice to go or not based on how you feel. If you, deep down inside want to go and you don't you will never forgive yourself.

For those who say "I miss you", tell them that you are still here, still alive, give them you number and address and tell them they can visit or call if they want. Remember it's their choice that they are not seeing you. You are no longer are of their religion, so what? Many families co-exist together and are not the same faith. That really pisses me off, I'm upset for you on this one! Don't let their bullying techniques get you down!

Do what feels right to you on this one.

nj

Wordly Andre

Sorry to hear about your grandpa, When my dad died, I was approched by 2 elders they told me that the service was already arranged for my dad and that they were not going to have anyone else go up and say anything, basically Sit down shut up and behave! I wish I would have walked up anyway, I wouldn't have said anything bad but would have just said a rememberance of my dad. I hate the way JW's choose to pick times like this to prove that they are above everyone else, I really hate that about this religion. I wish you lots of luck

bluesbreaker59

The meal thing didn't bother me anyway. Because generally speaking when I attend funerals I don't do the dinner thing anyway. Something about all that death, just makes me lose my appetite. So this really wasn't a big deal for me, plus I have to play that afternoon with my band.

Angry_Kangaroo

So sorry to hear about your grandpa, Also sorry you have to go through something like this.

As far as people at the hall saying they miss you, I'm sure some will. I also think most will keep the contact brief. My mom was disfellowshipped at the time she found out she had cancer, and my grandmother actually consulted the elders before visiting her...they told her under the circumstances it was ok to show compassion. WTF!? I loathe that attitude. It makes going through a loved ones illness or loss of a loved one so much harder. If you really want to go to the service, then go. Don't let hypocrites make you feel uncomfortable. (easier said then done)

BFD

If you decide to go, hug whomever you wish to hug. Hang out with your DF'd Auntie and family and try your best to ignor the drones.

I am sorry for your loss.

BFD

Well my grandpa just died...

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