Is this the correct place for an introduction??

by student1 21 Replies latest jw experiences

  • student1
    student1

    long time lurker from the UK... making my first post ooh scary...The reason posting now is that I need some advice on talking to my jw family and friends, without their walls coming up! Having read this forum for a good year, you all seem to be expert linguists! I want to be like an Indiana jones type character and slip through the sliding door in to the tomb (my sisters brain!) and sow my seeds of doubt before the door shuts forever and I am labelled 'apostate' ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh oh the shame!

    I have stopped going to meetings for about a month now. My Sister has noticed I am happier now and she asked why that was so. Before I knew it I was ranting about the cover ups and the controlling techniques of the borg. She knows how I was never quite the same after my friend got disfellowshipped. I said that I could no longer be an associate with an organisation that persecutes individuals for no longer believing. My sister asked 'what else could the society do to set them apart from the churches?'. I replied that in the case of paedofiles they should report them to the police! She ofcourse doesn't believe paedofiles exist in the borg! 'its all lies' she informed me! The conversation progressed, I explained thinking for myself is a true source of happiness.

    Then suddenly she said 'I must stop you there'! to which I responded 'you asked me!'. She said I do not respect her beliefs - she used the analogy of her muslim boss, saying she would never challenge her boss!

    I screwed up the conversation, I got too jaded about the 'truth'. I hope that if I get another oppertunity I wont mess it up this time!

  • quietlyleaving
    quietlyleaving

    Hi Student

    welcome to JWD. Glad you decided to start posting.

    qtly

  • Mrs Smith
    Mrs Smith

    Welcome to the forum.

    Baby steps works best with JW, if you come to your sister with a question and asking for her help on a specific topic like 607/587 she will still be the JW teacher and you the student. You will be making her think and that's all you need a little seed of doubt. Call her up and tell her your sorry the way you reacted and ask her for help.

  • LeslieV
    LeslieV

    First welcome. Glad you decided to post. I have to agree with Mrs Smith...slow slow slow. A little at at time. Just a seed of doubt. When you come right at a JW with what you know about the "lie" then all they do is look at you as an apostate, and become defensive. Their minds shut down immediately and they are no longer really listening to what you are saying. Good luck keep coming back.

    Leslie

  • sweet pea
    sweet pea

    Welcome from a fellow UK-er. So lovely to have you here.

    Don't do what I did and tell too much, too quick, I regret it and have practically had the door shut very loudly and quickly on me from all of my so called 'friends' of over 30 years. I can't help them now.

    Get reading - I'm in the middle of 'Fearless Love' by Ann Sanderson - it's an excellent book by a Scot - it may give you some ideas.

    Also check out 'Opening The Closed Mind' on www.freeminds.org.

    From fellow posters and ex-JW friends who I have since met up with, the best advice is plant small seeds regularly, one at a time. Scriptures that don't quite add up (start reading a NIV or NLT translation of the bible - its interesting to see how the society has come up with what is essentially their own bible to support their 'unique' doctrines) can be a good place to start. The great crowd standing before the throne in heaven/the dead coming to life AFTER the thousand years/Thomas saying to Jesus "My Lord and My God' etc.

    All the best, this may take years, on the other hand, the tipping point could be months away.....


    Keep us updated, it's always great to hear of progress in even the smallest of ways.

  • jgnat
    jgnat

    The trick is to know which sister you are talking to. Cultists have two; the natural personality and the put-on cult personality. The cult personality is easy to spot. They look and sound like someone right out of the magazines. A little trickier and more satisfying is to recognize the genuine personality. As her brother, this should be a snap. A little deep thinking from your growing up should provide some clues. What are her hobbies and interests? What are her passions? When you talk to her next, is she displaying the natural personality that you grew to love and annoy as you grew up together, or has she slipped on the neutral JW mask and talking in robot-speak?

    How do you deal with the cult personality? You keep it calm. Don't scare it, because it will take over. You just witnessed such an incident. I think you can undo the damage. Simply apologize for being so harsh, and tell her she is entitled to her beliefs, just like her respect for her muslim boss. Follow up (*choke *coff *coff) with a couple things you admire about the society.

    THEN look for opportunities to help your sister's natural personality shine. Use examples from your childhood if you like, "Oh, Sarah, you always were so headstrong. Remember when you....". You can gently talk about your doubts about the society to THIS sister. If she gets defensive, simply back off again.

    Another great technique is to ask her to put herself in another's shoes. Again, you are helping her empathize and break out of the tough cult mindset.

    Good luck!

  • nvrgnbk
    nvrgnbk
    The trick is to know which sister you are talking to. Cultists have two; the natural personality and the put-on cult personality.

    LOL! Nice one jgnat!

  • jgnat
    jgnat

    I can't take credit for it, nvr. I learned this from Steve Hassan in his book, "Combatting Cult Mind Control".

    www.freedomofmind.com

  • jgnat
    jgnat

    P.S. Understanding the difference saves us partners of Witnesses a world of heartache. How many times do we hear from a heartbroken lover, "All of a sudden he just got so COLD, said he needed to get back to Jehovah...."

  • nvrgnbk
    nvrgnbk

    I get that jgnat.

    But the way you said it came across as very witty.

    Maybe I need more coffee?

    LOL!

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