missed 2 weeks worth of meetings...now how the hell do I get out?

by SnakesInTheTower 29 Replies latest jw friends

  • SnakesInTheTower
    SnakesInTheTower

    Bear with me please. A lot on my mind. Skip to the last couple of red paragraphs if you dont have time to read my ramblings. I have a question or two and need feedback.

    I have been off the board for a little bit. went out of town for a week for the company I work for. good to see/visit different places. the nice thing...I missed the meetings for 2 weeks.....ahhhhh...snake is happy...no mindnumbing meetings to go to. I did find a Kingdumb Hall Monday, but it was in a very very bad neighborhood and I was not going there at night. (It was bad enough I had to work in that 'hood during the day) Not that I really wanted to go a meeting.....

    I am going to make more of these out of town business trips now that I have freed myself of some other obligations. So I can miss more meetings that way. The company I work for pays for either plane fare and rental car, or they pay for my gas for my car. (I usually like to drive myself, I hate flying). They pay for reasonably nice hotels (La Quinta this last trip). And I am guaranteed my average salary in case I dont make what I usually make back home. (I can only say that my weekly salary varies..but I am not in sales. Since I am helping the company by making these trips to help bail them out of trouble or to open up new areas, they make the salary guarantee to assure it is worth it to me...good thing because this last trip I would have lost my shirt). I get a free vacation if it is a tourist type place. This last trip had some tourist spots, but I did not bother, except to take some pictures of the (major) lake I was near.

    Bad thing, when i got back from this last trip, the PO tried to "encourage me" to work my way back to all of the meetings...or as he said "get more involved in the cong" and "the friends really dont know you yet" (hmmmm...ya think maybe that has something to do with the fact that I get there 10 min before {only so I can make sure I get a seat on the back row} and leave immediately after the concluding prayer....hmmmmmm.). Also the PO is trying to encourage me to reach out for MS again (apparently since I was jjust deleted as an elder, I have to "work my way back" through the "Privilege Hoops"....fuggeddaboutit). I will give the PO ( and the other elders in my new congo) credit...they dont try to pressure me directly or make me feel guilty for not being there (no stupid "where have you been?" comments). I think they really care, but I know it is..... just the subtle love bombs the Borgettes are so good at lobbing until they are sure they have you back in the Collective...then FU sucker. However, the PO is a long time friend, and I believe he personally does care. One of the reasons I dont just jump out of the Borg now is because of individuals like him.

    I have not been to any book studies since the start of the "(no additional) revelation" book, with the exception of one with my mom when I visited her. Four times! Crap...I dont read anything that many times if I dont absolutely have to. I have so much more time now that I dont have that meeting to worry about. The PO is trying to get me to come to the midweek morning book study with the "older" friends....I used to love those studies but now I am just saddened for those elderly ones who have wasted decades of their life in the Borg. Many I have talked with privately have doubts but where can they go at this point? They lose their whole social circle if they leave the Witnesses now. I really care about and love the older friends in the congregations. They were the ones that were genuine in my opinion. Most dont have "positions" anymore, but want to serve Jehovah. They want to serve for what they perceive are the "right" reasons. I will have to write on a different topic about how I feel the elderly are neglected by the Borg and their minions on the BOE.

    I still go to the Sunday meetings, but depending on how bad the WTrash study article is, I slip out during the song and go right to work. I never study for the WT any more (except for Blondie's review when I have time of course)...or any meetings anymore. I used to pride myself in "studying" for all the meetings...now....I just read all of the magazines rags during the WT study so I dont get too bored by the speakers.. and try not to snicker as I read. Other than that, I never read the lit.

    I miss more Theocratic School/Service Meetings than I make these days. I guess I had better show up this week so I can get my Kingdom Ministry (The May 2007 KM has the mind boggling questions box on...get this...who introduces the songs for each of the meetings! WTF???!....have they really run out of things to write about? 3/4 page article! And we get to review that during a meeting! OMG,....cant miss that!)

    the PO wants me to get back on the school. Why? I dont think I am that great of a speaker, but I gve 60+ public talks as a MS and an elder and was almost always complimented (I always thought..."how hard is it to follow a predetermined outline with predetermined Borg "facts? A monkey could give these outlines). I lost track of all the hours I spent prepping parts for the meetings. Time I could have spent on my education. (more on that in a different thread some time). He also mentioned about me commenting again. I think I commented the first meeting or two there just so people would not think I was D/F. (In fact, some thought I was the speaker..ha ha...sadly, I could have done it....) My point I guess...I dont want to give talks or comment anymore. Just let me be and warm a seat and add to your meeting count.

    The Service Meetings now seem sssssoooo pointless to me since they are really nothing more than Sales Meetings. The irony of that is most if not all dubs that I know of never mention the "voluntary donation" arrangement to the householder anymore. And since many (including myself as some may recall from a previous post) are not donating for this crap anymore I wonder where the Borg is getting its money?

    I dont bother with FS anymore...not since December 06...I just turn in a few hours and an occasional RV and/or placement. If questioned, I tell them it is informal....just not how informal. (I know how to report it so it does not red flag the secretary...remember I used to be a secretary and always recognized the signs of fake and/or token reports).

    Ssssssoooooo...after reading all of those ramblings (or just skipping to this point, I understand), I have a question. What do I do? I am tired of pretending to want to be at meetings. Yet, I dont want to get D/A'd or D/F'd or be marked as bad association. I have close friends who say they will stick by me no matter what, but many who say they love me tell me that they would probably cave to the pressure if something like that happened. I understand that because I would have done the same at one time. And of course, I dont know what my mom would do if I left directly.

    What do I do? Any advice from current faders or successful jumpers? And I would really be interested in hearing from those still deep in (ie still elders, etc) or those with family in but you are putting on the front but desparately wanting out.

    Thank you my friends for listening.

    SnakesInTheTower (of the Lazy Sheep Class)

  • J-ex-W
    J-ex-W

    Ssssssoooooo...after reading all of those ramblings (or just skipping to this point, I understand), I have a question. What do I do? I am tired of pretending to want to be at meetings. Yet, I dont want to get D/A'd or D/F'd or be marked as bad association. I have close friends who say they will stick by me no matter what, but many who say they love me tell me that they would probably cave to the pressure if something like that happened. I understand that because I would have done the same at one time. And of course, I dont know what my mom would do if I left directly.

    Age old JW dilemma. When you figure it out, let me know....

  • Warlock
    Warlock

    Tower,

    I faked being a Catholic from birth by hardly ever going to church. You MIGHT be able to fake it by just going on Sundays. Too bad you don't live close to me. We could go together and that would keep everyone off our backs.

    Warlock

  • Sarah Smiles
    Sarah Smiles

    What do you say to an ex girfriend?

    Say nothing and stay busy with work because it is a good excuse!

  • frankiespeakin
    frankiespeakin

    Let them think you have become materialistic and so that you put you job ahead of meetings, they won't DF for that.

  • frankiespeakin
    frankiespeakin

    Snakes,

    I know how nice it feels when you first stop going to meetings. You really get a chance to think without all that BS from the booring as hell meetings. Wish you the best.

  • cognizant dissident
    cognizant dissident

    Hey Snakes in the Tower.

    I read your entire post. I can empathize. Raised in the truth my whole life. Doubts for the last ten years. Stayed for family, friends, my son who I had programmed with WTBTS bullshit myself and couldn't bear the thought of losing him if it took permanently. Stayed for a few more years, fading but too afraid to come out and say how I really felt, slowly and subtly deprogramming my son, letting him know that what ever he believed was Ok with me and I loved him no matter what.

    Last year, I just couldn't do it another day and I realized how angry and ripped off I felt for being lied to and wasting my life pioneering when I could have spent my healthy youth getting a degree or even a doctorate in something for all the time I spent reading watchtower rags. I walked away and have not set foot in a Kingdom Hall, or assembly since that day. My son was still upset, went to a few more meetings with his dad, a few more social gatherings with witnesses, but then he made his stand that he didn't want to be a witness either. For that I will be eternally grateful.

    I have not had one visit by any elder since or friend since that time. I was not a fringe fader. My husband was an MS being groomed for eldership and we were very active in the congregation. Our friends were mostly elders. I was positive, I would be chased down and confronted by somebody and not be able to keep my mouth shut and end up df'd as an apostate and shunned. I guess that could still happen but it has been over a year and not a peep or a visit from anyone. Not even my closest friends have asked why. But they don't call anymore so they must suspect something even though I haven't said a word to any of them. I recently told my PO father who is bucking for CO. He was very upset. But he didn't call the local elders and send them to me. He invited me to the last family gathering (they live in another town). He is coming to visit me next week, just for the day. I suspect a major re-conversion attempt is in the works. But I can't say for sure anymore. Never in a million years would I have suspected I could go inactive so totally after being so active and not have one visit or one confrontation.

    So, you just do not know what is going to happen and what the outcome will be. You can never know until you do it and find out. But you have to be prepared for any outcome. And that means that you have to be prepared to pay the possible price (shunning) for your freedom. If you are not prepared to pay the price to be totally free, then keep on doing what you are doing. It took me years but then I got so sick of it finally, that I was prepared to pay the price to have my life back and live it on my terms. I'm saying that not everyone who leaves has to pay the ultimate price but everyone who leaves has to be willing to. So, what do you want more. Your freedom and your life back, or your family and friends?

    Cog (chooses life class)

  • jaguarbass
    jaguarbass

    From your saying you dont want to be marked as bad association and your calling yourself the lazy sheep class, I am getting the vibe that you want to ride the fence. Like Miyagi said in the karate kid go left or right but go down the middle you get squashed.

    When I left in 83, I didnt answer the door or the phone and I never got disfellowshipped. My wife stayed in for 10 years after I left.

    I still dont answer the phone, I screen my calls, not because of the witneses, because I controll my life and time, If somebody calls I want to talk to, I pick up or call back. If someone knocks on my door, I screen them also, If I dont know who it is why would I answer. It would be a salesman selling something. I dont do business that way. In your case if its a witness dont answer.

    If you havent done anything wrong and you dont talk to them they cant do anything to you. They dont disfelloship you for not answering the door or phone. In time they will forget about you. If you rent you will probably move. If you own your own home the congregation will probably divide and be renamed and you will no longer be a member.

    But if you want to ride the fence and have 1 foot in the troof and 1 foot in the world you will probably be disfellowshiped.

  • Pistoff
    Pistoff

    My advice:

    Miss a few less every month. If they call you, don't call back.

    If they corner you, say you are working too much, you know it, but are worried that you will lose your job if you can't keep traveling.

    If your mother asks you about it, mumble.

    If you like your extended family, FADE FADE FADE.

    If the elders ask for a meeting, say you will get back to them.

    If they corner you with a specific question, say you are too tired to discuss it.

    And if all else fails, say you are discouraged and weak.


    Pistoff, of the beautifully faded class............

  • bluebell
    bluebell

    Just keep on dropping of the meetings make sure u do below 10hr ministry (u dont hav to go out, just lie so that they don't call on you to try and get u back being active) and you will be unwanted anyhow.

    I kinda dropped out like a bomb and no-one talked to me, but then i was badly depressedand we all know how caring they are about that stuff.

    Can you develop an illness?

    There have been various threads on fading, some may be in the "best of" section I think, different things work for different people. Beware that regardless of what your friends say, they will probably shun you regardless, it's what they're programmed to do.

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