by OnTheWayOut 17 Replies latest jw friends
I discussed every last thing with my wife. Even while I was still an elder. Nothing mattered. She doesn't believe for reasons of logic. Never has. She goes because she can't imagine not going. That simple. It's heart-breaking. The marriage, obviously, has suffered greatly due to this breach. I'm glad I got my son out, mentally anyway. Good luck OTWO!
Nvr
take control OTWO...drop hints like...ermm..."I've got Ray Franz coming round to dinner sunday"...."and after dinner we're going to reconsider the gentile times"..."care to join us"?...
How do you and other faders deal with the spouse thinking you deserve to die for not being a jw?
My wife doesn't think any DF'ed people or inactives deserve to die. She does think that
Jehovah is the judge of these and hopes they don't die. Many JW's do that. They ignore
the reality of their doctrine's outcome if it is true, but put it on Jehovah since he's going to
be totally fair. My mother was happy that her parents died in "this system" so they have
a chance at everlasting life in a resurrection, since they never would have joined the WTS.
My wife's beliefs are fairly well founded, but she doesn't look into the possibility that the
current "light" is wrong. She can't explain 607 BCE, but is sure someone can. She can't
state how the Bible proves that Jesus became invisibly present in 1914, and has no ideas
about 1975- the organization said it was the rank-and-files' fault so it must be. She's a
typical blind-faith drone for the borg- she knows there's stuff wrong and puts on her
blinders. While I was a company man for too many years, I was never the typical drone.
I questioned things and examined them. I spoke out loud about what I didn't understand
a little bit (not enough). She always viewed my ability to do that as a strong point, making
me a good tool for Jehovah to use in the congregation.
FourMs - I just wanted to say what a great post that was! Its so nice to hear it from both sides.
I was eventually disfellowshipped "in absentia" for apostasy.
Pahpa, I tread lightly enough to try to avoid that, but I am prepared for my world to change.
Since I would be DF'ed anyway, I plan to fight it citing "Lack of evidence" and appeal it. I
don't expect to win, but you never know. Then I will try to keep a relationship with my
mother. Short of that (if she shuns me), I will keep contact with her husband and accept
that she is a prisoner of the WTS, needing freedom. I will work through him.
I was the strong headed witness wife and dragged my 2 kids to the mtgs for a few years by myself.
It took me 4 years to see what my husband was saying all along was making sense.
FourMs, it is posts like yours that give the greatest hope.
She just wants to have her husband
and her false hopes.You are dead on and I'm assuming this news must thrill you. She has chosen you over the organization!
DB, thanks for such positive encouragement. It is thrilling that she is so loyal to our marriage.
It is thrilling to see that she allows herself the balance to recognize that this is not a windmill
that she has to tackle. "If my husband needs to be turned in to the WTS, Jehovah will do it his
way." I imagine that she thinks that. Wonderful.
we all ignore the elephant sitting in the room
Yes, that's the thought that fits. The commercials in the US say "I'm just the 800 pound Gorilla
in the room." Gorilla, elephant, whatever. The point is perfectly suited to my situation.
Religion is something my husband and I just don't talk about. It caused some real problems between us. I will make subtle comments here and there that makes him think. I have had books out and he never asks about them. I'm on JWD and he never asks what I'm looking at. I've been to various churches and he never stops me. I ask him if he'd like to come and always just says "no". (Not that I attend any church now - I just had to see for myself what it was all about.)
Bumble Bee has a very similar situation. My wife wouldn't be quiet if I left Franz books out, but others are not
worth fighting about. Maybe she will look at them in the future without telling me. I can hope.
She wouldn't avoid reporting me if I said I was going to church, but I haven't. If I did, I would just not say it was
church. She would accept my silence with difficulty, but accept it.
We have it similarly to each other, BB, but my spouse is still active. Even without my prodding, I think her activity
is extremely slower than it used to be. Service is a social thing every week. At meetings, she's thinking about
work and stays for the association for 20-30 minutes afterward. She almost tries to be late for most meetings.
She goes because she can't imagine not going. That simple.
Right Nvrgnbk.
Thanks Crumpet I always enjoy reading what you have to say too...
FourMs
Romance her off her feet, and then again next week. She loves you and doesn't want to lose you. Don't let her forget why. Get out of the house more, and get her involved in some new thing that isn't JW-related. Get a sport or a hobby or a club. Make life easier and more fun for her; not frightening and mysterious. Talk about the future; your real future. "Let's save for a big trip to *** in a few years." "You should think about training in that; you're really good at that."
OTWO said:
I spoke out loud about what I didn't understand
a little bit (not enough).
If you're up to it, could you give us an example or two? I've still got my "very strong, mature JW hat" on and I want to make the most of it before I slide into being "spiritually weak" either by my choice or getting blindsided by the gestapo.
Open Mind
