by BFD 15 Replies latest jw friends
What are ways one can prepare themself once the decision is made to leave the borg knowing full well the consequenses will be losing all family and friends due to the shunning policy?
I remember the emotions I went through when I first started to be shunned. It was rough but, I was not left all alone in the turmoil, I had 4 siblings to lean on and at the time my dad was still alive. How does one prepare themself knowing full well that ALL family will turn their backs?
BFD
Get out and find new friends. Immerse yourself in a hobby or sport that involves other people. Go out with those people. Have drinks with them.
These things have certainly helped in my life.
You need time to prepare yourself emotionally. It is common to go through post traumatic shock. One of the great wise sayings is to
"change what you can change
accept what you can't
Learn to tell the difference."
This is really key, as on leaving it is easy to spend considerable time trying to help all friends and family leave, generally to no avail. If you can accept that they are trapped in a mind control cult and that you can not let your life be affected by the decisions and actions of others it goes a long way in moving on happily.
Another important aspect is having a social circle so that you do not get lonely. Make friends at work, join a club, go to apostafests. The longer you can draw out the fade the more time you will have finding other people that you relate to. It took me 12 months to build up enough friends and become comfortable enough with them that I stopped missing my JW friends.
As others have said, develop new friends and interests - but more than that, don't tell them the real
reason why you're drifting away! Tell them you suffer from depression or migraines or some other
chronic condition that causes you to miss meetings. Turn in a fake field service report each month
so that you don't appear on any list. Countless 'Witnesses' do this - and it works!
metatron
1. Make worldly friends.
2. Come to grips with no pair o dice
3. Get over fear of jehovah
4. Get over fear of what others think
5. Tell your dub fam & friends you love them
6. Set an HH.MM.SS for your departure.
Conditions will never be perfect for it. You just have to take the jump. Hopefully if you've not been too rash and put enough padding below the ledge of organizational safety, you will not be hurt by the fall...
I understand the slow fade probably works best but I am afraid that it is not going to happen in this case as far as I can tell. I want to help my friend prepare emotionally for the quick exit (WHOMP) as that is what appears is going to happen. You really do not know how you're going to react to the shunning until it actually happens and it is the new reality.
Thanks for your posts.
BFD
(((((BFD)))))
I dont have any good advice, the above posters gave great advice already...but I can give ya a hug....and hey, YOU HAVE US!
3. Get over fear of jehovah
4. Get over fear of what others think- IP_SEC
Information is invaluable in overcoming fear. For that JWD is indispensable.
Don't know who you're soon-to-be-shunned friend is BFD, but I'm sure he'll be ok if he's got friends like you.
Nvr
I guess I've been lucky on the shunning part. My immediate fam does not shun me although the relationship is different. I've only been shunned once... or maybe twice... ya it was twice (see how unimportant it is to me now) by the same people. It did hurt at the time, esp since these were ppl (single mom and her daughter) that I'd helped materially and emotionally through some tough times, but.. c'est la vie.
All of the others in my cong that I've had direct contact since then have been very nice to me... though somewhat wary. There have been hugs and kisses between us. I think it is because they think I DA'd because I was "burned out". I think they expect me to walk back into the Hall any day now.
It matters not, I know I did the right thing. I will be there for them if they ever leave and need help.
JWfacts- I wear a gold medalion aound my neck with praying hands on the front and the Serenity Prayer embossed on the back. For me, it is a great prayer to recite and provides a source of strength.
Thank you Nvr and foundmyway, you are too kind. I am getting too emotional and I am at work so I have to leave this thread for now but I will be back later.
ipsec- your family is very wise and you are lucky to have them.
This situation with my friend is stirring up all my pain that was caused when my mom turned her back on me and the family. And that was almost 7 years ago. It boggles the mind.
I will be back later, please keep posting suggestions, Thanks!
BFD
