by LovesDubs 19 Replies latest jw friends
LovesDubs, most of the time your family does not share your blood. Yur family is composed of soul mates and friends. Tell your son that.
Better he does not see them than having them come and tell him how useless his achievements are in the face of the big A.
(((Lovesdubs)))
I too would be tempted to write the thank you note that bebu suggested - or better still, if your son is upset that they aren't coming, maybe he might want to send it himself. It always seems to be the kids that get hurt most when the adults fall out doesn't it?
I hope your health improves soon too - you prolly got the shingles because of the stress, take good care of yourself and try get some rest.
First of all, multiple congratulations to you and your wonderful kids!
Sit down with your younguns and explain that some of their relatives are religious fanatics who would rather treat them like they were dead simply because they don't have the same imaginary friends.
I hope you are taking valtrex or one of the other prescription treatments for shingles -- it can be awful. It is brought on by a lowered immune system, so eat healthy, get lots of B and C vitamins and plenty of sleep. And take the valtrex!
Congrats to your cool kids. Those relatives are so nuts. I suppose one good thing is they are showing their true colors to everyone, including the kids who need to know how bad that religion is. If you can, maybe fill their slots with really nice friends and neighbors. It would be a lot more fun and more supportive of your son's graduation. Jeez I'd want to send the relatives sympathy cards "Sorry to hear you've been ( insert:mentally) ill. Flipper
Oh, Sweetie---When does it end? I feel so awful for you and your little family. Whenever we tell about this stuff that stems from the JW involvement that had SO messed up our families---people think we are making up this stuff....it is so bizarre! Who would think that a "religon" could or would cause such distress in any family unit?
I like the suggestion that having your son send the message---would have more impact. I can't think of anything to add or suggest because I have exhausted efforts in OUR family to try and have any kind of "nice events" or celebrations of any kind with them either. People wonder why we (I) am still so angry and bitter over a "religion" that I left years ago.....and every time something like this happens---it comes rushing back to me on just how arrogant and foolish they ARE for pulling this garbage every chance they get!
You KNOW that it will come back and bite them right where it hurts one day---but that is little consolation for right NOW, I know. I wish there was something I could DO to help!
hugs,
Annie
That sucks.
All I can suggest is that it's through the good times and the bad, that you find out who your true friends/family are (and what kind of friend or family you are).
Maybe it'll be a "blessing in disguise" so to speak....To have a celebration free of all that jw toxicity.
Any reason why your son isn't picking up the phone and extending the invitations personally? If he really wants to honour them with a place at his celebration and these people ( "family" ) want to opt out, I think they should have to do so personally instead of everybody hiding behind you (or your beautifully crafted invites.)
When I graduated high school, I was a witness (in "good standing") though in a congregation that encouraged homeschooling and dropping out in Grade 10 to pioneer. Although I wasn't the only one to push through to Grade 12, I may have been one of the few females to do so and must have been the only one to "dare" to want to celebrate the accomplishment. (It felt very much like a celebration worthy accomplishment at the time, having worked 2 p/t jobs and auxiliary pioneered through much of it). I was careful to avoid the "worldly" "revelries", and planned a private dinner to celebrate the occasion with my family and friends. I personally and directly invited those I wanted there (by telephone).
When I invited one of my most beloved (JW) friends from high school (he had graduated a year ahead of me but prior to that had been a big part of my high school experience/ daily life), he declined, explaining that he had been told by an elder in the hall that if he attended my graduation celebration, he would not be considered for the privileges he was working toward. (He was pioneering and wanted to be an MS). I knew my friend's dreams well enough that I could empathize with his political predicament. His candor made it easier for me to shrug off my disappointment and respect his choice. People make choices. That's the beauty of free will.
The dinner was great because of everyone that went out of their way to come. Those who didn't were ultimately of little consequence, even though I loved them and had invested some of my life energy into them (and they into me).
Spilled milk. Cry if you must and move on. Sounds like you've got a party to plan. I hope you are getting your sleep, it sounds like you've been very busy lately, momma bear!
Congrats to your son on reaching this milestone! :) What's he doing next?
It sounds like you go to great lengths to be supportive of your kids. That kind of love from one person, matters more than all the people that for whatever reason don't step up.
Good work momma.
In addition to Bebu's excellent advice, I suggest you throw your precious son a graduation party, inviting all his friends and their families. As part of the party decor, I would make a major poster dedicated to the specifically named family members who declined to come because they are JW's and are shunning your family, so that all in attendance can share in their fine witness. And....I'd include the info about the graduation party and "witness" poster in the message that Bebu inspired.
Frannie
I read all your wonderful posts and after getting a decent night's sleep...I decided to be more proactive about this. I called my mother in law and she was only trying to NOT cause a disturbance to ruin my sons party by not coming and I told her that under NO conditions was she to NOT attend this party because of the skewed opinions of a lot of self righteous zealots! My children love her love her love her...and if given the choice of Grandma P or the ever absent JW relatives and cousins whom they NEVER see...Grandma wins hands down! So I convinced her to make her plane reservation and she WILL BE coming! Anybody else who has a problem with that is welcome to hit the door or just stay home. I went today and bought the supplies I need to make the centerpieces for the tables. I bought the serving pan sets and sterno and I ordered the tables and chairs with beautiful royal blue, black and silver linens.
SO THERE! Im gonna enjoy this party. Period...end of discussion.
I love you guys...Ive had a bitch of a week here and you helped me sooooo much!
MUAH!!
LovesDubs
Awesome! :D
Congratulations to your son on a job well done! Graduation is a HUGE passage and an exiting time in his life.
Perhaps you can invite all of his friends to come to his graduation party. The guy deserves a party and if his own flesh and blood refuse to attend, have a party for him anyway and invite all his classmates he would want to celebrate with. So the party will be a little louder and have a bit of a different flair....but it'll be a party!
