Glad you asked. In my opinion there is a huge difference between someone who enters of their own free will and someone who has no choice and is effected in all the crucial areas of development in life. In a sense you can't really miss what you never had. I reckon everyone born in this scenario can have different way of veiwing there expereince based on how fanatical and obedient there parents are to the watch tower. In a lot of ways it is difficult to separate the parental dysfunction from watchtower crap. For me I never asked for much of anything ever and never got anything ever eitther. Thats cuz I learned at a very young age the answer was no. TO EVERYTHING.
If you asked me that question then,
of course I would say everything was fine and beleive it too. I'm speaking of course from hindsight.
In particular becuse of growing up in this subculture I find that all my school years were most unpleasnt. Unfortunatley brainwashed parents lack the abilty to have there hand on the pulse of there child in regards to what they are expereincing after years of exclusion from any events that normal people do without even thinking about it.
From the earliest time I can remember in Kindergarten asking my mom for a bag for an easter egg hunt at school te following day as the teacher had instructed us to do. I begged her I pleaded. She had a pantry full of bags from shopping. She outright refused and told me to use my pockets. You cant even fit a dime into the pockets of a 4 year old. Well I remember the hunt was on and the kids brought their bags and were dashing about the class. I had entered the doll house and opened a drawer and found the motherload. I just stood there as the whole class raided the stash and I got nothing. I was absolutly seething and hated my mother intensly for that. To a four year old kid that was like finding gold. From that day on I was always asking" why me"? That was my first watchtower induced injustice that I can remember. In gr. 1 was my next injustice. There happened to be a Jw kid in my class but he was a bad seed. He had beaten the shit out of me as he had failed and was from an older grade. He got a little scared when he got home,and lied to his mother about the fight. She got on the phone with my parents and they forced me to apologize to this little cocksucker for pounding the piss out of me. This strange dichotomy happened all throughout my school years with the full support of my parents. They were young in the religion and were very concerned about there image.
I remember, sitting in my class on valentines day and seeing heaps of cards on peoples desks they had specifically liked and mine was always empty.I hated my parents for that too. They used to go specifically to the school to instruct the teachers what I was not allowed to be a part of.
When your young you roll with it. In some cases you might even take pride in the differences you show in public, but after a while they startto add up. No sex education, while everyone is in the library watching the film and asking questions. No freinds as you are considered not only boring but weird. Indeed you start to develop a chip on your shoulder. Always asking why me. but as the years progress you start to adopt it as a way of life. I think one think thats worthy of mention is that I thought way too much about death and the end of the world for a young kid. Almost obsessed with it.
When the teeen years come there is no mercy and only rules. The pressure becomes to much to bear and in my case I snapped. I lost so many opportunities and connections. I think I actually became eccntric and very shallow. You wanna know what the aswer is boy it's the only answer you'll ever need. Jehovah, Jehovah, Jehovah, Jehovah, Jehovah , jehovah. There was never any talk about real life matters. or phychology, ot coping strategies NOTHING! MY parents either knew nothing or they totally abdicated there minds as parents to the watchtower. Disgusting!
I see my life as having been born behind the 8 ball cuz of this. My naivity was legendary due to the isoaltion and stupid veiw of the world I was taught. I thought I was a freakin genious though. There never seenmed any means of building the self esteem either and the elders in my cong. were particularly cruela nd hateful towards me.
To sum this all up without talking about my entire childhood. It was terrble and I have no happy memories. To this day I have celebrated nothing EVER! It is a feeling of not being listened too. Not having freewill or free thought and complete hopelessness. My parents have not changed one iota in 40 years and still don't realize what they've done and continue to do. There is no bending, no flexibility, and no natural love. I was a talented good looking fellow and they flushed down the toilet with no regrets. To this day they would not care if I was the God dam president. All they ever cared about and still do is the witnesses and will die defending it no matter how much damage and human toll it takes on them. They are both retired and still knocking on doors. That is why I am so bitter and filled with hate even after 20 years of telling them to what they can do with there load of shit. They wern't raised in it and will never understand. Thats why I'm glad you asked.
