An introduction

Toshiro Mifune

Where to begin? I hope this will serve as my introduction to this group. (Hope I’m in the right section.) I was a Jehovah’s Witness for 30 years. I really believed it with all my heart and I tried to live accordingly. I believed that the JWs were the one, true religion (which I now find disgustingly bigoted).

I chose to believe 1975 was a marked year, according to Bible chronology, and that the thousand-year reign of Christ had to begin somewhere around that time. I believed the generation that saw 1914 occur would not pass away before the End would come.

Needless to say, neither of these things happened. But it wasn’t so much the failure of those things that made me stop attending. It was the “new-and-improved” teachings of the Governing Body – along with the paranoia and the fear-based, unloving behavior of the JW brotherhood – that made me decide to walk away and face the anger and personal destruction of Jehovah.

True, there were things that had always disturbed me about the JWs. Their strident refusal to accept the literature of other religions from people at the door. (If it was the Truth, wouldn’t prayerful investigation only further confirm it to be the only true religion?) Their proscription regarding any “independent” Bible research. Draconian behaviors related to disfellowshipping; chronology; suicide; care for the alone, elderly and weak; attitudes toward education, work, and culture – all these, and more, coalesced and created within me a “bad heart.” I didn’t want to live forever under the iron fist of the WTBTS, or, eternally camp-out with what I came to see as a vast brotherhood of automatons,

So, over about five years, I traveled on the road to inactivity. At first I was depressed and told the “brothers” I was feeling suicidal. (I was an ardent Bible student, but was told to study, publish, pray more. One elder told me depression was a really a form of selfishness.) I had doctrinal questions that were summarily dismissed and which made the brothers suspicious and uneasy. I sought theocratic counsel, but was told because I was not “inactive,” they couldn’t study with me. (I had never asked for a study.) Increasingly, I was routinely ignored and avoided.

So, I stopped attending meetings 11 years ago. Sure, there were a few obligatory “surprise” Saturday morning elder visits – with the intent of telling me if I didn’t return to the fold, God would butcher me and my family at the ever-imminent Armageddon. (My wife was not a witness and my children had chosen to live “normal” lives – even though I had studied with them and taken them to meetings when they were youngsters.)

For me there was a long period of adjustment. Fear, loneliness, guilt, and depression seemed to be constant companions as I made my way through the post-JW fog. Initially, I didn’t want to join any “apostate” group. Nor did I want to criticize the WBTS. I just wanted to be left alone. Somewhere along the line, I ordered Ray Franz’s two books. They were eye-opening and liberating. Then I read other books by Carl Olof Jonsson. I also began to see a psychotherapist. I attended other Christian churches and religions – including Jewish, Buddhist, Islamic and Sikh faiths. (So far, none of the religious investigations have stuck – I’m a man without a religion. And, I don’t think that’s really a bad place to be.)

This note is getting quite long, so bringing it to an end, my question is – does a person ever really get over a decades-long brain-screwing by an authoritative, oppressive, soul-sucking religion?

In all sincerity, TM

purplesofa

I’m a man without a religion. And, I don’t think that’s really a bad place to be.)

I agree.......welcome to the board

purps

zeroday

does a person ever really get over a decades-long brain-screwing by an authoritative, oppressive, soul-sucking religion?

I was in for 28 years out for 3 years. It still permemates my entire life. I'm unable to socialize or fuction like a quote normal person. Don't know if I ever will. I'm now an atheist.

DJK

Welcome to the board TM, you'll find many who to relate with.

Quandry

For me there was a long period of adjustment. Fear, loneliness, guilt, and depression seemed to be constant companions as I made my way through the post-JW fog. Initially, I didn’t want to join any “apostate” group. Nor did I want to criticize the WBTS. I just wanted to be left alone.

Welcome to the board. My husband and I were "in" for over thirty years. He was the ever-dutiful elder who was loving and kind to others. He truly tried to help people but we found out unfortunately after a JC committee treated our sixteen year old daughter like a piece of doo-doo and tried (unsuccessfully) to try to force her to admit to something she didn't do then called her a liar and DF'd her that no good deed goes unpunished.

All the emotions that you mention we have been living with. A fog is a good term to describe the twilight zone that one is thrown into. I am glad you are now on this board because it helps to know that others can identify with you and want to or not, you, by acknowledging these feelings, are in our "group."

My husband is of the "wants to be left alone" kind. He does not want to join the board. He can't deal with it yet.

Yep, a long period of adjustment. Life is getting better for my family. Hope all is going better for you.

The wanderer

Dear Mifune:

The truth of the matter is that there will be Watch-
tower residue that will carry on for years in your life.

Otherwise, why would individuals on this board still
carry on conversations regarding the Watchtower when
they left years ago?

However, on the positive side of things, each and every
day will be a learning and healing experience for you.

There are a number of individuals on this board who
had many years in the organization and they can be
very helpful.

Take heart my friend, time will heal those wounds and
in the meantime seek out positive individuals on this
board to help you along on your journey.

Respectfully,

The Wanderer

Madame Quixote

does a person ever really get over a decades-long brain-screwing by an authoritative, oppressive, soul-sucking religion?

In all sincerity, TM

Maybe some do, TM, but I suspect that for most of us it's kinda' like having had a bad case of malaria. The effects stay with you for the rest of your life, for some people in greater, and for others, in lesser degrees.

Welcome to the board. Is that an anime name you're using or your actual name?

FourMs

As many have stated, you are not alone. I was a fourth generation JW and have just recently left. It was so engrained in me that when my husband left the org 4 years ago I was so upset and thought that we could never live a “normal” life. Now, all this time later, I realized that I was in it just to please other people. Especially the last few years. Even though living far away from family, I still felt like I needed to please them and was so stressed out that I couldn’t hardly function as a wife and mother.

Being out just these past few months I have realized that life is good on the outside. I have no stress and I am putting myself out there to be more social with neighbors and people in general. As you know, we were told to keep our distance with people of the “world”. What a load of crap.

I know that I am considered a disappointment and embarrassment to my family, but being true to yourself feels so much better. I know with us life seems to go so much smoother. And as my sister would say, “that’s just Satan being the angel of light trying to make you see that the world is good”. How does she explain my stress free world and my feeling of weight being lifted? My physical health is so much better just in these last few months. They can’t explain when physical things get better.

Anyways, there is hope. For me, I just try not to think about what’s gone on in the past. I keep positive knowing that I am giving my kids a better future. I’m still “new” to the outside, but I feel like I belong here more than I ever felt like I belonged anywhere in my life. I don’t regret my upbringing, as I had a great childhood. I love my parents and siblings very much. But this is the new and improved me.

Take care and looking forward to your future posts.

FourMs

bigmouth

Welcome. Boy I've walked a mile or two in your shoes. Depression is selfish!!!!!Pray more etc. The mindless, unfeeling counsel is universal.

You can't undo years of indoctrination and internalisation in any less time than it took to learn it I fear.

"I believed the generation that saw 1914 occur would not pass away before the End would come."- Do you know, there are vast numbers of Witnesses today who are oblivious to the fact that only very recently this was a core message of our door to door work!

We all look forward to hearing more from you.

Pete

found-my-way

((((((Toshiro Mifune))))))

Hope to hear more from you...

You are free, you have the knowledge as your arsenal.....you are no longer controlled by them....choose Freedom by not giving them a moment's thought....let the fear go, let the pain from the past go, let it all go....

once you do, you will feel immense relief, it will be the most liberating moment of your life...

An introduction

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