When is it time to tell your adult children get the Blank out?

by avidbiblereader 42 Replies latest jw friends

  • avidbiblereader
    avidbiblereader

    To me there is a definite difference in my generation and the one coming after me, when I graduated you basically had three choices

    Military, College or a Fulltime Job which meant more than 40 and you were expected to GROW UP, today kids are seen as postponing this for years, it reminds me of the Proverbs 29:21 KJV says

    21 He that delicately bringeth up his servant from a child shall have him become his son at the length.

    When is it time to push the little birds from the nest and tell them to flap real hard?

    abr

  • blondie
    blondie

    Ask yourself, "when would I have responded to someone telling me to get the blank out?"

  • jgnat
    jgnat

    Simple, charge them rent.

    I come from a long line of Scots, where "growing up" was not an optional course. I started planning when they were sixteen, handing over their clothing and recreation budget to squander or squeeze to their heart's content. If they dressed in rags, I kept my counsel. I made sure they had the TOOLS to make it on their own.

    I made it clear, once they were legal adults, they were paying rent. Both children, the compliant and the difficult-to-raise, screamed bloody murder. They even received sympathy from meddling relatives. My daughter went so far to pull out the rental ads. She said she'd "Rather give her money to someone else than to her own MOTHER!" Her needs were simple. She needed an inexpensive apartment for less than $250 a month (my stated rate), including utilities, that would accept two adorable cats and one German Shepherd. Hardwood floors throughout preferred. I let her search, keeping my counsel.

    Within a couple weeks she stopped complaining. Real life is the best teacher.

  • Balsam
    Balsam

    My son is 19 and came to live with us after his graduation from high school. We helped get him to and from jobs till he could afford a car. Assisted him in finding a save and dependable car he could afford and insurance. He now pays rent and will till he decides what he is going to do. We charge him $250.00 a month room and board. We're encouraging him to join the Navy, and he is seriously thinking about it. No money for college so that is out, but he working full time. After he pays rent, car, and insurance things are tight for him. That is how we're dealing with it. Oh by the way he didn't pay rent until he was on his feet working and had a car.

    Balsam

  • avidbiblereader
    avidbiblereader
    Ask yourself, "when would I have responded to someone telling me to get the blank out?"

    I didnt act the way my step son is acting, no disregard Blondie, but let me fill you in He quit school at age 16 after being expelled now at the 10 day max everytime 22 times Can't keep a fulltime job and only works 20 hours a week Sleeps until 2-4 in the afternoon, Does drugs in and out the house Drinks our liquer and brings it back to the house with his underage friends, we have to chase them out Doesn't clean ANYTHING Refuse to pay $25/ week rent that we would give back to him when he leaves Has stolen from us a multiple times Gave him a car that he has trashed, paid 7 times to get it fixed, paid for first 6 months worth of insurance, paid his fines Leaves a mess everywhere in the house Yells and curses at his mother Throws his cig butts everywhere Has almost burnt the house down by cooking for hours in the early morning a cooking mit Bedroom trashed unless his mother cleans it He is completely difiant, immature, a complete mess, lazy and we are done with it. How long would you last? We spent the whole last weekend finding him an apartment, repainted everything in it, shampooed all the carpets, paid his first month security deposit, paid 5 weeks rent, filled house the apartment with furniture, filled the cabinets with food, filled the refrig and freezer with food, new blinds and curtains, new dishes and silverware, new cooking utensiles, pots and pans, completely set up. The new leesees never showed up to help, I don't think we are bad parents but enough is enough. abr

  • aSphereisnotaCircle
    aSphereisnotaCircle

    Her needs were simple. She needed an inexpensive apartment for less than $250 a month (my stated rate), including utilities, that would accept two adorable cats and one German Shepherd. Hardwood floors throughout preferred. I let her search, keeping my counsel.

    Within a couple weeks she stopped complaining. Real life is the best teacher

    JG, I love it, you handled it perfectly!

    You will never, ever win an argument with a teeage girl. They just have to see it for themselves

  • avidbiblereader
    avidbiblereader
    Real life is the best teacher.

    Well put Jgnat

    abr

  • aSphereisnotaCircle
    aSphereisnotaCircle

    Sleeps until 2-4 in the afternoon, Does drugs in and out the house Drinks our liquer and brings it back to the house with his underage friends, we have to chase them out Doesn't clean ANYTHING Refuse to pay $25/ week rent that we would give back to him when he leaves Has stolen from us a multiple times Gave him a car that he has trashed, paid 7 times to get it fixed, paid for first 6 months worth of insurance, paid his fines Leaves a mess everywhere in the house Yells and curses at his mother Throws his cig butts everywhere Has almost burnt the house down by cooking for hours in the early morning a cooking mit Bedroom trashed unless his mother cleans it He is completely difiant, immature, a complete mess, lazy and we are done with it. How long would you last?

    You have done waaay above the call of duty.

    This kid needs a swift kick out the door. No more "help"

  • Ryan1
    Ryan1

    I have a sister who is pushing 40 and still lives at home with mum and dad. She claims depression but her real problem is she is lazy. She worked very briefly at my company. I sacked her a month later.

  • restrangled
    restrangled

    It seems I have griped about this personally to no end....We just got a 22 year old to move out after being back a year, going to college with us paying for it, and paying and paying and paying for many different it's.!!!!

    See this topic from earlier in the year....Just have to vent about supposed full grown son2

    He moved out in January, and don't get me wrong, we love him to death, but by god the peace in this house is incredible.

    Good luck and don't feel guilty!!!!!

    r.

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