My mom took my son to KH after I told her not to (page 7)

candidlynuts

i just wanted to pop in and say what a lucky child your son is! both parents so determined to make sure of his happiness. good on ya!

Ryan1..If you give Grandma a second chance,she will take it..And..Do as she dam well pleases..A member in this cult will do everything in thier power to indoctrinate that child into thier beliefs..Grandma dosen`t have anyones best interests at heart,not even her own..The Cult comes first.....Are you willing to gamble on a game you can never win,with your wife and child..Play this game and you will lose...OUTLAW

Xena

Hey Ryan,

It's sometimes hard to understand why people get so upset over this religion because from the outside it seems benign. But is it very controling and the members are taught that you do what you have to in order to convert, especially the people you love because if you don't they will die. So what appears to outsiders as a betrayal of trust to the JW is a full out effort to save. They have a totally different mindset, it's crazy. You can't really imagine it if you haven't ever been one, even now looking back I find it difficult to believe I ever had that mentality, but I did.

That said I personally think you are taking the right course, just be aware of what you are dealing with. I'm sorry for your child too, it can suck to have JW grandparents/family. I know cause my kid is in the same situation.

LittleToe

Ryan:
It certainly sounds like you are doing everything you can. Good for you

Gary:

A never was a Witness parent has nothing to loose if their child grows up and becomes a Witness as far as shunning. Under current guidelines, the never was a Witness parent won't be shunned. The never was a Witness doesn't have a dog in this fight.

I've seen non-JW parents get treated like shyte. It may not be outright shunning but you know as well as I that the relationship would never be the same as if everyone was one happy, cosy JW family

Xena:
Its only gonna get compounded in May, when we get married, darlin'. She gets two JW step-grandparents into the bargain!

hubert

He will never see the inside of a Kingdom Hall again. I've already told unbeliever's mum that she can't talk about her religious beliefs or take him to church EVER. I really think it's in the best interest of the baby she be given a second chance. I already told unbeliever I would there the whole time.

Ryan1, I think you are being fair and balanced.

With all due respect, Unbeliever, I think you should give this a try. Ryan is bending, he is not being stuborn or anything like that. He is looking for a solution. In the meantime, have him do more research, read some of the horrible true life stories about shunning, blood, and suicide that happens all to often in this cult, so he will always be aware of the danger to his child.

Hubert

Who are you?

I am taking this seriously. Two days ago she was threatening to end our relationship and "show me the door". Believe me I am taking this seriously. I am trying very hard to be the voice of reason here. He will never see the inside of a Kingdom Hall again. I've already told unbeliever's mum that she can't talk about her religious beliefs or take him to church EVER. I really think it's in the best interest of the baby she be given a second chance. I already told unbeliever I would there the whole time. I don't know what more I can do.

Ryan,

I've been in similar shoes. Just so you are prepared........the day will come, a few years down the road, when you are working your ass off trying to better your family and while your guard is down, your MIL will go behind your back and try to brainwash your child. It will be a calculated move on her part, because she knows she'll only have one real opportunity and she will leave no prisoners. This time it won't only be about studying the Watchtower, it will also be about how poor a parent you are for not teaching your child about Jehovah, and what a poor leader of your family you are for not leading the way to Jehovah. When it comes, it will be distasteful enough to permanently alter the relationship between your MIL and yourself, and it will justify what seems like a total over reaction at the present moment, on your wifes part. The real damage of course is from the wedge that your MIL tries to put between your child and yourself. I completley understand your reasoning, as I had the same reasoning as you once. You will pay a price for your kindness.

You've heard the expression "No good deed goes unpunished". This is the scenario that it was meant for.

Ryan1

Who are you?

Can I ask what happened? Did your MIL try and turn your child against you?

Xena

How old is your daughter? Has your family tried to turn your child against you?

Who are you?

Ryan,

I posted part of the answer earlier in this thread...I think page 2, answer 4...my oldest son and I have talked about this a great deal. He has thanked me dozens of times for making sure that he had plenty of exposure to my side of the family, whom he feels closest to.

Your reasoning works well when the child is pre-school and converesly a young adult...maybe 17 on after they have formulated their own views based on your input, but the ages in between is a recipe for disaster. My son said it well, when he pointed out that she took advantage of his natural desire to want to please her. He would have done anything for her at age 9.

If you want to talk to my oldest and ask him how it was, I'm sure I could arrange it.

I'm glad that you and your wife are having an opportunity to talk and think this through. If you went into it unprepared, it would be a nightmare.

Scully

I am trying very hard to be the voice of reason here.

Ryan, in a normal situation and a normal family, this would definitely be the way to go. As many other posters have mentioned, when you are dealing with the JW / exJW dynamic in a family, "normal" just doesn't exist.

The JW mindset is geared toward converting non-JWs into their belief system and excluding exJWs from their social interactions, regardless of the blood ties between the JWs and exJWs. It's almost impossible to "reason" with a JW to respect your boundaries. They see no harm in indoctrinating someone else's child into their belief system. It is their mandate to convert as many people into the JWs before Armageddon™ comes and destroys all non-JWs and exJWs. It is considered to be an "urgent" work, one where the end justifies the means, even deception and outright lying is acceptable if it serves the purpose of exposing your child to JW indoctrination.

If that situation is allowed to exist, your child will eventually be required to make a choice between loyalty to his parents and loyalty to The Organization™ / Jehovah. The consequences he will be taught are: loyalty to parents = destruction by Jehovah at Armageddon™ vs. loyalty to The Organization™ / Jehovah = Living Forever In Paradise™. He will be taught that having Christmas and birthdays is Satanic and pagan and will get him destroyed by Jehovah. He will be taught that he can only have JW friends if he wants to "please Jehovah". He will be taught that participating in sports and extracurricular activities will expose him to dangerous Worldly™ influences. He may not be kidnapped and taken off to a commune like the Moonies, but his mind will be altered so that he learns to isolate himself from people who care about him and opportunities to experience life to the full. The JW thought process is based mainly on black-and-white-thinking - no shades of grey. It is not a mentally healthy belief system.

The "Red Alert" was raised by unbeliever in a thread that she posted during her pregnancy - when she awoke from a nap to find her mum reading JW "Bible Stories" to her unborn grandchild. Crazy is as crazy does.

I know both you and unbeliever want what is in your son's best interests. I sincerely hope that you can understand the reservations so many of us have about allowing grandma to have unsupervised access to him. She will use her misguided extreme beliefs and her love for him as leverage to do what she wants, even if it is contrary to your wishes. Perhaps you can help balance the situation by having frequent contact with your family, so your son can learn the difference between the conditional relationships with JWs and the unconditional love of nonJW grandparents.

LittleToe

Unbeliever:You did good, pointing Ryan here. Hopefully it will be the salvation of your relationship and your child

My mom took my son to KH after I told her not to

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