My mom took my son to KH after I told her not to

by unbeliever 100 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  LittleToe

  Poor Ryan really is stuck between a rock and a hard place. He reasonably expects a "middle ground" compromise position. However unbeliever's mum is a JW, and hence doesn't understand the concept, and unbeliever was raised the same way and obviously also struggles with the concept. In the later case its through knowledge that a compromise on this issue is a mistake, but simultaneously she acts in an uncompromising manner towards her hubby, being perfectly prepared to allow the relationship to break over the issue

  Foolishness perpetuated to yet another generation. We can but hope that Ryan will be able to inject enough good sense into the child to permit it to live a normal and prosperous life, shielded from the idiosyncracies of a dysfunctional cultish upbringing!
• 

  asleif_dufansdottir

  Ryan,

  I'm glad you came here because if you're going to be in a relationship with a former JW, and have in-laws who are current JWs, it's important to educate yourself on what all that means.

  We post "personal" stuff here because a) it's an internet forum and pretty anonymous and b) we need reality checks about stuff from people who can understand.

  If you've had reasonably normal relationships with your own family members you really can't understand parent-adult child relationships that are patently *not* normal and not going to be.

  My in-laws have never been JWs but my father-in-law is a controlling and nasty man. My husband made the drastic decision to cut off all contact with him for several years. We eventually have made contact with him but on a very limited basis. Cutting off contact is what made it possible to convince him how serious we were about not accepting his bad behavior.

  JWs are taught to put the organization above any and all family ties and lie and sneak to serve the "higher calling" of indoctrinating your child.

  This is a dangerous religion to allow your child to have contact with. I suggest you do some reading on it because you need to take your significant other seriously when she tells you she is right to be very upset about this stuff.
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  unbeliever

  Well Ryan and I cannot come to an agreement. We both think we are in the right so we have decided to agree to disagree. Our son is just a baby so there is no lasting damage here. I am going to save my energy for when he gets older because she will get more agressive. Ryan says he will supervise all future contact. I don't like it but there is not much I can do about it. I just hope he will be able to see through all my moms manipulations and stop it. She always finds a way to sneak in a jw beliefs some how.
• 

  carla

  This dad seriously needs to educate himself on the dangers of this deadly cult. Yes, deadly, in all ways. Because jw's cannot ever be trusted ( see their views on lying to non jw's) I no longer EVER leave my kids alone with jw dad. Yes it is very, very difficult. Basically you make a choice- my childs welfare over my own life for the time being. I will protect my child from sexual, emotional, mental, and spiritual abuse at all costs. Other family members no longer feel comfortable leaving their kids alone with him either because he feels he can preach to anybody anytime and will manipulate situations to do so. If a grandparent intends harm to a child they have no rights. For the dad to dismiss the mothers feelings on this is not a good sign. I hope she doesn't need to depend on him for much in life as she will not be supported, apparently. Either he doesn't care for the mom all that much or is just terribly ignorant of the human wreckage left in the wake of the wt org.
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  LittleToe

  Hey, give the guy a break - he's on the Board now and investigating. You can't honestly expect a non-JW to totally get it. jgnat is the exception, rather than the rule. He appears to trying his best, poor guy!
• 

  unbeliever

  Carla,

  He does not get it. His line of thinking is the more people Dylan has in his life the better. He sees a devoted grandma when he sees my mom and cannot see she has ulterior motives. Witnesses can put up a very good front. He said he would read this board on a regular basis. I hope he does and it helps him understand where I am coming from.
• 

  garybuss

  A never was a Witness parent has nothing to loose if their child grows up and becomes a Witness as far as shunning. Under current guidelines, the never was a Witness parent won't be shunned. The never was a Witness doesn't have a dog in this fight.
  
  
• 

  AudeSapere

  I really feel bad for everyone involved. And I can honestly see why each of you responded the way you did.

  Grandma deliberately went against mom's explicit wishes. It doesn't really matter 'why' she did it. She schemed and she manipulated.

  The baby obviously has no lasting damage but that's not even the big issue at this point. Witnesses are very regimented and there are steps to everything. Grandma has been formulating in her head (whether she admits it or not) a plan to inculcate her grandson. She may have wanted to show off her grandson to her friends but she also wanted more. She tested the waters with 'Step One'. If she gets away with 'Step One', she can next move on to 'Step Two'.

  The more uncomfortable the consequences for 'Step One' are, the longer it will be until she attempts 'Step Two' and 3, etc.

  Mom (Unbeliever) - Hugs to you. I know how you feel. I've gone off on my mom for less. I feel like a horrible ingrate for cutting my mom off but even after innumerable hours of discussion, 1000's of dollars in counselling with her (I paid all bills), and nearly two decades of varying degrees of separation, she cannot and will not respect my boundaries. Actually, she does respect them now because there is virtually no contact at all. I can tell stories of manipulation by my mom and threats that she made and subversive activities (undermining parental values) that occured but I'm tired of it.

  Dad - Welcome to JWD. It really is a good place. Since joining, I've met many of the posters in real life. These are good people trying to learn how to reclaim their lives outside of a cultish environment. Each damaged to greater or lesser degrees and each in varying stages of recovery. I strongly encourage you to check back here from time to time. There are some who are quite militant with extreme and emotional views of JW and WTS but many are also quite articulate, insightful and supportive. You will find a goldmine of information that will help you balance and counter-balance the emotional climate that will impact your young son's life.

  Don't know if it's been mentioned yet or not but the discipline to sit still at the meetings often starts getting serious at about 6 months of age. I watched one little girl be beaten with wooden spoon routinely starting before she was one. She would be about 17 now. YIKES! I hope her parents left and lightened up a little... (This was extreme and most discipline of toddlers is not that consistent or severe, but it does happen.) More than likely Grandma won't be extreme, but others may be. I've seen non-related adults hit other people's children. Once I had a virtual stranger (Ministerial Servant) offer to take and discipline a figgitty (sp?) child who was visiting me. Can you imagine getting a spanking from a stranger?? WTF????

  Uggg. I understand Dad's feelings - it's Grandma. A child needs it grandmother's love. That's probably true. But grandma needs proper training first before she can be trusted.

  Best wishes for peace to each of you.

  -Aude.
• 

  OUTLAW

  Underbeliever..I`ve never meet a JW yet,that didn`t do as they dam well pleased,when it comes to other peoples children..Keep the baby away from a person who has no respect for your family..My mom was the same way..I should have killed her in her sleep when I was a kid..She has caused no end of grief in my marrage and family..My marrage and family have been broken up for over a decade.A great deal to do due with that bitch`s meddling.....Ryan1..Your not dealing with a poor confused Grandma..Your dealing with a calculating member of a dangerous "Cult" that will stop at nothing to do the bidding of her "Cult". Keep your family away from this destructive Cult the "Jehovah`s Witness`s",listen to your wife on this matter..I promise you absolute disaster,if you fail to heed this warning...OUTLAW
• 

  Ryan1

  I suggest you do some reading on it because you need to take your significant other seriously when she tells you she is right to be very upset about this stuff.

  I am taking this seriously. Two days ago she was threatening to end our relationship and "show me the door". Believe me I am taking this seriously. I am trying very hard to be the voice of reason here. He will never see the inside of a Kingdom Hall again. I've already told unbeliever's mum that she can't talk about her religious beliefs or take him to church EVER. I really think it's in the best interest of the baby she be given a second chance. I already told unbeliever I would there the whole time. I don't know what more I can do.