Guilt over how I acted when I was disfellowshipped-moment of weakness (page 3)

minimus

Get professional counseling. There are some like Gumby that have gone back for personal reasons. If that's your only workable alternative, then what can you do?? Otherwise, come to grips with the fact that you are a "failure" not because you need to humbly go back to the Witnesses but because you've got real issues that need to be addressed by a professional.

Hortensia

I agree with minimus. Get some professional therapy. I had a year of counselling with a psychologist when I was leaving the org., and I have always been grateful I took that step. At the time I couldn't afford it so I found out that the county had a program called County Mental Health which offered services based on income. I'm still grateful as it really turned things areound for me.

as for feeling guilty about the way you acted back then, you could call each one and say you are terribly sorry for how you acted. You still believe you were treated badly, and you don't plan to go back, but you want each one to know how sorry you feel for acting out so badly.

Then try to forget it. Get on with life. If you were miserable once in the org., you will be again so why go that route? As for being lonely and isolated, I can relate. When I left the org., I had no social skills at all. I was lonely and had no friends. I went to a trade school (as I also had no job skills, another problem of former JWs,) and learned a trade but also met a bunch of nice people and in the process of interacting with them in class I made friends and learned how to talk to people. Still not really good at it, but that's OK.

JWdaughter

Shawn, I'm sorry, I just read your post and don't have time to go through all the replies. I feel so bad for what you are going through. I don't think you will ever find what you are seeking by re-instatement though. You will still always be the red-haired child and will be held at arms length. It sounds like in many ways you have grown and matured since your disfellowshipment. Perhaps it would ease your guilt to write a very courteous and honest letter about why you reacted so badly and apologise for your emotional outburst and ugly (if indeed it was) behavior. For you to cave entirely, and seek re-instatement it will not only be ego crushing, it will be soul crushing. You know better. You have exactly what led up to the DFing and the wrongs that happened at that time. You won't ever forget that-so to go back to the org. that brought it all down just means you will probably just go totally postal when it happens again (and it probably will-you know more now than you did then, plus they are going to look for anything about you to condemn.) I wish you well in whatever decision you make, but don't punish yourself for the rest of your life for words that can't be unsaid. Re-joining is not the repentence that will heal you. It is an action that will hurt you.

AuldSoul

Shawn,

Were you disfellowshipped for something Jerry Springer would air? If so, then you may actually have been experiencing proper guilt (for a time). If not, then you did nothing that would be shocking even to people of the nations (as Paul put it).

If you didn't do something that would be shocking to the nations then they went too far in disfellowshipping you. I invite you to read John 9 and see how Jesus felt about throwing people away.

Respectfully,
AuldSoul

SPAZnik

Shawn10538,

Wherever you go, there you are.
Feeling like an outsider.
Who told you that you don't belong?
It's not true.
You already belong.
You belong to the human family.
You belong to this planet.
You belong to your neighborhood.
You belong to your school.
You belong to your family.
You belong to your friends.
You belong to us.
You belong to yourself.

Do what you need to do.
Please though,
don't insult yourself or your kind (humankind)
by thinking you don't belong.
Humanity is amazing.
Including you.
In some ways, especially you.
Everyone has a story.
Including you.
You belong.

As for your comment about failing,
would you believe this is a good thing?
There is so much to be learned from our downtimes.
It's like, nature's university.
From before university existed (as a way to make educator's rich).
Read up on ANY accomplished individual or group
and you will find that they often "failed" miserably
before reaching unimaginable heights.
Take for instance, Michael Jordan, basketball star extraordinaire.
Did you know he didn't make the cut for his high school basketball team?
Imagine if he'd given up when that happened.
Or how about that rich dude, what's his name...Donald Trump
Did you know he used to be bankrupt?
Imagine if he'd given up when that happened.
Oprah Winfrey, did you know she was molested as a child?
Imagine if she'd given up when that happened.
Countless biographies will reveal enormously challenging histories attached to phenomenal people...people like us! :)

Wishing you the happiness you seek.

SPAZnik

ps - whatever you do, please cut yourself some slack and give yourself some credit for what you're succeeding at and everything you've dared to take on! it sounds like you're being hard on yourself. (There is a saying, "if they'll do it with you, they'll do it to you"....if you continue being hard on yourself, I can only assume you will continue being hard on others. Stop it!) take it one step at a time, one minute at a time. let us know how you're doing, 'kay? :)

SPAZnik

Googled "guilt" and thought these pages made some interesting points and suggestions. :)

http://www.coping.org/growth/guilt.htm
http://buddhism.kalachakranet.org/guilt.html

sass_my_frass

I can relate to that anger and there are many conversations I wish I'd been cooler in. Still, I don't want any of my "family" back after the way they so instantly rejected me. That's not the kind of love I want in my life.

Have you really gotten active in life since then? Do you make an effort socially? If not, you'll probably find that even after all the horror of reinstatement, you won't have witness family and friends anyway - they never really accept people back nicely.

Black Sheep

I can relate to your anger very much.

My guilt feelings are long gone. All of the guilt I ever felt was imposed on me by the Borg and were illegitimate.

The posters who have suggested councelling are on the ball.

Please take their advice.

Cheers from New Zealand

Chris

greendawn

Shawn as I see from your post you were a very active JW in the past so you must have contributed a lot to this org, then after all that service for them to just drop you like a hot potato must have been infuriating, that cheeky way they write off all those sacrifices in one stroke, that's a very rotten deal for any fervent ex member. So I can understand your rage at the time, I believe they deserved it and you shouldn't feel guilty about it. As for going back to the dubs it is obviously not a good option, I don't know if you ever made a serious and systematic effort to completely get rid of all the WTS complex of ideas (the world is satanic, the end will come very soon, salvation comes only through belonging to the WTS, God hates all opposers of their org who are an accursed lot) which I believe is behind your failure to adjust to living away from the WTS. Don't you also have some family outside the cult that you can associate with?

jwfacts

The purpose of life is to be happy. From your comments it appears that the way in which you are approaching life is not bringing you happiness, and so it is worth re-evaluating how you view life and react to things.

Your post is about guilt. Guilt is a pointless and damaging emotion, and unfortunately you are letting this emotion rule your life. Even if you behaved in an unwise or even a bad manner, feeling guilty about it will achieve nothing. It is better to recognize what you did was wrong and determine how to react in a wiser manner in the future. What you did in the past was as a younger less experienced person. You have grown and can feel comfort in knowing that you would behave differently now, with the knowledge you now have. Reading Hassan’s Releasing the Bonds and seeing a Cognitive Behavioral therapist may help you replace the damaging way of thinking the Watchtower has inculcated in you in order to view life in a more positive, happy manner.

Personally I would recommend you find the real you and become a happy person before choosing to go back to the meetings. Otherwise it is like a heroin addict giving up heroin and then going straight back to it because they can’t deal with life. It just takes time and effort to overcome the addiction. Once you have properly moved on then you will be in a better position to know what to do. Rather then going back to the cult, you will be of more benefit to everyone if you move on with your life. You can then possibly apologize to the family for your inappropriate behavior. But be firm with them; let them know that you would never return to the cult because of the false teachings and prophecies etc. You never know, maybe some of them want to leave too and all they need is to see a relative that left, has successfully moved on, and can support them when they leave.

I am failing at college, teaching and almost everything I try. I was good at being a witness once upon a time and happy once too.

You have been happy and successful in the past so you can be in the future. It was not because you were a JW, but because you have abilities. Things are bad at the moment because you are feeling down but when you start to feel happy you will be successful again. I know because for a year after I was d/f my life fell apart. But now my life is better than it has ever been. What will help you is a support group and friends. Maybe you can join some clubs or meetup groups as a way to start a new life.

Guilt over how I acted when I was disfellowshipped-moment of weakness

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