My wife "Rowan" needs of your support too. (page 3)

juni

Dearest Rowan,

I can relate to what you are going through. After my attempted suicide I got professional help. I felt much the same as you. Death seemed better than living a life in anguish.

But since that time I've gained grandchildren - so much I would've missed out on and so many good times. I made new friends and worked at a wildlife rehab center. It was my very first close contact w/the "world". So many wonderful people and I enjoyed being close to the wildlife and viewing their antics and baby time was just fantastic. All things that I took for granted before.

As you know, the WT organization keeps one busy all of the time and any time you may have extra they "encourage" you to spend it in field service. I was in for 21 years and raised 4 kids (who are not JWs today). Always on the run. I DAed myself 14 years ago.

Like you, I had a real battle on my hands trying to find a place for what was my entire "life" for all of those years. My counselors really helped. It is so wonderful to hear that Gerry is by your side - recognizing your pain and being there for you even wanting himself to get direction to know better what you are going through. My husband didn't. He was a real asshole about it. I would be in bed, crying and sleeping a lot. Always wanting to be by myself. He just watched TV w/a minimum interest as to how I was doing. I won't go into the whole story.

It takes time for the brain to "heal". I always said I wish I could just cut those memories out of my head or better yet have a "do over". But that isn't possible.

I wish you peace of mind in your life Rowan. And again you have a wonderful soulmate and friend. Together you will get on with your life.

A big hug for you,

Juni

bernadette

Rowan I'm very sorry over what the wts has done to you.

Nature, time and rest are the best healers

best wishes and hugs to you both

love

bernadette

Nathan Natas

Gerard, my friend, how I wish I could say just the perfect thing that would make your beloved wife's pain go away; but I know this is not in my power. All I can tell her is that the pain she is feeling is not something she deserves, except according to the self-righteous verbiage that spews like bilge from a bottomless holding tank in Brooklyn.

Perhaps it will help if your wife tries an exercise in self-observation. When she is hurting, ask her to imagine that she can "step aside" from herself and identify WHAT is hurting and WHY. Is she hurt because a calculation of 2,520 days is fruitless, or because she has been alienated from her father by the dictates of the WTB&TS? (I suspect the latter reason is more likely.) Of course my example is rather simplistic: she will find she can frame better questions and better answers, and delve deeper and I think that possibly these moments of detached introspection could yield benefits.

Please be strong, Gerard, and ask your wife to be strong for you. In time you will see that "this too will pass."

with brotherly love for you both,

- Nathan

Mary

She was re-established (after 2 humiliating attempts) only to renew family ties (she faded successfully now) but years or bottled anger and constant pain have taken their toll. She has suffered through years of significant depression and now she is undergoing a mayor brakedown, which is requiring of professional help.

This is not an unusual thing to happen when someone realizes that much of their life was one big lie. It hurts like hell for many of us because it feels as though we were betrayed by our parents. If she is getting really good medical/professional help now, then that should go a LONG way in helping her restore her equlibrium. It sounds as though she's been destroyed mentally, emotionally and spiritually which is not surprising, given the nature of this rotten cult. I don't know if Rowan is still a believer, but for myself, I find reading the bible on my own, goes a long way in making me feel better. Yes, I still believe there is a God----and He's not connected with the Watchtower Society in any way, shape or form. There are many trained professional Psychologists that specialize in helping people come out of cults. It might not seem possible right now, but down the road when she's healing and back on track, she'll look back and realize what a strong person she is, to come through after being battered down.

Gerard, give Rowan a big hug and tell her we're thinking of her.

Mary

LisaRose

I have found meditation and journaling to be very helpfull in bringing out painfull emotions and memories and dealing with them. The JW Brainwashing teaches you to ignore your feelings so they just get buried. It takes time to work through this. Also they made me afraid to use meditation (unless you were meditating on the Bible!). Don't be afraid it's very helpfull.

purplesofa

Dear Rowan,

What I know about PTSD is that alot of times it does not surface till some things in your life are better, then it hits you. I found that when my present life had calmed down the past came rushing in. I wonder sometimes if it will ever completely go away. I deal with what I can and keep going.

I know that with my lifes problems, it would have been so awesome to have somone love me as much as Gerard loves you. So many people don't have that. It is very special.

Hang in there and hang on.........after coming out of each low valley........you can see the flowers and trees and birds once again.

One other thing............music helped me alot ........I went a long time not listening to music or it having any affect on me..........

I can hear music again.

purps

OnTheWayOut

I have bitterness, but no Judicial committees, yet. I don't seek counseling (yet) because I think
I can work it out, and I am a fader. I am not ready to deal with the JW's in my life about my
counselling, and I am not ready to deal with a counselor suggesting how to deal with the JW's
in my life. I don't have depression, so I can wait. I may go, one day.

If your wife is happy with her counselor, stay with that. Ask that professional what you can do
to help the situation. If the counselor doesn't understand JW or cult issues, start at
www.freedomofmind.com and follow the links to counseling. Start educating yourself. People will
recommend different books. That same link will lead to Steve Hassan's books on cults.
Also, books by Ray Franz help you learn about JW's. Links to learn about JW's can be found
through www.freeminds.org and others simply by googling "Jehovah's Witnesses."

Keep asking questions here. Someone has had a problem similar to yours, whatever it is.

Leolaia

Gerard....She is really blessed to have someone like you...just hearing you describe her and her sorrow, I don't doubt that you have provided her a safe moorage during these difficult times even if she needs more help and guidance than you can provide... Like some others, I don't really have any good advice and I haven't been through a fraction of what she's gone through, but I may still express my sincere wish that she navigates a steady course to calmer waters...even if hard times still lie ahead, I hope they are all part of the path that leads her to happiness and freedom from depression.

Lady Lee

I popped in and just had to stop to say a few things

Gerard - thanks for posting this and opening a door for your wife Rowan to step through.

Rowan - I'm glad you are seeing a professional and that you have been correctly diagnosed with PTSD. And Yes. It is very common among cult survivors.

You will find that the purpose of counseling is to help you deal with all that pent up anger and depression. Being raised as a JW is tough enough. Being throw out can be devastating. I know it was for me. I felt angry, betrayed and as if I was not good enough. Mind you I always felt like I was not good enough.

My mother went to my ex's wedding but wouldn't come to visit me (and she worked 5 minutes from my house!)

I was very depressed and had serious thoughts of ending it all. Instead I decided to go back to school and bury myself in books and information. I don't know how I did it but I did graduate.

I also did a lot of reading to help me deal with everything and did get some counseling. It was well worth it

As Minimus stated I have written a few things about recovery and you might want to take a look at some of it as well as The best of.... JanG - Recovery info

The Best of... Lady Lee You might find the following the moist helpful in what I have written

The truth is that we were good enough. We may have done things we weren't proud of but the way people are treated by the elders during judicial committees is downright abusive. I cannot for the life of me think I would treat either my children or my grandchildren in such an uncaring and unloving manner. Heck I wouldn't even treat my cat that way

It is important to know that waht was done to you - the betrayal and the JC had nothing to do with you personally. It had to do with an organization that seeks to control every facet of a person's life and then cruelly punishes those that don't conform

If you have a man who loves you like Gerard does then you can't possibly be as unlovable as the WTS wants you to believe.

(((both of you)))

mouthy

but you made ME CRY anyway

Oh Annie I didnt mean to do that (((HUG)))
SEE Rowen !!! the effect I have on people....That is why I say my husband ( he never talked about me like yours does) Is sitting up in Heaven & every time my name gets called He says "PLEASE dont let her up here it is heaven without her"!!!!
I am trying to make you smile gal ((((HUG))))

My wife "Rowan" needs of your support too.

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