Tell your friend that his shepherding call will definitely result in a Judicial Committee if he starts answering their questions!
Cancel the meeting ASAP!
I need your advice
by cookiemaster 29 Replies latest jw experiences
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Slidin Fast
There is no benefit to your friend in allowing the meeting, whether shepherding call, pre-judicial meeting or any other reason. The only reasons for it will be to draw you back in or kick you out. Just duck it. -
Billy the Ex-Bethelite
Now, they've been at his workplace to look for him
Yeah, that's when I'd tell them that they would have to pay my employer for the privilege of conversing with me.
Now, all of the sudden they want to visit.
Chances are that if he cancels and avoids them, they'll just as suddenly disappear again. "Well Br. CO, we tried..."
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cha ching
Definitely do not meet up....
Nowadays, things are very different than the innocent "Hey, we're just stopping by"..... etc.
I had a friend that was asked to go to a "meeting" that she thought was one of 'upbuilding,' she cried, and the next thing you knew she was "marked".... She had no clue, until the announcement!
After that bit of insanity (elders with an ego can do and say anything they very well like) she thought, "Hell no, I won't go.... ever again!" I agree!
Never, and I mean never, meet with them... You have no control. They are a law to themselves. They do not deserve any information from you, so you SHOULD 'play along' / mislead with their "stupicratic warfare" / do anything to get them off your back. "I have a cold" "I am anxious, I couldn't sleep" "I changed my mind" or just plain old "don't go." Don't show up... People miss doctor's appointments that took them months to get, they miss job interviews, they miss dinner dates. What is so bad about "missing a meeting"?
If they do show up, and ask 'why?", just stare them in the face and don't answer them... Raise your eyebrows, shrug your shoulders, say, "Hmmm?" and walk away.
Don't go... your life will be more and more complicated, and why?
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OnTheWayOut
What would you advise?
First of all, it is not you asking what YOU should do. You can ask this other person if he wants your thoughts. Otherwise, even when we don't agree that someone should meet with two elders and tell them what he really thinks, it is irrelevant.
I fully no longer need the closure of telling off some judicial committee or the C.O. or whomever. I have found other ways to deal with it. But that's me. This guy may very well need just that.
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cookiemaster
OnTheWayOut - I might have not mentioned it, because I thought it was kinda obvious, but he asked me for my advice. Furthermore, I even told him I will ask for advice on this forum and he said that's a great idea. So, he's definitely willing to accept advice from me and from you guys. He's not so much after closure as much as he is for being left alone by JW's, preferably without getting DF'ed or DA'ing. -
RubaDub
I would just tell them that you will be returning to the meetings soon, very soon.
Rub a Dub
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Freesoul
Use their own "theocratic warfare" against them. The leaders of this cult lie to the rank and file, you have to lie to make sure that they do not use your family as a weapon against you.
"When in doubt lie your guts out"
I faded 20 years ago and can still talk to my family, I was always "sick" "over worked" "children were sick" and acted spiritually weak. If they ask you do you believe they are the faithful slave or any other questions, just agree with them.
If you stop going to meeting, they will not feel that they have to keep the congregation clean, so stay away.
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OnTheWayOut
He's not so much after closure as much as he is for being left alone by JW's, preferably without getting DF'ed or DA'ing.
I may be late in responding. Sorry. The only correct answer for such a desire is to not meet with them. If cornered by surprise, say "I don't wish to discuss the matter." Many have had positive results from cleverly avoiding saying certain things to the elders and others have said the things they wanted to say and were left alone. But the typical result is disfellowshipping or saying the person disassociated himself. Just take away their power by saying "No thanks."
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MisterP
There was a whole bunch of me and mates who left at the same time. This was over 20 years ago,and myself and 2 friends told the elders exactly what we thought of them and the organisation , and it was no surprise we were DFed, where as the other 3 just faded away, they avoided any meetings with elders at all costs, and two of them had fathers who were elders, and they still managed to slip thru the net. They will give up in the end.
The way you wish to leave the organisation may depend on two factors.
1) if you have family still in it, will they speak to you if you are DFed?
2) Do you have friends who you wish to stay in contact with, who are still in?
For me personally, I'm so glad now that I got DFed all those years ago, I did struggle with my conscience initially for about 6 years, but because I was DFed and not just faded away, it was a lot harder for me to get back in, and there were times I really wanted to go back to see my old friends and to feel the warmth and love of the people I grew up with, and now I'm so glad I didn't. I can't think of a bigger waist of time than being a JW. There is so much in this world to explore and do, with so many wonderful people who are not tainted with the JW brush. Just leave it all behind, and walk away, Don't worry how you leave, it really does not matter in the long run. Spread your wings, live your life, be free.