What to do, what to do?!?

outnfree

This is long, so please bear with me. For some background info you may or may not want to read: http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/6/100930/1.ashx

I need your opinions, please. I was divorced in May 2005. It has been over two years since the marital home was supposed to go on the market according to mediation. SInce then, ex-hubby has thwarted efforts to put the house on the market by refusing to cooperate in clean-up, repairs, or cost of repairs effected by someone else. He is still living there and had no impetus to sell, because he's comfortable there and I'm already gone.

I, on the other hand, have moved on -- I own a 3-BR condominium in a neighboring town, our son lives with me, the girls have the spare room to crash in when they come home. I am attending university full time (5 classes this semester) and have a little work-study related job.

On the 1st of Nov 2006, the family court judge ordered, with both our consents, to place the home in receivership. This is not the same as foreclosure when one doesn't pay the mortgage and the bank sells/auctions the home to recoup the mortgage lien. It means that due to the lack of cooperation between the parties to the divorce, the judge is appointing someone to take over the duties of preparing the home for sale and listing and selling it. An important point to remember is that the ex- agreed to receivership in open court. The judge did this to enforce the provisions of the original divorce decree.

To make a long story short, the ex- is now not cooperating with the Receiver. About 10 days ago, the receiver took the ex- to court to force cooperation or the ex- may be evicted.

When I got wind of the upcoming proceedings through my attorney, I e-mailed the ex- to warn him of that dire possibility. I have since spoken to the receiver twice. The first time he indicated he would prefer my ex- just work with him to get the house into showable state and continue to live there. The second time (this past Friday) he told me he considered my ex- to be purposely blocking access and planned to go through with the eviction. If I wanted to remove/salvage some belongings, he would work with me.

I e-mailed the ex- to let him know what I knew and proposed salvaging at a minimum the remaining furniture and appliances. (For myself, there is only 1 piece of furniture that I'd like to have that's still there.) He responded icily:

that he was out of town next week (the receiver will act within the next 10 days), that he will stop paying the mortgage (because he cannot afford to pay that and another rent/mortgage somewhere new) should he be evicted, that I started all this and should put a stop to it, and that "we will not get any return out of the house in this manner."

Now -- this is my question: To salvage ALL the furniture and appliances, getting movers in to bring the goods to storage, or just to salvage the piece of furniture I want, the bedroom set one of my daughters wants, and a few boxes full of memorabilia that remain there?

For your information, my name is on the deed but not on the mortgage. My credit rating will not suffer if the house goes into foreclosure. On the other hand, I will likely get less equity back out of the home.

My initial reaction was to reply:

"How will we get any return out of the house if it is not on the market? You have resisted doing so for over two years.
"I have no control over what the receiver does from now on. You agreed to receivership in open court.
"If you quit paying the mortgage, the house will go into foreclosure, and we may get even less for it. However, you may want to seriously consider what a foreclosure will mean to your credit rating for the next seven years.
"So, do you want me to salvage the furniture or not?"

What say you?

Thanks,
out

UnConfused

Your reply seems perfectly fair and clear to me. As to getting all the stuff, the value would far outweigh the cost of movers and storage if you were to just sell it - minus what you want.

lisavegas420

I hate it when adults act like immature children

Sorry you're having to go through this. Why do you think he's doing it? Maybe he's too depressed to care? Maybe he thinks the new system will get here before he has to make any decissions.

lisa

AlmostAtheist

I think there are "estate buyers" that will come into a house and give you an offer on everything. You grab the pieces you want, then have them come in and give you an offer. They haul it all away and you get the house emptied. Then you and the ex- split the offer.

Assuming, of course, that the ex- will go along with it. :-(

It sounds like you've moved on nicely and it will be a relief when this final thorn is removed. I hope it gets resolved and out of your life as quickly as possible.

Dave

BlackSwan of Memphis

Hey Babe,

First grrrrrrrr.

Out, you have been one of The Most Tolerant and Patient ex's I have ever seen. Ever!! You have a hell of a lot of your plate right now.

You said this:

Now -- this is my question: To salvage ALL the furniture and appliances, getting movers in to bring the goods to storage, or just to salvage the piece of furniture I want, the bedroom set one of my daughters wants, and a few boxes full of memorabilia that remain there?

You and the kids take what has sentimental value. Past that, I think Dave has a great idea, IF that could fly under these circumstances. Otherwise, take what you can get and let them evict his butt.

This p***ed me off:

that he was out of town next week (the receiver will act within the next 10 days), that he will stop paying the mortgage (because he cannot afford to pay that and another rent/mortgage somewhere new) should he be evicted, that I started all this and should put a stop to it, and that "we will not get any return out of the house in this manner."

Ok, I really, really hope that you aren't buying into that BS. I can't believe he said that. I give you a ton of kudos for responding without ripping his head off. You both know how this all got started and if he forgot, you should remind him.

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((out))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

outnfree

I am leaning towards putting everything into storage. It's what my son and one of my daughters think I should do - with the idea that I give him two months to decide if he wants his stuff or not, and if he doesn't act by the deadline, I take what I want and sell off the rest. (It would be put out on the curb/kerb by the bailiff anyway.) The third child has not yet been polled. ;)

I am going to head over to the house now to empty the refrigerator as tomorrow is trash day in his neighborhood.

Dave -- I didn't think of estate buyers. It would be a good idea if cooperation could be expected, but it cannot. What I believe he is hoping is that I save him from eviction somehow and the status quo can go on -- he lives there not lifting a finger to get the sale going and depriving me for as long as he possibly can of my share of the equity.

Lisa -- I believe he IS depressed. He lost both his parents last year. He didn't really want the divorce, even though he was cheating on me. But there is also a mean streak in him. I think he feels he's punishing me. And he is, in a way, because he knows me well enough to try to make me buy into the "this is all your fault, so you put a stop to it" baloney. The thing is, I'm done accepting blame for a state of affairs that came into being because of his actions (the affair) or inaction (not dealing with the legal matters intrinsic to a divorce).

UnConfused -- I think the stuff will reap far more in value than the cost of the movers and storage also should I sell off everything I don't want.

(((BSoM))) -- No, honey, I'm not buying it! (see above) However, I am a bit of a sentimental fool -- I really don't want to see him brought that low. Also, there are things from his parents amid the remaining furnishings that, if he doesn't care enough about to make certain they are safe from disposal, I would like to recover for our kids. However, I did just consider leaving all except for the things I want personally and believe the kids may want someday, because I'm wondering if this isn't part of a big life lesson Mr. Powerful Executive is supposed to learn. That is, a lesson in what's really important -- not the things nor the status, but PEOPLE, especially the people we love...

Ah, well. I'm still open for more opinions.

talley

I think you should get only the things you absolutely want and that will fit into your condo. And one of the "things" you don't want are storage charges in your name on into infinity." After that you should back out and let the court appointed receiver handle everything else: eviction, disposal of contents, possible foreclosure, repair, marketing, sale, etc. That is what the court has appointed the receiver to do. I think you should no longer be running interference between your former husband and the court appointed receiver." That is just my $.02's worth." Judy

BlackSwan of Memphis

However, I am a bit of a sentimental fool -- I really don't want to see him brought that low.

I wouldn't say that.

I would say that you are just a genuinely kind person who cares about others and you spent so many years with this man, who is the father of your beautiful kids, so you Care about him Still.

Lucky him.

Hortensia

well, we all play the same old games over and over. Let's see, he's an abuser, you're a victim. No, he's a victim, you're rescuing him. No, you're both victims and the court is abusing you.

Grow up, let HIM take the consequences of HIS actions. Quit rescuing him. Quit running interference, as another poster said. Why are you so nice-nice to someone who clearly doesn't give a rat's ass about you? Go over there, get the furniture you want, and then stay out of it. Why are you cleaning the damn refrigerator? Maybe all this hassle just allows you to keep interacting with him? You haven't moved on at all.

by the way, one of the things abusers do is blame the victim, so of course it's all your fault, and logic won't convince him otherwise.

avidbiblereader

Outnfree, I just PM'd you with some info that many don't know about going through these situations if you need any help or suggestions, wish you the best.

abr

What to do, what to do?!?

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