What to do, what to do?!?

by outnfree 16 Replies latest jw friends

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  garybuss

  My best deals in life have been the bad deals I got out of.
  
  I always get legal advise from a trusted attorney.
  
  
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  Crumpet

  I think your plan of putting everything in storage for a set period of 2 months is more than fair. Its a shame he is being so juvenile!

  ((((outnfree))))
• 

  outnfree

  Judy -- I hear you. I think what you said might be exactly what my psychologist would say.
  
  You, too, Hortensia. Of course, I will always have to interact with the man, he's the father of my children. I spent over 30 years of my life with him. But I get your point. I can choose to play on his stage or to just butt out and let him hoist his own petard.
  
  abr -- I read your PM and answered you. Thanks for that interesting info.
  
  GaryBuss -- I fully intend to consult my attorney tomorrow. My list of questions keeps growing.
  
  Crumpet -- I think it's more than fair, too, for me to salvage the furnishings. If he doesn't want the things by the time two months or up, I can use Dave's idea (above) to get some estate sale people in and let them bid on the entire lot.
  
  Tomorrow is for calling the attorney and finding out how much it would cost to move things. I already know what storage will cost -- I'd stored things pre-condo move-in.
  
  Anyway, I'm home now and back to concentrating on MY life -- I've got homework to do...
  
  Thanks for the input, guys.
  
  MUAH -- out
• 

  Crumpet

  Good luck! And have a nice evening!!
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  MsMcDucket

  You can't be his foot stool forever. Breaking up is hard to do. I just want to know what you want? Is it him or the furniture?
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  outnfree

  I know -- Ms McD -- there's a whole dynamic here where I feel RESPONSIBLE for this man. I don't know why... I DON"T want him, truly. I DO want him to finish out his life as safe and secure and happy as possible. I want for him, what I want for me. I don't want bad things to happen to my kids' father.
  
  I suppose by saving the furniture I am trying to save him (still! <insert rolling eyes here>) from himself. It's a role I did play during our many years together. So, force of habit? And I AM a sentimental sap in that I would be PERSONALLY distressed if things my in-laws gave to us over the years were unceremoniously put in a dumpster. I loved my in-laws very much PLUS I'm a bit of a packrat.
  
  The more I read the comments here, the more I am thinking that perhaps I WILL just take what I happen to want and leave the rest to play itself out.... Yet 2 out of 3 kids think I should not only take what I want, but sell off the rest rather than it be of no value to either of us...
  
  Perhaps it shouldn't be a dilemma -- but it sure feels like one to me...
  
  out
• 

  bikerchic

  ((((((((outnfree))))))))

  So sorry you are going through all this.

  I suppose by saving the furniture I am trying to save him (still! <insert rolling eyes here>) from himself. It's a role I did play during our many years together. So, force of habit? And I AM a sentimental sap in that I would be PERSONALLY distressed if things my in-laws gave to us over the years were unceremoniously put in a dumpster. I loved my in-laws very much PLUS I'm a bit of a packrat.

  I always say the work goes to the person who has a vested interest in it. If it's really something you want do the work to get all the stuff in storage and also pay the storage fee is up to you for however long you want to pay the storage fee. I would put a limit on how long I would be willing to pay the storage fee, however that said if it's his stuff and you know darn well he'll eventually end up with it make sure you stipulate that he will have to reimburse you those fees plus moving costs and a fee for your time and efforts.

  If it were me knowing people and having dealt with an X who wanted to fight over everything..........I would walk away it's just stuff and after all before this stuff came into your life weren't you doing fine without it?

  Life is too short to be concerned more over people than they are for themselves. It's his life let him suffer the consequences of his own actions or lack thereof. With all you have on your plate do you really need to take on more work and financial responsibilities? Storage fees aren't cheap and arranging for all his stuff to be dealt with down the road with a broker is just more time and effort you'll have to extend on his stuff again later. If you keep rescuing him he'll never learn to take care of himself. I thought divorce was to finally be rid of each other not continue on......

  Anyway, I'm home now and back to concentrating on MY life -- I've got homework to do...

  Remember your life/his life.....you do yours and let him do his no matter how hard it is to watch, heck the less you know about him the better IMHO.

  Good luck!