For All Former Elders

Yes I did exactly that in one case. I was bother quite a bit by it and actually apologized multiple times for it.

Fortunately for me all the other DF'ings I was involved with were cut and dried folks who wanted out.

It was pretty had to get DF'd by a committee I was serving on. I got in trouble with the other elders for "coaching" a teen in how and what to say to be spared the DF'ing

Thanks for asking

How can one be able to tell when one is cut and dried and others are not?

When you DF someone, how did it effect you personally?

Sorry if I sound so imposing, just trying to understand what it is like from an Elder's point of view.

Thanks

Yiz

The individuals that I was on the committee for were all self destructive individuals whose substance abuse had already destroyed their lives before they came that far. They were disowned by their families because of their abuse of physical, financial and emotional abuse. It wasn't hard to DF someone who beat his wife to a pulp. She wouldn't call the cops. I wasn't too big on the whole DF'ing thing and manged to prevent most, opting for private reproof.

Most were private reproof of fatherless teens and it was actually in their interest to say what was on their heart. They needed someone to talk to. I always encouraged them to come to me before they got into trouble and I would be there for them. Many did.

None who were DF'd hung around. Couldn't tell you where they went, although one of them succumbed to his addiction and died. I cared for that person a great deal, but this was due to his self destructive behavior and not DF'ing. Rehab five times, four of which were while on private reproof. He was really assisted in trying to fight his addiction for 20 years before he put the nail in his own coffin. Very sad. Addiction takes people no matter what religion.

W.Once

I was involved in only one Judicial commitee and a disfellowshipping. After I got out I did call the lady up and apologize for any grief I caused her. She had gotten reinstated, but then faded out a few years later. Her husband was not a JW, but her family was. She accepted my apology and was not mad at me. I also told her it was her brother-in-law who wrote a letter to the Society ratting her out. NOW, that bit of information she did appreciate.

HEY Yiz welcome back long time no see ....Are you going to PA this year????

Yizuman,

I will comment on this topic with great pleasure. Superb questions. The whole judicial process is one thing that began to convince me that the org. is a sham. From the first J.C. I served on I always sought to preserve the dignity of the individual. This often put me at odds with the other members. Till the very end of my service as an elder I tried, albeit in a quiet way, to look out for the accused. I understood that,even playing by the org's own rules, dfing should almost never take place. I based this on the example of David. David was,by all accounts, a very, very, very bad man. Yet he was shown mercy. I often reminded the other J.C. members of this fact. Ultimately I realized I could no longer sit as judge of anyone. My resignation as an elder soon followed. As for apologizing to some for my role in J.C.s yes I've done so in a couple of cases. For some cases it would be impractical if not impossible to do so.

I'm in the process of helping several Witnesses to wake up. I'm sure I'll help more to leave than I ever converted. I'm planning to write a book as well.

P.S.- Please allow one point for your cosideration Yizuman. As Ray Franz reminds us in CoC, elders, GB members, etc. are victims of victims. Yes some are haughty, arrogant, (a bunch of other descriptive words I don't want to use because I don't want to get kicked off of here) human beings. But for the most part they're just doing what they've been taught (programmed) to do, at least by example. We must not hate. Rather let's spend our energies on helping as many as possible to wake up and being there for each other. I shed many tears as an elder. I know I wasn't the only one. Give them time. Many,many more will awaken to reality. Let's be there for them so their path isn't so difficult.

Much love and respect,

Nvrgnbk

I will comment on this topic with great pleasure. Superb questions. The whole judicial process is one thing that began to convince me that the org. is a sham. From the first J.C. I served on I always sought to preserve the dignity of the individual. This often put me at odds with the other members. Till the very end of my service as an elder I tried, albeit in a quiet way, to look out for the accused. I understood that,even playing by the org's own rules, dfing should almost never take place. I based this on the example of David. David was,by all accounts, a very, very, very bad man. Yet he was shown mercy. I often reminded the other J.C. members of this fact. Ultimately I realized I could no longer sit as judge of anyone. My resignation as an elder soon followed. As for apologizing to some for my role in J.C.s yes I've done so in a couple of cases. For some cases it would be impractical if not impossible to do so.

I'm in the process of helping several Witnesses to wake up. I'm sure I'll help more to leave than I ever converted. I'm planning to write a book as well.

P.S.- Please allow one point for your cosideration Yizuman. As Ray Franz reminds us in CoC, elders, GB members, etc. are victims of victims. Yes some are haughty, arrogant, (a bunch of other descriptive words I don't want to use because I don't want to get kicked off of here) human beings. But for the most part they're just doing what they've been taught (programmed) to do, at least by example. We must not hate. Rather let's spend our energies on helping as many as possible to wake up and being there for each other. I shed many tears as an elder. I know I wasn't the only one. Give them time. Many,many more will awaken to reality. Let's be there for them so their path isn't so difficult.

Much love and respect,

Nvrgnbk

(((Never-going-back))),

Your post touched my heart, and confirmed the feeling that there are quite a few loving, and forgiving elders out there....thank you. I really do empathize with the heavy load that elders do have to carry, no wonder so many are quick to judge harshly.....they're over-worked and under appreciated.

Sorry to hijack this thread as I am not a former elder...

I chaired one DF and helped the person come back to a good standing. She wasn't
ready to reject Jehovah, she would have had the same outcome if I weren't there.
I do feel bad about some reproofs I was involved with, but I only sent an apology for
one, and it was carefully worded so as not to raise flags if the elders get it.

I kinda feel bad about one person I aided into the JW organization. Let me type it
here and see what you say.

About 6 years ago, a guy walks into the hall, he's my age and single. It happens
to be the Sunday of our CO visit. He tells the secretary (closest brother to him after the
meeting) that he's ready to study, the secretary grabs me and asks if I am willing
(the sec. knows I want to start pioneering). This guy is a recovering heroine addict whose
life is much better now, but still going to methodone clinic. His parents are JW, not
marked, but with children who never took to the JW religion when they grew up.
So, Dad's not an elder anymore because he wants to help his kids- he told the cong. that
he will help his family now.

Now, the one I meet says he is ready to go back home. Dad runs his own business and
and will give him a job, but Dad says he has to study and stop the lifestyle of drugs,
cigarettes, methodone. I actually had good rapport with him. He starts the job with Dad
right away but continues to live on his own in the city, while the job is nearly 2 hours away
on the train, so he rides the train up to 4 hours a day (plenty of time to read) He goes to the
methodone clinic a couple times a week before work, so he's got a full schedule.
My wife and I studied with him for about 4 months. In that time he managed to quit
smoking, cut down his methodone slowly then totally quit that (the clinic was amazed,
most people take years, certainly many months, not weeks to reduce dosages).

His Dad says he can come home now. That means he moved out near his work, no longer
needs that long commute. His parents help him financially more than just a job, so he
can recover his financial disaster of a life without bankruptcy. I turn the study over to
a local elder near his parents' home.

Fast-forward to now. He's paid off his debts, still works for Dad (actually ready to take over
the business) and he's getting married very soon to a "sister" from nearby congregation.
When I met him, he was an artist with much potential. He dabbled in art for a couple of
years after I met him, but gave it up to run the business and be a regular pioneer.

Dad (and Mom) are happy. He might be happy, at least he acts so. He wanted a study, so
somebody would have done it. I hope I didn't do too good a job of indoctrinating him. He was
too busy and too far away for us to have regular association, but we did have dinner from time-
to-time. I would have to say that if I tried to give him "the truth about The Truth," both he and
his dad would have all the JW alarms go off in their heads and turn me in as an apostate.
They are so deep-in now. Should I just be happy for him as his life is cleaned up, dropping a
line every now and then?