What do you tell your kids about you're exit or near to exit WTS ?

by Ancientofdays 17 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

  • ButtLight

    Im so glad I didnt have to go through that, I was df'd at 18, and my kids werent raised as JW's. I would hate to be in that position.

  • ithinkisee

    Considering they are not very young (i.e. under 5) you have your work cut out for you. Chances are their entire social structure is already centered around their JW friends. If not ... then good for you.

    Try not to scream with your wife when you talk about JW stuff.
    I know it's easier said than done. But instead of screaming, try to stick with facts. Get two or three iron clad arguments about why the JWs are liars or whatever and learn those two or three iron clad arguments forwards and backwards. Practice them out loud and practice refuting some of the common "thought-stopping" conversation stoppers she will throw at you. For instance, if you guys talk about 1914 and she starts to say, "But you gotta admit 1914 was a momentous year." tell her that you do acknowledge it was a momentous year, but your beef is not with the significance of the year but why the Society feels the need to lie about the claims they were making back then.

    Not screaming with your wife will also help show YOUR CHILDREN you are not the one being unreasonable, and that all you would like to do is talk about what you feel are very valid reasons. Even point out to her that you are willing to come back (barf!) if you can get answers on certain things. One of the most striking things for me before I wanted to talk with my wife about it was a Judicial Committee meeting with the Townsends on MP3 (it's floating around the internet). I was struck by his calm demeanor, but it didn't diminish the forcefulness of his words.

    Don't plan on this ultimately winning her over, but just reiterate that you would like to stick with facts and not with name-calling. I posted a conversation with my wife a couple years ago regarding 607 that has some decent points in it. You can see it here.

    Some things I learned was:

    • Do not ask a question you do not know the answer to 100%.
    • Discuss in a way that places the burden of proof on the Society, not you.
    • Always remain calm and nonconfrontational.
    • Do not move on to another point until the point you are on is clarified.
    • Stick with one issue at a time ... don't start jumping around to every JW teaching.
    • Try to get the issue down to JWs vs. the Bible .... or JW's vs science ... or whatever .... which will you choose?

    Show your children there are successful happy people outside of the JWs.
    This might involve taking them to visit other families that you might work with or are associated with somehow or getting them involved in sports (see below) . This also may not yield fruit immediately, but when they go to assemblies and hear how awful, lost and confused worldly people are - deep down they will know it is not true.

    Be frank with your children.
    Let them know that you will love them whether they are JWs or not and that you REALLY MEAN IT. BUt .... also let them know that you have found many instances where the Society lies. Yes, use the word "lies". Don't get into a tizzy about it though. In fact, don't even expect them to ask you to show your reasons them at that moment. Just let them know that you have found concrete instances and you felt like you couldn't honestly pretend to believe it when you found those lies. And how it hurt your feelings even more when the elders questioned your faith simply because you wanted to discuss these facts openly. This reinforces your honesty and desire for truth - contrary to what they are being fed at meetings and in their car group.

    Chances are ... as the kids get closer to having to make tough decisions about they path they want to take, they will ask you to show them those lies. Again, learn em forward and backwards for when that day comes so you can have maximum impact.

    Be very frank with them, but not antagonistic. This is not wrong. As you know the Society is not wishy-washy with their attitude towards "worldly" people or people like you that left, so don't think you should be wishy-washy about the Society.

    Get them involved
    Let them know the door is open if they'd like to try something like martial arts, little league, school sports, school clubs, drama, or whatever. Don't feel the need to push them into it, but let them know you would be happy to drive them there and support whatever creative or competitive pursuit they might wish to take up. It might be as simple as asking them, "If you could do ANY sport or take any class, what would it be?"
  • ithinkisee

    Well I guess I killed this thread. :-( -ithinkisee

  • Ancientofdays

    Thanks everibody for excellent comment, suggestion and experiences. I appreciate it.

    Carla, good link : I saved it

    cruzanheart my kids have strong friendship with other JD kids, they're happy to go KH, of course they like to play there after finished !!

    Looking at IthinkIsee , TheListener, nvrgnbk and Candidy comments I’m already performing in a similar way. I think I have to realize it’ a long time project, and I need to stay close to a plan.

    LeslieV , you must have troubled a lot. But rewarded at end.

    InquiryMan , I wish I have my wife on my side, like you. Really , this is my focus. It’s the only way not to puzzle the kids

  • jwfacts

    I first encouraged my 10yo daughter to make friends at school. As she got closer I started asking if she felt it was fair God was soon going to violently kill them. I would ask why these nice children at school were not JWs, and she soon understood that children just follow their parents religion. Over time she realised the Watchtower God is barbaric and evil, not a loving God. She is very grateful not to be a JW and resents being made to go to the meeting by her grandmother.

  • zack

    I am still in and have no kids at home. My wife is still a WTS faithful, yet i really think it's more of a way of life for her, you know, a routine,

    then actually thinking its the "TRUTH." Lots of people figure they need a "religion", why not this one? I am not one of those.

    If I were you, I would just love my children, I would listen to them, I would reassure them of how much they are loved and appreciated by you.

    Spend time with them AWAY from JW activities, take them to a ball game, do NORMAL things with them. Let them see you as you, not as

    the Dad, the Elder.

  • Dismembered

    Greetings ancientofdays,

    After spending some time here, it's obvious that many kids having that cult entrenched in their little minds, later grow up and leave on their own. Just spend time here and you'll see. I raised 3 boys in it and we're all out of it, including my wife. The statistics speak for themselves. As far as kids being raised and then staying it...... well, watchower is in a heap of pig doo doo.


  • ithinkisee

    The other thing you have on your side is access to information (online and other) that most of us over 30 never had. And it has been reported on this site many times that Circuit Overseers have been telling elder bodies that kids are not staying JWs as they grow up.


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