Question for Elders or Ex-Elders re: Marriage

by mya 41 Replies latest social relationships

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  sammielee24

  I realize it is insane to debate WT policy - but just wanted to clarify for mya

  That's the problem. There is no solid policy but instead collective conscience rules. So while the policy might be 'a conscience matter' - the majority rules of the local congregation win. That's why what is one df'ing offense in this Kingdom Hall is not a df'ing offense in another. So if your father has urged you to get married by a JP, then I would guess he understands that he will suffer should he support you. The congregations that I was in would not have enabled me to even attend my daughters wedding if she was marrying an unbeliever because as we were often reminded - we are held to higher standards. sam.
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  mya

  All I can say is wow. I am NOT baptized and the ceremony is NOT being held in a church. This is one of the very reasons why i'm not in the religion today. Just because the person performing the ceremony isn't a JW and is of the clergy they are thought to be a "direct link to satan." No one can judge or say that for sure but God!!!! All I can say is this is the very reason!!!
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  mya

  I guess I just need to prepare myself and accept the fact that he probably won't be attending!
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  Lady Liberty

  Dear Mya,

  WELCOME to the forum!!

  Sincerely,

  Lady Liberty
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  sass_my_frass

  Prior to my being df, my brother (an elder) told me that he wouldn't be able to attend my wedding because he would be a hypocrite to then give a talk about marrying only in the lord. It seems it's up to the individual.
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  Wasanelder Once

  w02 5/15 p. 28 Questions From Readers

  Would

  it be advisable for a true Christian to attend a funeral or a wedding in a church?

  If the occasion involves a close fleshly relative, there may be additional family pressures. In any case, a Christian must carefully weigh all the factors involved. Under certain circumstances he or she may conclude that no difficulties would arise from attending a church funeral or wedding as an observer. However, the circumstances may be such that by attending, the likely injury to one’s own conscience or to that of others would outweigh the possible benefits of being present. Whatever the situation, the Christian should make sure that the decision will not interfere with his preserving a good conscience before God and men.

  As you can see, the conscience is a tricky thing, all are encouraged to have one, but none are allowed to be guided by it.

  If you want the folks present, then ask the hubby if he really gives a crap if its a minister or not? If you and he must have a minister, then just tell your folks to come to the reception.

  W.Once

  edited to fix spacing on title.
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  truthsetsonefree

  Just remember that if it is in a church, which it sounds like it won't be, he WILL be disqualified as an elder. Having a pastor may be the same thing. This is non-negotiable as far as WT is concerned.
  
  tsof
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  BluesBrother

  What I am getting from reading all of the comments is that "according to conscience" is referring to the ELDER bodies conscience. Its not the individual JWs conscience, it is the conscience of the elders that matters.

  Absolutely spot on ....Jwdaughter A friend of mine lost his position as an elder because he attended the wedding of his daughter to a "worldly" man. Another lost his position because he agreed to let his 15 year old daughter have a steady boyfriend .. In my discussion with C/O he admitted that elders have no conscience on "conscience matters", they have to toe the party line and be "examples to the flock" even if it means that their families suffer from a loss of freedom that other dubs enjoy
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  troubled mind

  Mya , I am so glad you have escaped the clutches of this hellhole of a religion . Yet here it is STILL affecting your life, that really sucks .... I hope you come to some sort of compromise that will appease everyone involved . Here is one suggestion : Have an official private ceremony with the minister , then have the ceremony were everyone is invited w/ an official like a Judge ect.... That way you and your husband get what you want plus you have a ceremony your parents can attend . Because I think the only real issue here for your Dad will be the minister . I have done wedding photography for a few years and even other religions come up against this kind of insanity . One girl that is Lutheran was marrying a Catholic . To be approved by the Catholic Church she had to be married in the church by the Priest, then later in the day they had another wedding at her Church for her family and friends ! Absolutely CRAZY . Witnesses take the cake when it comes to crazy though . My baptized son married a girl raised as a witness ,but was an unbaptized publisher . They knew no one would marry them in the hall (nor did my son want to be ) So they choose to be married in Las Vegas !!! Hahaha I loved it ! I was still a witness then and people would come up to me all shocked and repulsed by the idea , and I would go on about how great it was (I am just onery that way ) Of course his Elder grandfather refused to attend , his loss . The woman that officiated was a minister ,I just told everyone she was a justice of the peace ( I'm not above lying for the good of all ). In our hall a pioneer sister had a daughter that was DF"D and marrying a worldly man in a state out west . The Elder she spoke to told her to go to the wedding just don't tell anyone ,and her other witness daughter was the bridesmaid ! The biggest issue he told her was that they were not getting married in a Church and a Justice was offficiating not a minister . Just don't let anyone else know .
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  truthsetsonefree

  Incidentally, the disqualification by virtue of going to a church ceremony was given to us to note in our Flock books about 3-4 years ago. It is their policy.

  tsof