I walked out on the elders..

by sibboleth 27 Replies latest jw friends

  • sibboleth

    Another memorable meeting with Br. SuperFine and Br. Dorkie...

    if you don't know these 2 elders, my previous post explains that SuperFine is a pioneer elder and "ex" child abuser and Br. Dorkie is a latecomer brother who had his engineering degree and reveled in his high brow lifestyle...

    This particular event was a couple of years after I had resigned as an elder. I had been getting the evil eye from the brothers because I had ceased "reaching" out and kissing butt. I also had 2 children who I was going to raise differently from the way I had been. I allowed them to be in musicals and plays at school, I allowed them to play sports and do other things that are complete "no no's"...

    Because of my past "golden boy" status and my family name - I had been given some degree of slack - they didn't pounce on me immediately. However, my attitude had become quite obstinate towards the older men and they felt that I needed some counsel...

    One night after the service sales meeting, Br. Dorkie approached me. Mind you, he rarely ever spoke with the common people of the congregation, so whenever he approached you - you knew something was up. Br. Dorkie says "would you mind chatting with Br. SuperFine and I for a few minutes?" I agreed - and I learned a valuable lesson that night to never agree to a meet without knowing what the topic was.

    We visit with the friends and as everyone is leaving (I had the family ride home with neighbors...) we proceeded to walk the hallway towards the meeting room...

    I sat on one side of the table and SuperFine and Dorkie sat facing me. I knew I was in "trouble" when Dorkie asked SuperFine to say a prayer...

    after the prayer, Dorkie says that they had become aware from the "friends" that I had allowed my son to be in a musical at school and they wanted to know if that was true. (I love how they do that - hear about an issue and plan a formal meeting and then ask if it was true - what if I had said "no" - would they then start making phone calls to provide witnesses?) I said yes, that was true and as a parent I deemed that it was okay. They then did the standard "bad association" speech... blah blah blah...

    The musical was "Grease" and they started on how I could in good conscience allow my son to be part of such a worldly play that condoned premarital sex, smoking and drinking. I then asked them if they saw the movie Grease - SuperFine immediately said "NO"... I call BS on that one... I then said I know several elders and their families that have seen the movie and that if it was ok to go see it, why is it wrong to be in a school production of it.

    Bye the way, my son sang the "hand jive" song and did a great job!!!

    They then spoke about setting good examples for other families and that as a former elder I should know better.

    Next they brought up a musical from the year before that I had my kids participate in - and I asked them why bring that up now? They said it added to the picture - showing a trend that I had of condoning worldly associations.

    By this time, I had had enough. I played the humble publisher part - told them that my wife and I would discuss this and thanked them for their concern.

    It seemed that the meeting was over - and I was ready to bolt and make the drive home and was becoming quite irritated that they wasted my time and how spiritual they thought themselves to be - when SuperFine looks down at his "notes" and said "oh, yes, I almost forgot, one other thing... it seems that your son went to a party after the play was over - we really need to discuss this too" At that point, I stood up and said "you didn't forget, you were just going down your checklist of all the things you wished to discuss with me. I don't feel that you have any right to question a parents decision in these matters and no wrongdoing has occurred. This meeting is over.

    (The party was pizza and sodas with all the participants and their parents and teachers...)

    and I walked out with SuperFine and Dorkie speechless - they could not believe that someone up and walked out on them - they are princes for crying out loud!

    Needless to say, the next time they wanted to meet with me - I asked them for the subject to be discussed in writing so I could prepare beforehand. I told them it was quite unfair to ask a publisher talk with them unprepared - they certainly researched things, made notes and all sorts of preparations - why not allow the recipient of their "counsel" enjoy that same benefit?

    about a year later, my son was on the varsity basketball team and the "word" got around the hall... it was on a Sunday in 2005 that I was scheduled to read the WT, as I walked into the hall - Br. Dorkie quickly came up to me and said that the brothers needed to meet with me to discuss my son playing school sports and that they felt it would not be appropriate for me to read until this matter was resolved.

    I said "ok", got my things, spoke quietly to my wife and children that we were leaving. That was the last time I ever spoke to Dorkie, that was the last time I stepped into that hall. From then on, I started researching JWs, I found this site and have not missed any of the petty man made rules and unloving dicatorial style this cult religion exhibits.

    I left not just because of the issue with my children, but that in conjuntion with many things led up to this moment. The hiding of abuse, the pharasaical rules, the shaky and changing doctrine, the circular logic, the lies - it all made me realize that I needed to "get out of her" I did not want to share in the badness around me. The common publisher has no clue, they are victims and I feel sorry for them. The blame rests on the leadership who lead by fear and threats.

    Needless to say, the rumor around the circuit was that I had yelled at Dorkie and stormed out of the meeting - slamming the door... too funny!

    By the way, both my kids love playing ball, my daughter is captain of her dance team, plays ball, runs track, acts in plays, gets straight A's, is VP of her class and is a normal, healthy, loving, caring, beautiful 14 year old girl.

    My son is now a freshman in college - studying pre-med and is active in campus life. He has grown into a fine young man - who has been allowed to find his own identity and is able to make his own life decisions - based on an honest relationship with his parents - no secrets - no hypocrisy. He is into music, even has a lip ring - which looks funny since he dresses preppy... kids today... they want to love life - they want to experience life - and the kids I have been around are polite, trustworthy and care about people. They are not the wicked, drug abusing, sex crazed cartoons that appear in the WT publications...

    Enough for now, just wanted to share some more about my past... more to come...


  • SirNose586

    What a petty grievance these elders had with you! Let me tell you, it's just really different here in SoCal. I've been in many musicals, in the pit for most of them, but acting in one of them. None of the elders cared. My HS didn't have sports, but for the kids in the hall who played them, I don't think they were given too much grief about that. I'm pretty sure they weren't hassled.

    So very petty...

  • HappyDad

    Thanks for sharing sib...........

    Go back about 10-12 years ago and I could have written much of what you just said. Isn't is great to be out?


  • BabaYaga

    Awesome!!! Hooray, hooray, calloo, callay... and congrats to you and your family!


  • DanTheMan

    Brother Superfine the PO and Brother Dorkie the congo secretary...hmmm...I think we may have attended the same congo!

  • Virgochik

    I was raised in the Great Lakes area, and we were always told things were "loose" (liberal) in California. Dad used to shake his head, saying you couldn't hardly tell those brothers in California were even Witnesses, they got away with so much.

    Fast froward 10 or 12 years, Sibboleth... wouldn't it be funny if some of those Dubs from the Hall turn up at your son's hospital or practice, needing a Doctor's help?

  • loosie

    Wow talk about straining the gnat. Good for you for standing up to them. The next they would have asked is waht was your shild wearing as if that has anythign to do with. Sometimes I could just scream.

    Now Sirnose what part of SoCal are you from?

  • Virgochik

    I apologize for the dbl post. I kept losing my connection & didn't think my post went thru.

  • Bonnie_Clyde

    It is so good to read your posts. Your experiences remind me so much of many things we experienced or know about. I was not as liberal with my kids as you but more liberal than most witnesses and I remember occasionally some raised eyebrows. I did allow them to do a few things at school, take music lessons, and our youngest son went to college and obtained a master's degree. The reason I say "I" and not "we" is that I believe Clyde would have let them do a lot more. I realize now how controlling I was.

    Sounds like you have a wonderul family! Keep up the good work.

  • Mary
    about a year later, my son was on the varsity basketball team and the "word" got around the hall... it was on a Sunday in 2005 that I was scheduled to read the WT, as I walked into the hall - Br. Dorkie quickly came up to me and said that the brothers needed to meet with me to discuss my son playing school sports and that they felt it would not be appropriate for me to read until this matter was resolved.

    You should know better than that Sibboleth! Encouraging your children to develop their talents?! Tsk, tsk, tsk......Obviously you haven't read the counsel provided by the Fartful and Indiscreet Dweeb Class on this:

    ***w 1975 8/15 p. 495 Do Not LetYourself BeSidetracked in the Race for Life*** This old system, too, will soon be out of business, even though it is humming with materialistic pursuits. (Written 32 years ago)


    w 19693/15 p.171 What InfluencesDecisions in YourLife? ** Many schools now have student counselors who encourage one to pursue higher education after high school, to pursue a career with a future in this system of things. Do not be influenced by them. Do not let them "brainwash" you with the Devil’s propaganda to get ahead, to make something of yourself in this world. This world has very little time left! (Written only 38 years ago)

    Awake! 1969 May 22 p.15 If you are a young person, you also need to face the fact that you will never grow old in this present system of things. Why not? Because all the evidence in fulfillment of Bible prophecy indicates that this corrupt system is due to end in a few years. Of the generation that observed the beginning of the 'last days' in 1914, Jesus foretold: 'This generation will by no means pass away until all these things occur.' Therefore, as a young person, you will never fulfill any career that this system offers. If you are in high school and thinking about a college education, it means at least four, perhaps even six or eight more years to graduate into a specialized career. But where will this system of things be by that time? It will be well on the way towards its finish, if not actually gone! (Warning you twice within two months of each other? Hmmmm......maybe some were starting to wonder at that time if The End was actually coming in '75...)

    ***w 1956 5/15 p. 315 Careful Living Helps Avoid Life’s Pitfalls *** God’s approval is upon no part of the old world, and that includes its institutions of learning that promulgate its philosophies. Such ‘wisdom’ adds nothing to the stature of an individual as a minister of Jehovah, because that is not its intended purpose, nor is it designed with this objective. (gosh, this was only written 51 years ago!)

    I'm glad you walked out on the elders. They seem to think that they are Lord and Master over our frigging lives and are shocked when someone doesn't heed their threats counsel. After all, there's absolutely nothing in the bible that says Christians can't play sports or do any acting. Once again, they go far "beyond what is written" and let you know how displeased they are that you aren't following one of the hundreds of man-made rules. Idiots.

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