How to get my kids out

by SaneAgain 18 Replies latest social family

  • SaneAgain
    I've been disfellowshipped for about 5 years and extremely happy to be out. My ex wife is still a regular meeting attender and takes our two young kids with her (8 and 6 years old). I recently saw some of the Caleb and Sophia videos on the website and was completely appalled, i remember what i was taught as a kid growing up in the organization but this seems so much worse and now that I'm out i can plainly see the mind control. It really scared me and made me realize i need to step up my efforts to make sure my kids have the tools to see through the lies they're being told. Growing up i didnt have a choice whether or not to be a witness, so rather then forbid my kids from joining the religion I'd rather teach them how to spot the lies, but i have no idea how to do that. Are there any parents out there that might be able to point me in the right direction to find some resources?
  • FayeDunaway

    I would say, for now, just be a positive, fun, balanced influence on your kids. You must feel such a loss of control over this religion messing with their minds. Let them know they can make their own choice later. Keep it simple of course, but let them know this basic thing. Also, I try to teach my kids about advertising, and how companies are trying to get them to spend their money and how manipulative they are being. Without discussing specifically the religion, teach them these techniques. 'See in this picture how they are trying to make these people look SO happy, so you want to buy what they are selling? Is that realistic?'

    I hope that helps. Also this : Of course set limits, but be the fun parent. When they're with you, do the fun stuff. And Make sure they have friends that aren't witnesses. That's huge.

  • flipper
    SANE AGAIN- Welcome to the board. I would recommend reading Steve Hassan's 3 books on dealing with mind control . His website is The first book " Combatting Cult Mind Control " is good, but the next two books are even better in my opinion called " Releasing the Bonds- Empowering People to Think for Themselves " and " Freedom of Mind - Helping Loved Ones Leave Controlling People, Cults ad Beliefs ". All 3 of these books are excellent, read them and educate yourself about the best tactics to use in gradually getting your kids out of the JW cult. It's a time consuming involved process so be patient. Rome wasn't built in one night. Hang in there
  • SaneAgain

    Thank you Flipper, that's amazing... I ordered Freedom of Mind from amazon this morning :)

    Faye, that sounds like good advice and is exactly what I've tried to do the last few years. But seeing what the GB is releasing to public on really shocked me. they're not pulling any punches and i feel like what i'm doing isn't enough. I almost think i should be teaching them how to recognize mind control.... but they're so young I'm afraid they either won't get it or will just be scared.

  • smiddy

    I take it you and your wife are separated and she has custody of the children ? And you have them for a limited time a few days or so a week ?

    Don`t despair , all you need to do is show them how much fun they can have doing and enjoying what every young child does ,sports ,movies ,parties ,swimming,socializing with children their own age , etc.etc.

    { With normal worldly kids not the brainwashed holier than thou JW kid.}

    All the things a JW frowns on . Living a normal life.

    I guarantee they will not be a JW by the time they are a teen.

    I wish you all the best success in negating any JW tendencies with your children.


  • FayeDunaway

    It's true....I saw my first snippet of a Caleb video yesterday and could hardly believe it. Sick.

    Say simple things about extremism, like 'some people want to be different than other people and they point at something other people are doing and say you can't do that. You can make them happy and not do it for now, but when you are older you can decide what you want to do, and do what makes YOU happy.' Yeah don't say 'mind control' until they have the ability to think abstract thoughts, starting at 13 or so.

  • Vidiot
    Be a better parent than JW parents.
  • DisArmed


    Welcome. Different approaches work for different parents. My two children were considerably older than yours when I left Wally World but this is what worked for me. I did not try to persuade them as I knew their mother and other JWs would paint me as Satan trying to mislead them. I also knew that no decision is more meaningful than one that comes from ones own conclusions. So I was patient. As I was leaving the organization and after I was completely out I always answered any questions they might have but tried not to talk them into anything. It took some time but as they saw my life blossom and improve considerably, education, career, travel, relationships, overall disposition, etc., they began to see the light. There were some tough times and struggles but I am happy to say they are both out and thriving. The decision they made to come out is their own and it is solid. I could not have a more wonderful relationship with both of them. We are all happy to be out!

  • Billy the Ex-Bethelite
    Billy the Ex-Bethelite


    How much time do you get to spend with the kids? Do you have non-JW relatives?

    I'm not a parent, but I was an elder enough to see how these things can go sometimes. My first suggestion would be to get to know what's going on with the kids. Help them to feel really comfortable and relaxed around you.

    They're probably getting programmed to be uptight and defensive around you, their dfd dad. And they're too young to effectively become independent... when they get to their teens, that will come out! Make sure they understand that you love them and will listen to whatever is in their hearts.

    As I remember growing up in WTland, I got plenty of lecturing on what to say, think, and do from my parents and all the KH sheeples. I didn't need someone to ramp up the internal conflict of proJW/antiJW rhetoric. I needed an adult that really listened and cared about me... without all the WT crap.

    While they're young, it can be hard to listen to and understand their thoughts as kids, but it sets the groundwork for a solid future relationship.

    But that's just the opinion of an exJW ex-elder.

  • rebel8

    1. Focus on critical thinking skills.

    Here's some books that sound good. I've never had a chance to read them.

    If they start talking about the teachings, couch them as things "some people believe" and that beliefs are choices. Ask them if they know what other people believe and discuss. How would we know which god is real, jehoopla or Thor? They are equally as plausible and have the same amount of evidence.

    Maybe you could have informal little conversations ready to use when you have an opportunity. For example, there is ample evidence no global flood ever took place, there was no such thing as the water canopy, etc. (Probably one of the jw teachings most easy to disprove.) Discuss all the flood myths that predate the bible.

    2. Show them how to be a good person outside the borg. Take them to volunteering events, etc.

    3. Show them you can have good, wholesome fun outside the borg.

    4. Read the bible together. Read a very small snippet and let them discuss it openly. The bible is a totally evil book and has a lot of mistakes a creator wouldn't say about his creation (bats are birds, Earth is a circle). Stimulate and permit open examination of these things. Gawd sent His Super Special People into battle several times knowing they'd all die. Why would he bother wiping out the population with a flood himself and later not be in the mood for swimming, so he needs people to engage in combat for him? Why did he say to dash babies against rocks?

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