Quick Birthday Question...

by esw1966 14 Replies latest jw experiences

  • esw1966

    So, it was my daughter's birthday on the 2nd of February.

    She is being raised jw and I sent her an email birthday card.

    I get this note as a response: (mind you, it MAY be from her mother)

    Hey dad,

    I'm sorry I havent written you. so how have you been? I'm fine. wednesday when you called it got to late so i went to bed. I have been so busy that i just haven't got the time to do anything. Even being with my friends. So right now im at my moms work. It's a spa. it's fun. So talk to you later.you know i dont do birthdays,so y did u send a birthday card to me.that wasnt very cool.

    I just got off the phone with her and NOW she is asking why I didn't send a BIRTHDAY CARD, (a REAL one). I asked her why she wanted a real Birthday Card. She said that I could send MONEY in it.

    Now I see....

    I feel that they bend the rules all the time for THIER advantage.

    I don't like being USED. I feel they will bleed me to death of all they can and then in the end they will shun me forever when they get married as jws.

    Do I send her a belated birthday card with cash? I told her it would be a Birthday Present. She is trying to save some money for something and that is pretty much the only reason she is asking for it.

    Not sure how to follow through on this one. Not a big deal I guess. But it doesn't add up to me. Seems VERY shallow and I get hurt in the end one day when they have used me.

    Do people ASK why you didn't send money? When they do, do you send it, even when it is against their THEOLOGY?

    Why would I get a letter scolding me for sending a birthday email and then get asked for MONEY as a birthday present? Seems pretty shallow to me, but she is 12....

    What would a GOOD parent do??????

  • Honesty

    I get the same response and just take the high road send a nice card with money and pray the one day he'll wake up.

  • loosie

    My response would be to ask her what she is saving up the $$ for and come up some job she can do for you around the house or something and pay her for it depending on how much $$ she needs.

    That way she can learn the value of $$

  • OnTheWayOut

    My opinion. Call her on it, make her think about her religious stand.

    "So, I understand how JW's don't celebrate birthdays. Do you or
    don't you celebrate yours? ........ Do you specifically want a present
    from me for your birthday, or not?"

  • bebu

    Sheesh, is she a JW or not?

    I would be tempted to send her US govt savings bonds, and make her wait on her dear gov't! Or a certificate showing a contribution for a college education.

    Send a cute little snoopy doll too, so she can't say you didn't give her anything... Or maybe a Starbux card for coffee. That fits nicely into a card ya know.


  • snickers

    Hi -

    I'm new to this site but had an idea of what your daughter is going through. I was raised as a jw with my Mom & step-Dad, while my Dad was not. He basically gave up on holidays and now after all this time I sure with that he hadn't. Your daughter sounds like she's learning the ropes about how to live the "double-life". If her Mother monitors her email the way I monitor my 12 yo daughter's email - she has to reply exactly the right way so as not to get in trouble. But - she feels free enough to confide in you that she really does want a birthday present. These next few years as she turns into a teenager are going to be crucial for her learning the REAL "truth" - and she'll know that you were always there for her on the outside. Make sure she knows it's an actual birthday present - and give her a gift certificate to Old Navy or Abercrombie (my daughter loves that store and most JW's don't). My daughter loves heading to the Mall with a gift card - she thinks she's shopping (charging) like an adult. I wouldn't hand out cash - it's pretty impersonal and it wouldn't mean as much. Good luck with your decision.

    Incidentally, I noticed that you're from Seattle. We're neighbors from T-Town!

  • onlycurious

    I agree with On the Way Out. Call her on what it is that she believes. Make her think for herself and make the sacrifice of what it is that she really wants vs. what she believes if she says she doesn't celebrate. Then she won't be getting a gift. A 12 yr old is old enough to feel the effect of not getting any cash. She already knows what she is going to spend it on if she is anything like my 12 yr old daughter.

    Make her verbally tell you....not through email.

  • Pioneer Spit...oh, i mean Spirit
    Pioneer Spit...oh, i mean Spirit

    Ew! Sorry man, now THAT's not cool, asking for money! I'd put any cash in a college fund, that way she can't donate it to the whirledwhy'd verk.

    Seriously, all you can do is reinforce to her what love means, that you'll love her no matter how you're treated.

    Take care,


  • penny2

    She sent a letter from her mum's workplace. Was it in her handwriting? Why would she send a letter when she can send an email? Sounds like it wasn't her idea.


  • Mystla

    I agree with Snickers (Welcome!!) She may have sent the email under motherly influence. Don't write her off yet as far as birthdays are concerned. She is trying to figure out what she really wants and which direction she wants to go. Just do what your heart tells you is right and when the time comes and she is ready to reject the religion.. you will be there to support her, which will make it much easier on her.

    I know it's frustrating but try to remember how unclear life was to you at that age. Nothing makes sense and all your feelings are contradictory when you are 12 (at least for girls.. I can't speak for the boys )


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