Taking the p*** out of Aussies

by winnie 10 Replies latest social humour

  • winnie

    My husband (english) loves this one.

    A member of the Barmy Army, sick of sitting through match after match of cricket with England Losing, goes to the doctors and says

    "Doctor, I'm sick of being english. I want to become a Kiwi. What do I have to do?"

    Doctor: "Easy. Just a simple operation. We put you under and take out half your Brain."

    Englishman: "Ok, lets do it."

    After operation, doctor visits the englisman in his recovery room.

    Doctor: "I'm really sorry, but I have some bad news for you. We didn't remove half your brain, we accidently removed all of it."

    Englishman: "No worries mate!"

  • Crumpet

    Phew yeah we just have all these kangaroos hopping down the street all the night and day ,and that's just in the big cities.

    Oh and all men carry knives ,and you can get pretty sick of hearing them say "Now that's a knife!"

    And there always jumping on the backs of their neighbours pet crocs in their bloody shorts and wrestling them.

    Theres no gays, there all imported for the MardiGras in Sydney for all the mens wives who all go "struth" at the spectacle

    please stop me.........

    I think aussies are really good at taking the piss out of us brits actually!

  • wozadummy

    Aw come on Yanks ....the last line......get it?........aussie right ?.........flamin heck I don't think they've got it yet!

    Or perhaps the're just PC not uncouth like us.

  • pobthespazz

    What the difference between Australia and a yogurt?

    If you leave it long enough it develops a culture.....

  • winnie

    maybe rearranged the joke

    a catholic is tired of going to mass and decides he wants to be a budist

    goes to doctor easy operation remove half your brain then you will be a budist

    has operation but doctor tells patient they have made a terrible mistake and removed all his brain

    patient replys can i interest you in our watchtower or awake magazines maybe a home bible study.

  • penny2

    that's funny!

  • helncon

    Thought you all might like this one!! ( even though im an aussie i had a great laugh) Being Australian is about driving in a German car to an Irish pub for a Belgian beer, then travelling home, grabbing an Indian curry or a Turkish Kebab on the way, to sit on Swedish furniture and watch American shows on a Japanese TV. Oh and...... Only in Australia ... Can a pizza get to your house > >>Faster Than an ambulance. Only in Australia ... Do supermarkets make sick people walk all the Way to The back of the shop to get their prescriptions while healthy People can Buy cigarettes at the front. Only in Australia ... Do people order double cheeseburgers, largeFries and A DIET coke. Only in Australia ... Do banks leave both doors open and chain the Pens to The counters Only in Australia .... Do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars on the Drive and lock our junk and cheap lawn mower in the garage. Only in Australia ... Do we use answering machines to screen calls and then Have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to Talk to in the first place. > >> > >> Only in Australia ... Are there disabled parking places in front of a Skating rink. NOT TO MENTION...3 Aussies die each year testing if a 9v battery works on Their tongue. 142 Aussies were injured in 1999 by not removing all pins from new >shirts. 58 Aussies are injured each year by using sharp knives instead of Screwdrivers. 31 Aussies have died since 1996 by watering their Christmas tree while the Fairy lights were plugged in. 8 Aussies had serious burns in 2000 trying on a new jumper with a lit Cigarette in their mouth. A massive 543 Aussies were admitted to Emergency in the last two years After opening bottles of beer with their teeth. And finally.... In 2000 eight Aussies cracked their skull whilst throwing Up into the toilet

  • stillajwexelder

    But Australia makes the best wine in the world at the moment

  • Stealth453


  • PopeOfEruke

    What's an Australian poofter? Someone who likes women more than beer.

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