I was brought up around the "truth" as a child. My parents studied some then later after they were divorced, we (mom, sis and I) moved in with my grandparents, who were inactive witnesses. Though inactive, they still touted all the WTS lingo and doctrine. School was NOT fun. I DID manage to get into Speech and Debate stuff and a play in the 10th grade. I decided the JW's were right and so after HS I worked instead of going to College to pursue a dream of acting or teaching. My family life was horrible. My mom had depression, and still does. She would throw dishes at me because they weren't cleaned JUST RIGHT. Had my head banged into a wall numerous times and would have to endure night after night of rubbing her feet because it made her feel good. I remember sitting on the floor beside her bed rubbing and rubbing wishing something bad would happen to her. When I was old enough to work, of course she couldn't hold down a job so it was my "scriptural" duty to assist with household expenses...meaning my WHOLE paycheck would go to her. My sister left me there...and I hated her at first for it, but later realized I too, should have left. When I was of the age to date, of course that means you have to be thinking about marriage, my mom hated the idea. She was afraid I was going to move far away and she wouldn't see me. Wonder what would give her that idea? (That's just what I did too) I met a JW Pioneer and of course, those of you who've endured JW dating rituals know exactly what I'm talking about..don't touch, don't sit together..for God's sake don't Kiss!! We married, at the time for me more so I could get away from home and I was a regular 20 year old man with hormones. By this time I had become a Ministerial Servant and was being used in the Cong. The wife went off the Pio list because we needed money...imagine that! I started working retail and eventually moved to Management. We also had two kids sometime in there. When I was transferred to MN, I was called three months later and told over the phone I wouldn't be recommended as a MS to the new congregation....thanks alot! That was my start downhill. I started studying less and less and of course, the rest of it dropped off. I became inactive and we moved back to KS. I got a rare blood disease(now dormant) and a kidney disease from the blood one. I decided to follow in my dad's steps and become a cop. That went over like a lead balloon. Of course, the immediate shunning as "bad association" started. We moved closer to my job when I went full time at the PD. The local elders were sincere and "thought" they were doing the right thing. So...after being there two years, they and my wife convinced me I should leave my job and I could be a MS again...or so they said. I left and it was the worst two years of my life(I went back to police work in '05). We continually struggled and all we got was "Satan's doing it to you because you're making God happy". We moved again when my father in law died into the house to help her mom. That was another BIG mistake. I ended up totally disliking...almost hating her...to this day. I went back to being a full time cop and then it really started going downhill. The WTS came out with a Questions From Readers article in December '05 about armed employment. Basically, they said anyone who rejects counsel from the elders and stays in armed employment was no longer considered "irreprehensible". Obviously, I looked that word up and the opposite meaning as well. I became very inactive and critical. That started my search for the truth about the WTS. I bought a book by Ray Franz. Mother in law found out and was SO distraught. How could I bring apostate literature into the house? I later D/A myself. Then, the wife and I talked and she wanted to continue with me being married. We had agreed I could have my non-jw friends over at the house. Her mom went through the roof. "He's not having any WORLDY people in THIS house!" That kicked it for me with her mom. We paid MOST of the bills, mortgage, etc. That's when she came into our room one night. She "let me have it" in her JW way. I was killing my family and brought "demons" into the house by that book by Ray Franz. She said she could "feel the demons" in the house. She told my wife that she was being blinded by me and I had her running wild just to keep me happy. She told her right there in front of me that I was going to eventually leave her anyway...without saying it she was telling her to leave me or have me leave. Then she said we had to leave because she just couldn't continue to put up with apostasy in her house and "that book" bringing in the demons. After that...alot of pressure was brought to bear on me. I went to the elders and wrote a 3 page "I'm Sorry" letter. (My D/A letter was 6 pages long and CC'd to the Gov Bod). We moved out and I continued my research. I only went to two meetings after we moved out. On Jan 28, 2007, I sent the elders an email saying I was OUT..I didn't need to be called on, shepherded or anything of the sort. My problem now is how to get the family out of the WTS. My dad and former step mom were amazed at my new feelings and that I actually acknowledged the WTS as a Cult. They never were JW's and tried to tell me for years. My wife and kids are now the focus. She insists that I DO NOT try to teach her or them anything contrary to WTS teachings. And yet, if you love or care for someone, how could you NOT try to get them out of the Cult? I am deeply concerned and truthfully feel it will culminate in divorce; as I cannot in good faith NOT share my feelings and my findings with my wife and kids. According to the WTS, I would bring them into spiritual despair, or spiritual danger by my apostasizing. SO...now what....that's where I'm at currently at of January 2007.
My Personal Experiences thus far
by Ken O 15 Replies latest jw experiences
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RAF
... you'll find ways, now or later (this religion is a mess and at some point people got enough) you may have more chance with the kids if you can keep them aware (not against - just giving hints from time to time)
also being apostate have nothing to do with not listening to the JW doctrine (totally screwed doctrine BTW - they are the apostates/anti-Christ in facts regarding what the bible is saying and it's not very hard to prove) - Check the best of on this site you'll find materiel to spread hints.
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truthsearcher
Ken: Welcome to JWD.
Thanks for sharing your story. You have been through many ups and downs, and there will probably be more to come, but you will find willing ears and sympathetic friends here. Many have gone through similar things and will give you suggestions to help with your search. How do you feel about the Bible, Christianity in general?
TS
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love2Bworldly
Sounds like a difficult situation. If you want to stay with your wife, though you will need to lay low. There's a lot of people on this board who can give better advice than me, who left the JWs and are still with their JW mates. I wish you the best of luck in your situation
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nonamegiven
I fully expect to be in a similar boat soon. I'm DF'd and getting ready for reinstatment so I can fade. My wife is very devoted so I must bite my tounge. I would say this: keep your ears OPEN. She will slip and say something, maybe something little to express doubts or disagreement with the org. Then you can make one or two LITTLE statments to help her along. It's like making a little chip in a huge dam. Once a little water starts to flow, it aint' gonna stop by itself.
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Junction-Guy
Welcome to the board Ken, it's good to see other LEO types around here. Im a Corrections Officer myself, born and raised a JW, left many years ago. I have told just about everyone on my shift that JW's are a destructive cult. You know the whole time I was a JW, I never knew of a JW cop, I had known of several who had quit once they got baptized. I also have come across quite a few JW youth in jail, many for armed robbery and theft. I look forward to reading more of your posts. Dave
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sspo
Welcome to the board Ken
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reneeisorym
I do wish the best for you. I am afraid that I couldn't keep my mouth shut to the kids. They are just as much yours as they are hers. I don't even have kids so I am certainly not giving you advice. I just know that I have a big mouth there is no way I could keep from talking to them about the cult.
Someone else asked how you feel about the Bible and Christianity. It will make a big difference on how you handle the situation.
I do hope the best for you. I know it must be hard. I was a 5th generation witness and I have 36 family members still in. I miss them very much. I know you must hate this religion coming between your relationship with your wife. I know most of us know how that feels.
Keep in touch.
Renee
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freedomloverr
what a story Ken O! thanks for sharing....
I don't know how much good my thoughts will be but I'll share them with you. I left the wts after my hubby took the time to help me see the light. His story and threads are under the user name ithinkisee. It was a LONG, HARD road for him. It only took me researching the subject of 607 to see the lies and everything came crashing down. It was terrifying to me. My advice to you is to reassure your love to your wife and kids. Become the best dad and husband you ever could be. Help her out, rub her back, take over with the kids, offer to cook dinner, etc. Those things on my husbands part helped tremendously as far as my willingness to listen to him and his concerns about the org.
I know some people will tell you to make sure you want to continue this relationship before you invest time into helping her out - but I don't think that's something you can do at this point. My husband and I were literally at the breaking point when he mentally checked out of the org. and it's been a long tough ride up until now rebuilding our life together. I've found though that where we were in our relationship at that point is not what we had the potential to be - which is awesome now. I think the fact that your wife was willing to honor your choice of friends even if she didn't agree with it shows there is some reasonableness on her part.
there are so many people here in your situation - lots of sympathetic ears.
keep us up to date on what happens with her and your family....
I wish you success.
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AuntieJane
Welcome! I hope you will stay around here for a long time. You will find lots of support. I am not a JW, never was, but have family members in and other reasons that I came here. I would say to settle down, don't push your new freedom thinking at your wife. Show your wife how much you love her, focus on her and your kids. Love bomb your family like the JW's do...and mean it. If you have faith in God still, and I mean a true faith not the JW, buy a simple little Bible story book and read to your kids. Just an evening bedtime little short story. Invite your wife to sit with you. If she gets upset, remind her that you are the head of the household and you are just sharing Bible stories with the kids. The kids will feel the true love; you have to be strong and not get stressed over your situation.
Does your wife have sisters/brothers who are not in? Does she communicate with them? It would be great if there are other family members you can be around together.
sign your kids up for any events that you can to take them away from those meetings!
I have been amazed at the people on this board, just like you, whose spouses eventually came around. But please, be patient. and try to stay away from that nut case mother in law!
AuntieJane