I was brought up around the "truth" as a child. My parents studied some then later after they were divorced, we (mom, sis and I) moved in with my grandparents, who were inactive witnesses. Though inactive, they still touted all the WTS lingo and doctrine. School was NOT fun. I DID manage to get into Speech and Debate stuff and a play in the 10th grade. I decided the JW's were right and so after HS I worked instead of going to College to pursue a dream of acting or teaching. My family life was horrible. My mom had depression, and still does. She would throw dishes at me because they weren't cleaned JUST RIGHT. Had my head banged into a wall numerous times and would have to endure night after night of rubbing her feet because it made her feel good. I remember sitting on the floor beside her bed rubbing and rubbing wishing something bad would happen to her. </td></div> When I was old enough to work, of course she couldn't hold down a job so it was my "scriptural" duty to assist with household expenses...meaning my WHOLE paycheck would go to her. My sister left me there...and I hated her at first for it, but later realized I too, should have left. When I was of the age to date, of course that means you have to be thinking about marriage, my mom hated the idea. She was afraid I was going to move far away and she wouldn't see me. Wonder what would give her that idea? (That's just what I did too)</div> I met a JW Pioneer and of course, those of you who've endured JW dating rituals know exactly what I'm talking about..don't touch, don't sit together..for God's sake don't Kiss!! We married, at the time for me more so I could get away from home and I was a regular 20 year old man with hormones. By this time I had become a Ministerial Servant and was being used in the Cong. The wife went off the Pio list because we needed money...imagine that! I started working retail and eventually moved to Management. We also had two kids sometime in there. When I was transferred to MN, I was called three months later and told over the phone I wouldn't be recommended as a MS to the new congregation....thanks alot! That was my start downhill. I started studying less and less and of course, the rest of it dropped off. I became inactive and we moved back to KS. I got a rare blood disease(now dormant) and a kidney disease from the blood one. I decided to follow in my dad's steps and become a cop. That went over like a lead balloon. Of course, the immediate shunning as "bad association" started. We moved closer to my job when I went full time at the PD. The local elders were sincere and "thought" they were doing the right thing. So...after being there two years, they and my wife convinced me I should leave my job and I could be a MS again...or so they said. I left and it was the worst two years of my life(I went back to police work in '05). We continually struggled and all we got was "Satan's doing it to you because you're making God happy". We moved again when my father in law died into the house to help her mom. That was another BIG mistake. I ended up totally disliking...almost hating her...to this day. I went back to being a full time cop and then it really started going downhill. The WTS came out with a Questions From Readers article in December '05 about armed employment. Basically, they said anyone who rejects counsel from the elders and stays in armed employment was no longer considered "irreprehensible". Obviously, I looked that word up and the opposite meaning as well. I became very inactive and critical. That started my search for the truth about the WTS. I bought a book by Ray Franz. Mother in law found out and was SO distraught. How could I bring apostate literature into the house? I later D/A myself. Then, the wife and I talked and she wanted to continue with me being married. We had agreed I could have my non-jw friends over at the house. Her mom went through the roof. "He's not having any WORLDY people in THIS house!" That kicked it for me with her mom. We paid MOST of the bills, mortgage, etc. That's when she came into our room one night. She "let me have it" in her JW way. I was killing my family and brought "demons" into the house by that book by Ray Franz. She said she could "feel the demons" in the house. She told my wife that she was being blinded by me and I had her running wild just to keep me happy. She told her right there in front of me that I was going to eventually leave her anyway...without saying it she was telling her to leave me or have me leave. Then she said we had to leave because she just couldn't continue to put up with apostasy in her house and "that book" bringing in the demons. After that...alot of pressure was brought to bear on me. I went to the elders and wrote a 3 page "I'm Sorry" letter. (My D/A letter was 6 pages long and CC'd to the Gov Bod). We moved out and I continued my research. I only went to two meetings after we moved out. On Jan 28, 2007, I sent the elders an email saying I was OUT..I didn't need to be called on, shepherded or anything of the sort. My problem now is how to get the family out of the WTS. My dad and former step mom were amazed at my new feelings and that I actually acknowledged the WTS as a Cult. They never were JW's and tried to tell me for years. My wife and kids are now the focus. She insists that I DO NOT try to teach her or them anything contrary to WTS teachings. And yet, if you love or care for someone, how could you NOT try to get them out of the Cult? I am deeply concerned and truthfully feel it will culminate in divorce; as I cannot in good faith NOT share my feelings and my findings with my wife and kids. According to the WTS, I would bring them into spiritual despair, or spiritual danger by my apostasizing. SO...now what....that's where I'm at currently at of January 2007.