Grandma's in the Hospital- Help on a "JW in the family" problem

by OnTheWayOut 21 Replies latest jw friends

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  OnTheWayOut

  Its weird that he didn't leave contact information with is old congregation. They haven't forwarded his records, even though he was an elder and its been six months? Very strange.

  His records are forwarded. THEY know where he is, the elder I spoke to knows the city only. He is not the sec.
  and he doesn't know the home address or the cong. they went to. I am sure that others know, but as the one I
  got to speak with doesn't know, I don't know. If I press for information, then they would want to know who I am.
  I really got free information the first time I contacted the PO years ago, and I got free information now from another
  elder. This elder says that he will pass on my information and try to get a home phone number for me. Since I
  wasn't pushy, perhaps he will get a cong. also, but I doubt it. Even if I had the current cong., I am not sure that I
  should bother to do anything but let him live with his decisions.
• 

  looking_glass

  When my dad was sick and dying of lung cancer, we tried to find my much older brother. The minute he turned 18 he left and never turned back. All I can say is that some people have their reasons for leaving. It may never make sense to you, but it makes sense to them. Yes, I reached my brother the day before my dad died and my brother told me that he would not be coming in for his own father's funeral. I asked him if he wanted some of dad's jewelry. He said "yes". Initially I was mad over this, but then I realized that we each have our own reasons for acting the way we do. And yes, I sent him dad's jewelry.

  It was not til 5 years ago that I finally started to have a relationship w/ him. He hated his childhood. He hated so many things from his youth. He was very young and angry for a long time. I do not fault him for what he did or did not do. My only hope is that he does not one day look back an regret his choices. But that is for him to live through.

  You can ask all the "whys" you want, some times even with the answers you will never get resolution. You may want to ask yourself what your goal is and if it is reachable. If your goal is to get your family member to man-up and take responsibility, this may never happen and that may cause you even more stress.

  Whatever you decided to do, I wish you luck. Let me assure you, as the sister of this much older brother, he still does not make sense to me and I have tried to figure out his motivations in life.
• 

  OnTheWayOut

  This was the most helpful post of all, thanks looking_glass

  some people have their reasons for leaving. It may never make sense to you, but it makes sense to them.

  If your goal is to get your family member to man-up and take responsibility, this may never happen
  and that may cause you even more stress.

  Yes, I don't really care if he is an elder in the Chicken Little Cult. They deserve him.

  My goal would be to get him to man-up and take responsibility, and I KNOW this
  will never happen. Have a nice life uncle. I will try to find you again when my mother
  (your sister) passes away. I won't bother until then.
• 

  OnTheWayOut

  Follow up- this is getting stranger

  Okay, the elder in the old cong. says he couldn't get my uncle's phone number.
  He has one person in that old cong. who knows how to get hold of my uncle and
  this elder is unable to get hold of him. NEXT- he gives me the PO phone number
  in the new cong. and then the elder makes me promise not to tell my uncle that
  he helped me find him- say I called the kingdom hall, but don't mention him by name.

  The PO in the new cong. lets the answering machine take my message, then calls
  right back 5 minutes later saying he has left a message with my cousin, the son.
  He says he will pass on my phone number and the hospital number. I tell him
  I hope for some urgency on the matter, because his mother is still able to speak on
  the phone, even though she's in intensive care. I don't want him receiving an old
  message, if he can still call his mother now. The PO said he understood, and would
  recall the cousin explaining that. Even though I didn't ask- he went out of his way to
  say, "I can't give you his number." I fully understand that. It's just strange that the
  whole lot of people who know him, know that something is wrong with him.

  The elder from the old cong. said "I hope he and the family find their happiness."
  The PO in the new cong. apparently can't even reach the uncle and gets screened
  thru his son. Possibly, that's just a circumstance today, but it felt like a regular
  thing. I definitely wasn't getting any info from this guy.
• 

  Paisley

  Well you have certainly done your best to find this person, I assume for the sake of the dying mother, so that's undoubtedly commendable.

  One has to wonder why someone would so urgently try to track someone down who doesn't want to be found. Seems a little controlling to me; it is his business, after all.
• 

  OnTheWayOut

  And now- the big news on this story. My uncle just called his mother.
  He gave my mother his phone number. Miracle of miracles.

  He said someone in Texas was trying to tell him his mother was
  in the hospital. I will find out tomorrow if she was happy to
  talk to her son (I am sure she was).
• 

  uwishufish

  Maby he's in the "witness protection program".
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  evetteto

  HALLELUJAH!!!! I was going to tell you to Pray, ask God to help you reach him....I mean I'm sitting here crying.. Me being a family person, I cldnt handle this story, and after losing my mom in october, I was getting angry with your uncle, but hearing and seeing all the emotional stress the wts cause the members to go thru, I hv great sympathy for him, wife and son. I cant even imagine his thoughts. We can never know what someone else goes thru til we walk in his shoes and that is an imposibility.

  Boy, I tell the Lord all the time he made me too sensitive...but im glad things seem to be going ok.

  Evette

  P.S. YOU ARE A GOOD SON!!!!!
• 

  penny2

  Hi OTWO, glad your efforts were rewarded. Sounds to me like your uncle might be ill - caused by stress from being a JW.

  penny2
• 

  JWdaughter

  I am happy for Grandma that the son called her. Because all us parents know that no matter what our kids do or say-we love them. There is some closure here, and thats a good thing. I wonder if the son will contact any of his JW family now that his parents are gone. So many mysteries in life that must remain unsolved. I think that is why folks gossip-we want to know what is happening and what the motivations are. I hope grandma gets some good last days.