CALL THE POLICE PLEASE! dont allow your husband to kill your child.
I need to get my husband some help...
by mrsjones5 39 Replies latest jw friends
-
-
mrsjones5
I just got home and am still reading through the replies:
Do you know if this is how Mr Jones' father handled his "messing up" when he was the same age as your son? He may need to learn a different way of handling himself if that is how he was treated by his own dad.
My husband didn't have a father in the home. He was raised solely by his mother. His mother is the one who abused him terribly (how about getting whoopins with a fiberglass engine belt) it was so bad that he left home at 15 under threat of death from his mother (big fight, mother tries to drown son in tub, grandma jumps in and tell son to run, son runs out house only in underwear and hides out in a park, mother calls brother who's a cop to look for son, son knows if mother finds him she is going to kill him - literally so son never comes back) and that awful anger comes up in him especially when he's dealing with our oldest boy.
Gill, don't worry I will call the cops if it comes down to that. Don't get me wrong, I got in the middle of it this morning and got my husband to stop. But his angry is not gone only tempered right now. He's not a bad man, he's a sweet guy kinda nerdy and goofy, it just that mean temper when he's channelling his mother that has to go. His bad health which is affecting his ability to work and provide for us is stressing him out and one of his triggers to get angry is the kids, mostly my oldest boy. I don't want it to get to the point of the cops coming. I want to forstall that.
My husband kept telling me that I was in the way and that he had to teach the boy how to be a man but the way he's doing it ain't working and I told him so. I told him you need to find another way and stop letting the awful anger get in the way, touch him again that way and I'm calling the cops.
We're still talking. When the husband is calm I can talk to him. I can't change him, he had to do it himself, but I can suggest that he talk to the pastor who he likes, which I did. He's listening. It's a start.
I also talked to my son. He's ok. I think some family counseling might be good too.
Josie
-
mrsjones5
I would go to him, away from the kids, and as loving as I know you are (and feisty too, when need be), convey to him how you are feeling and what you are thinking in lines of a mother who protects their children from ANYONE that disturbs their well being, in every way. Point blank tell him all you have been observing as far as his temper. That you do see it escalating. And soon, others will too! The last thing you need or want is someone outside calling the police. That won't look good for you hon.
Thanks hon,
We've been talking ever since we got home. I reminded him what he told me when the oldest was a babe, how he didn't want to spank cuz he feared he would just lose it. Been talking about his mother and how she was with him as a child. I asked him to join a men's group at church with his fav pastor and he's thinking about it - told me not to push him. He said that at one point he thought I was going to hit him ( I was punching my hand) and he said half jokingly that it scared him - yeah right. So, things are calm right now but I'm not letting this go. I got to get help for my boy and the family.
-
Mary
Josie, you husband might have a chemical imbalance that has resulted in low seretonin levels which can cause fits of rage. You may want to get him to a doctor to see if he needs anti-depressants:
http://chronicle.augusta.com/stories/121697/tech_prozac.shtml
-
owenfieldreams
Josie,
Anyway you look at it, it's evident that your husband has serious issues that need to be addressed, anger management being one of them. Whether it's due to his upbringing or not, responsible, mature adults learn to overcome these kinds of problems and do not repeatedly go off into fits of rage against other people. Discreetly encourage him to recognize that he has a problem and get help with it, or remove yourself and your child from the situation, it's as plain as that. No one should have to put with what you described.
-
sf
Jonesy,
I'm glad he is at least listening a bit. Give him a big thumbs up for me and tell him turley says to keep those early precious memories of ALL his kids, close to his heart. He doesn't really want to treat him this way. There is a lot of baggage he, in time, must unload, safely. I hope the pastor works for him.
{{{{{{{{{{{{ hugs to ALL }}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
sKally
-
Frannie Banannie
WOWOWOW!!!
Every one of yall are totally awesome! What terrific wisdom and comforting words you provide to those who are in need!!
((((((Mrs Jones))))) Nothing more to add to what's already been said here. Except.....good luck!
Frannie
-
mrsjones5
I agree with Frannie, you all have been great, even the ones who are saying to throw the hubby in the slammer, shows you care.
I just sent an email to the pastor, he's a good guy and hubby is really fond of him so I hope this goes well. One of hubby's greatest fear was that he would be just like his mother and now that we're here I don't think he knows quite what to do or how to get out of it. He's stuck in that "What didn't kill me won't kill them cycle" and it's not working for any of us. If he can't handle the first one, it's only get worst with the second, third, and fourth one. The cycle has to be broken now.
Josie
-
sammielee24
((Josie)) It sounds like things are under control and at least you two are communicating. His trust and faith in his pastor will go a long way into getting him into that support group and like you, I believe that family counselling is a good thing. I can relate to your husbands experiences as a child entirely - his going off on the boy will cause your son to (without interference now) most likely have his own anger or self esteem issues later. Remind your husband of this and depending on your sons age, there might also be an all male youth group available to him or something just as effective. Good luck and stay strong..sammieswife.
-
RAF
(((Mrs Jones)))
Take care
just wanted to add that you seems to be stronger than you think !!!