Hi Bernadette
Can't seem to see if you mentioned you have children of your own?
When I had my first child (nine years ago) I was still of the mind that spanking was necessary - although not of a baby!! However, I did implement a few smacks starting around the age of 2. Fortunately my first child was a very 'good' child anyway. My second was much more difficult and I did smack her more (but still not until about 2yo), even though by that stage I believed less in smacking. And I was a very good, creative, intelligent mother. However, I also wasn't coping well with sleepless nights and ill health, so I did resort to smacking. Fortunately it didn't take long before I realised that smacking actually made my daughters behaviour worse, so I then did stop smacking. Five years later she will still occasionally mention that I "smack her" and I haven't smacked her for years!
Anyway, just after my first daughters birth I happened to buy a Dr Sears book on a reduced table outside the front of a bookstore. It was an invaluable book to me. There are probably aspects I wouldn't completely agree with, but it certainly did educate me to look to other options for disciplining. But more than that, it helped me understand the developmental stages of a child. I knew what to expect, for instance I knew how difficult it was for any toddler to sit still for a meeting. So when they reached that age, I didn't see their behaviour as a reflection of my 'spiritual status' in the cong, ie I am not a spiritually fit parent.
That's the problem, people are so worried it reflects badly on them. It is all fear driven.
This is a hard one, because I don't know how well you know the couple and how easily they will take 'advice'. It really is about education though, they need to be educated about what is 'normal' for a 14month old so their expectations are realistic. Also - appeal to the heart of the Mother. Ask her straight out "Do you feel this is the right way to treat your child?". Witnesses are so much taught about what they should 'think' that if you ask them a thinking question they tend to just parrot off info. You need to help the Mother get in touch with her natural, intuitive feelings (and this tends to be strong in most Mothers, particularly in the first 2 years of the child's life. Although some of the examples given in this thread just make me despair). I find this is a good way to appeal to most Witnesses on most topics, because you can rationalise or reason or just plain deny the blatant truth if you think about it, but most Witnesses are not encouraged to check in with their body and emotions to really see if this feels natural.
And remind her that there is no example of Jesus disciplining children with force. Tell her that the 'spare the rod' scripture was also reflective of that period of time, and just like there are other scriptures that you reason are not practicable today, but were rather reflective of the culture and time period, the whole hitting your child is just not reasonable in this day and age when we understand children's behaviour and psychology today.
You can't just say "It is wrong though". It is much more helpful to draw her to find better, resourceful ways of dealing with her child. Ask her how she feels when she resorts to hitting (usually it is done in a moment of frustration, tiredness, overwhelm, 'don't know what else to do?'). So help her to come up with other ways before, in calmness, so she is more prepared when those moments hit. Ask her what makes her (or husband) want to hit at the KH? Then address that issue eg "Why does it make you feel that you are a bad parent if your child won't sit still?", really help her analyse what the deeper issue here is and help her see it may not be about her child really (eg "If that is normal behaviour for a 14 mth old, do you really care what other people think or is your child's healthy development more important?").
Perhaps go on the Dr Sears site and have a look at the 'Discipline & Behaviour' articles and see if you can email her an article. If this is their first child they, just like most of the population, need some guidance and education.
Thank you for standing up for this very important issue. All the best.
