I told my wife why I wouldn't comment at the last WT Study

by OnTheWayOut 29 Replies latest jw friends

  • jgnat

    Some of us UBM's (Unbelieving Mates) have experimented with leaving folders of research around to find. Or, find articles on the Scientologists and mutually scoff at their freaky-deaky paranoid and controlling behavior.


    Seeds, seeds.

  • Namasti

    My prayers are with you. I was married to an elder and when my eyes were opened and I became a "nonbeliever", the differences between us became too great and we had to go our separate ways, but I always wondered if it is possible to have a happy marriage with one person in and the other out of the borg. That would be a challenge, but I'm sure it can be done and has been done successfully by many. I guess it would all depend on many things. The foundation of the marriage, how open-minded is the active JW, etc. Let us know how it is working for you. I'm really curious. Best wishes

  • mkr32208

    Go slow bro... I would play it nice and easy. Once she has gotten all the seeds sown in all the cracks THEN do something "innocent" and let her see the love of the organization in play! It really worked for me. My wife and I are both out now. We actually celebrated our first REAL Xmas this year!

    But the best day of my life was seeing my wife toss the elders off our property before I could even get to the door to do it!

  • OnTheWayOut

    I have been cautious about what I leave laying around. I do leave some of my research.
    While I don't know, I am certain that my curious wife takes the bait most of the time
    and tries to understand what I am doing.

    I am thinking of getting bolder. I cannot start leaving apostate material out, so a book
    by Ray Franz is out, but maybe I can leave some of my CULT RESEARCH out. It's
    not from former members of JW's, so I think I can get away with it. I can even make the
    half attempt to hide the stuff. I will wait a month and contemplate this. I know that she
    will be asking me about meeting attendence, because I am starting to blow off more
    meetings already. Thanks for the thought.

  • mkr32208

    Just a thought. I got a heck of a lot further blowing giant holes in the bible itself than attacking the Borg. The conditioning of the witlesses is that the bible is infallible, unless there is a conflict between the bible and the society THEN the bible itself must be at fault! Bad translation or it don't mean what it SAYS or whatever the bible can be wrong but NEVER the organization. So I started showing her how loopy the bible is (I made jokes, worked for me, but I'm a joker!)

    Anyway it wasn't long before she saw that the bible was crap. From there she saw that the Borg was just men. Then she saw that they weren't exactly nice kind men that she would WANT to hang around... Slippery slope my friend slippery slope you've just got to lead her gently out onto it and then just kinda let her fall!

    I'm rarely around here anymore (This is the first time I've even been on here in many months) If you want to talk to me (or my wife) [email protected] or [email protected]

    You could email her and ask her specifically what things made her think the most or whatever might be a real surprise! I never really asked her so I might be surprised too!

  • wannaexit
    don`t push too hard..Little bits at a time,get the job done...OUTLAW

    good suggestion

    This is how I find myself out. Hubby always asked questions. Sometimes those questions created quite a bit of fuss between us. Many times I would storm out of the room, mad as hell. But what he said always swirled around my head and eventually I started to question on my own.


  • codeblue

    I think your "soft approach" in how you have reasoned with your wife is excellent

    If she ever makes comments about being mistreated by any elder, maybe getting this book: "The Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse" might be one to lay out.

    I am reading this book for the 2nd time. The first time I read it, I thought there were JW's that actually were the writers.


  • Balsam

    Absolutely the gentle nudging are the best. Little doses a little along. Allowing her to think and contimplate about how things are worded in the WTS. That she is so glad to have you as her husband is something that works in your favor too. The better you both get along without religious issues the better. It helps too if she is not to anal about follow the rules precisely.

    Good she understood what you were telling her about the comment on WT study on ones who leave.


  • penny2
    she is very happy to have me with her

    Sounds like she really loves you.

    I know of a couple who moved from another area. The wife is an active witness and sounds like a lovely person. Her husband used to be an elder but no longer attends any meetings other than the memorial. It is said that he was "stumbled" years ago. He supports her desire to remain a JW and by all accounts they live happily.

    I believe if matters are discussed reasonably and lovingly, it should be possible for compromises to be reached. It is much more damaging to keep going to meetings where you get more and more negative and irritated.


  • OnTheWayOut

    I believe if matters are discussed reasonably and lovingly, it should be possible for compromises to be reached. It is much more damaging to keep going to meetings where you get more and more negative and irritated.

    Good advice.

    Thanks Penny2, if I can no longer be quiet about what nonsense I learned at the meeting, then I will simply stop going.
    The purpose of the fade is to avoid a DF, but with concerned family and friends, it is a bit easier to cut down instead of
    quit cold turkey. I already quit all responsibilities, all recruiting (service), and miss 40 to 50% of meetings. This shows
    the wife that I am not just some devil-controlled apostate, but that I wanted to do what is right. I only make negative
    comments about the meetings if she asks, or if something happens with the elders (it virtually never does).

    Things will come to a head soon, because it is month 3 of reporting zero preaching hours. The elders were instructed
    by mother to help me, but they have done nothing so far. They will want to act before the CO returns, because that's the
    only motivation they seem to have. I plan to make the assemblies this year, but it should be my last. I plan to cut back
    on the meetings even more, starting right away. I may totally forego every meeting except the Weekends, then cut down
    on those by Summer.

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