I got the phone call. WARNING, DEPRESSING!

by Schism 36 Replies latest jw friends

  • willyloman

    Run this by him:

    Dad: I know how depressing it must be to get to your age and find out the end hasn't come yet, and doesn't appear to be any closer than it was 20 years ago. And I know how stressed out many Witnesses are that the Society changed its teaching on the length of a generation, which essentially pushed the end of the system way off into the future. But really, Dad, you've got to learn to pace yourself.

  • Schism


    I'm so glad I found this forum, because you guys honestly know what I'm going through. It's really stressing on a person.

    I think my dad needs to understand, finally, that tough love never works with me. It only makes me want to rebel like a little kid.

    My dad is middle-aged. He is normally quite dramatic, but it usually never ends up with him crying like that. But you have to understand, if it really was the end of the world (which, to him it is), and he really was going to watch his kid die, then he's not being overly emotional. Unfortunately, there's nothing I can say to convince him that it isn't the end of the world.

    I'll be honest, I am blaming this one on that damn tract campaign. He made me and my SO go over there late one night, after the meeting when they got the tract, and handed us one of them. He then proceeded to sit us down and make us read it, paused, and asked us how we felt about it. He was so nervous that night because he thought this was going to bring the end. He and my mom were partying and drunk throughout the 70s, so they were unaware of this same tract back then. I wasn't born yet, so they had no reason to be so JW-ish. Now that they are older and have kids, they are freaking out.

    He is acting like I don't know anything about being a JW and that I need to give it a second shot, this time paying more attention. But I've been one all my life, and I DO know what real JWs do and think, and they are so depressed and annoying that I don't want to have anything to do with it.

    This stinks. Should I fake it and go along with it? That would be unbearable, but would having it my way and watching them panic be worth it? I hate the guilt trip thing. They are my parents, and I do owe them one for having to go through the trouble of raising me, but I can only to so much before it ruins my quality of life. It's not like I asked to be born. If they wanted to have kids, but couldn't stand the thought of them having their own viewpoints, maybe they should have had an abortion when they were pregnant with me.

    Geez, I can't wait to get the followup phone call. "So, have you thought about what we talked about? Will you start studying with Sister Vomit now?"

  • willyloman

    Schism: I cant tell you what to do, but a wise person once told me that my relationship with my own parents was toxic and that toxicity meant I was free from the normal obligation a child has for parents. You owe them, but you don't owe them the right to poison you. If they persist, you will keep your distance in order to survive.

    Distance is crucial. And, remember, it's a long life. They may come around. So if you do distance yourself, make it clear why -- that their unfounded insistence that the WT is right about their ability to foretell the future, when they've been 100% wrong for more than 125 years, is killing your relationship. Tell them a reasonable person would not accept the Society's claims after this many misfires, and that you are determined to be a reasonable person... now that you're all grown up and have to make your own decisions about life. Thank them for their well-intended experiment with the organization, even if all it did was show you that the real truth must lie someplace else.

  • datsdethspicable

    i told this to my mom who was complaining about the lack of work when there was work for them...they do floors wax, strip, stain etc. but passed up a 20,000. job cause it was a church a couple of times.

    There was this God fearing man out on his fishing boat. A big wave came and capsized it. He sat on this boat a couple of days no water or food but prays and prays to God for help. A ship came and offered him a ride. He said, Nah, that's OK I will trust in Jehovah he will help me. He floats another week on the underbelly of his boat praying for God to help him. Along comes this Cruise Ship they stop and offer him a ride. He tells them No thanks I will trust in Jehovah....He will help me. So on he floats hungry, dehydrated, sick from heat....Finally he falls off his boat. To weak to swim he drowns. Alas he wakes up before God. He says Jehovah Jehovah I prayed to you to help me. Why did you let me die? Why didn't you help me? Gods says, Dang it sent you two boats!!!!

    She didn't like that story

  • penny2

    Hi Schism

    The same happens to me every now and then (and I'm 51, so don't think it's going to end). I handled it by clearly telling my parents why I no longer believe it's the truth (1975, generation etc). It doesn't matter what the reasons are - they are my reasons and they are valid for me.

    These days, I don't argue, I just let them talk.


  • freyd

    Try telling him/them that Jesus died as a ransom for all. And that means that all will be resurrected and come to a full knowledge of the truth.

  • carla

    Tell him about the pagan roots of the org and you can't involve yourself with something so demonic. I dunno. Show him some of the crazy flip flops? Like where they confused Jesus and Satan, how many times the rape issue has changed, UN, blood, vaccinations or any of the numerous false teachings. Why should you believe anything they say today when tomorrow it may all change and be false? Isn't God the same yesterday, today and tomorrow?

  • Schism

    LOL, yeah I can never get a word in with him anyway, so I just let him ramble on.

    I would love to be able to make him think for just one second, but just by me saying that I'm not going to die, he said that I was starting to sound like an apostate I can't say one tiny little thing without getting a label.

    I have to say something:

    Not long ago, my elder uncle yelled and told me and my sis off because we showed up at his house uninvited. My dad even brought that up and said I needed to be forgiving. This uncle came to my house and apologized, but was apparently being fake because as soon as he left he kept talking to his kids about it behind my back and twisting things to his benefit. Why even say your sorry if you're not? So I am supposed to act like nothing happened? Why won't my own dad take up for me? My uncle told me he wasn't fussing and that I took it the wrong way. That was a lie, because he told my dad that he was mean to me because I'm headstrong and I didn't respect the sanctity if his headship (puh lease) over his home by asking permission, so he wanted to teach me a lesson and knock me down a few notches. What a jerk. The only lesson I learned there was to never trust anyone in that family again. I will always be headstrong. It's good to not be a pushover. I cannot believe my hot-tempered dad will roll over and show his belly to any elder just because he's an elder.

  • sass_my_frass

    Ah it's so frustrating hey? But here's a cheerful thought; I didn't find it depressing either. A year ago I would have because it was all very fresh for me, and a couple of months ago when I visited my parents on the worst holiday ever I'd have been a bit depressed to be reminded how often it happens, but I'm getting far better these days. The world kept turning mate.

    He is always the first person to want to talk to a DFed guy, yet he feels like he needs to protect his emotions by distancing himself from me

    That's the stupidest logic. Can you point out that he's the one who is going to be hurt by this? I know how ultrasensitive they are to the tiniest criticism, but I've lately been thinking that they just have to go through it. They'll emerge at the other end either more batty, or they'll start treating you better. It's a tough call which way it will go.

    But the good news is that the most important person in your life is YOU. The only person responsible for their happiness is them. You're the one who has to make you happy. Make sure you put yourself first, within limits of course; but you're going to be on this earth longer than they are. They've already made their choices and had their chance.

  • garybuss

    If somebody calls me crying and talking about ghosts and gods and the world ending, I've gotta think that's a mentally disturbed person. The idea that there's a club of over six million other disturbed people lurking the planet doesn't change anything. That's a disturbed person.

    First thing I've gotta decide is if I gotta call 911 or not. Is the person likely to harm themselves or somebody else? If not, then I've got a passive neurotic with messianic delusions and episodes of paranoia. People like me raised around a person suffering from an untreated mental illness often don't recognize the symptoms and actually become enmeshed into a part of the illness. We can become sick ourselves by association, without awareness of the reasons for the irrational behavior.

    In my opinion, sane people don't have crying episodes over chapters and characters in a storybook. These are people who either have suspended or lost their connection with reality. If they're not a threat, and if they have enough of a support system built up and maintained, they very likely will never see evaluation, diagnosis, or treatment. If that's the case, all I can do is offer help and go on with my sane life.

    If I fall apart like a two dollar suitcase in the rain every time a paranoid neurotic with messianic delusions having a panic attack confronts me with the reality of their delusion, I'd have been in an institution myself by now. Believing an invisible Caucasian riding on a ghost horse is going to murder babies is an irrational, insane idea. If they've had a long history of breaks in their contact with reality, that's a definition of insanity. This is not a well person.

    I think if I can't separate myself from the mentally ill person, I might need some pragmatic counseling myself to help me see the rational separations between me and the patient. Mentally ill people like those in my personal experience, often don't understand the concept of boundaries and appropriate behavior. Inappropriate behavior is one symptom of mental illness. Often they'll have to be talked to on a level they can understand.

    Their bad behavior is not to be respected and accepted. Like a 4 year old throwing a tantrum in the grocery store, they need to be told why it's not okay and they might need to be given a time out. It's hard at first for an adult child to give a parent a time out, but that's what they sometimes need.

    If this is a repeated panic attack, I'd try to see if a physical exam is up to date and see if prescribed medication is being taken as prescribed. If it's a new behavior, I'd want to schedule a physical checkup as early as possible. Either way the patient's physician or psychiatrist needs to be told about the episode.

    I have way too much experience with unstable, irrational people. I was raised by a mildly retarded father as well as a paranoid, neurotic mother, and I watched one of my sons slip deep into paranoid schizophrenia over the last 15 years.

    I think the gift we may be able to give them is to help lead them to rational treatment. I might be wrong.

Share this