Don't Quite Know What To Make of This

by XJW4EVR 39 Replies latest social family

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  XJW4EVR

  Hi guys.

  Sorry for not post an update sooner, but I just haven't been feeling like posting.

  Friday night I went to her apartment. The same apartment we shared befor the divorce. A neighbor who has lived there when we moved in, and with whom my ex and I used to talk with, was out on the balcony having a cigarette. He let me in the building, and asked where my ex and the kids had gone. I said that that was why I was there to find out.

  I walked up to there apartment, and it was empty. Edwin, the neighbor, said that he came home Wednesday, and was that the apartment was empty, and he asked the complex manager what happened. The manager told Edwin, that she had given a 30 day notice, and has moving in with her mom up in Palmdale (northern L.A. county). Edwin didn't know anything more. So I left. Needless to say I was sick to my stomach.

  Saturday, I called a few J-Dubs, that I know my ex has contact with, and asked them to relay the message, that I need to speak with my ex, and make sure that everything is OK. To which they agreed. I also told them that this is very important, in that I am giving her one week to get in touch with me or else I will pursue legal action. Something that I really don't want to do at this point.

  Once that was done, I went for a long drive, to just get away from everything. I am very depressed, and while not suicidal, I realize that I can't coccon myself. So Sunday, after church, the Mrs & myself went to do some Christmas shopping, she really helped me out, keeping my spirits up. People in my church have been great, and supportive.

  I want to thank you all, for the concern and well-wishes. Again I apologize for not posting anything sooner. I hope you'll understand.

  As an aside, I was somewhat taken aback by Blondie's post. I'm sure it was written in a concerne manner, but I resent the fact that when this kind of thing happens, it's somehow the ex-husband's fault, or the ex-husband did something. I did everything for my kids, including going far above and beyond what I was required to do. I played by the rules, and I got screwed. That makes me very angry.
• 

  undercover

  Hey X...

  Sorry to hear the bad news...hope all works out well.

  I know you don't want to involve the lawyers right away but to protect your rights it would be good if you at least contacted them and let them know the situation so they can advise you.

  I have a friend who is going through something similar and he learned the hard way that hesitation can cost you. While he tried to be a nice guy and wanted to work it out as adults with his ex-wife, she got a lawyer and started all kinds of proceedings and even had him charged with harrasement for continually trying to contact her to disuss the matter. It got ugly. Get your lawyer involved as soon as possible.

  Good luck...
• 

  AuldSoul

  XJW4EVR,

  My heart sank reading your post. However I can help, I am willing (mostly a listening ear). Don't let yourself sink into a depression. Especially now, as that can lessen your legal footing. You will have a PM shortly.

  blondie: I don't know the details of your situation, but have you said or done anything that she might have interpreted as a reason to flee? I'm not saying you did, but something she might think is scary.

  To put this in perspective, my ex-sister-in-law told my brother that if he did not cease contact with me she would not let him see his two daughters or have any contact with them outside of her supervision. She has no legal right to stipulate this, but she did so just the same.

  I don't think blondie was implying your ex-wife's fear would be justified in the eyes of the law or any other sane person. Only that something might have scared a befuddled cultist into fleeing with an ex-cultist's children. Keep in mind, issues that the rest of the world views as expansive gray areas become starkly black and white in the mind of a cultist.

  Respectfully,
  AuldSoul
• 

  OuterBanks NC

  I think you are being hypersensitive to Blondie's post. She wasn't saying you did anything, but trying to give you all sorts of options/ideas. Also what reality is, and what percieved reality in the mind of a JW are two different things. Is your wife actually in violation of any of the court ordered actions? From your post it seems like she just moved to a new suburb, in with her mother. Do any of these things violate the court issued guidelines? If they do I would certainly make sure you either document them for use in the future or pursue your rights as outlined by your custody agreement now. Best of luck!
• 

  XJW4EVR

  AS,

  My ex is not a member of the cult any more. So it has nothing to do with the cult, she won't ever go back. I am not going to speculate on why she moved back with her mom, but I know she'll ever go back to the Dubs. Mainly, because the kids won't have it, but also because I had that stipulated into the divorce agreement, that if she ever went back to the Dubs while the children were minors, she would forfeit custody.

  I have contacted a lawyer, and I have been apprised of my rights, and duties. I will continue to fulfill them, because the current legal system in California is stacked against the father, so I have to do everything by the letter, in order to ensure that she has no legal grounds for any sort of shenanigans.
• 

  codeblue

  Sounds very fishy.... I hope you can track your family down soon!
• 

  AuldSoul

  my ex-mother-in-law's phone number, as she is still a JW

  She won't have anything to do with you because you are an ex-JW, but she will have her ex-JW daughter and ex-JW grandkids move in with her without any expectation of them returning to JWism?

  Something isn't right, there. I think you really might need to speculate on why she moved back in with her mother, just a friendly word of caution. I know of cases where wives and kids have been smuggled across country and their locations concealed by JWs in order to return to JWism. I know of cases where new identities have been assumed to accomplish the disappearance. Responding quickly always gives better odds of preventing these kinds of maneuvers.

  I am glad that you got in touch with a lawyer. Does California law permit her to suddenly move with the children without telling you or providing you contact information for the new location? That surprises me, if so. Hugely.

  I am hoping for the best for you. It is a shame that all this is coming down for you around the holidays. I do hope the Mrs. can keep the cast pall at bay.

  Respectfully,
  AuldSoul
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  bubble

  Oh my god, why are ex wives so evil. My husband has one too although she has never pulled a stunt like this.
  
  My advice is to do whatever your lawyer tells you to and hopefully this will be resolved.
  
  XXX
• 

  XJW4EVR

  She won't have anything to do with you because you are an ex-JW, but she will have her ex-JW daughter and ex-JW grandkids move in with her without any expectation of them returning to JWism?

  My ex mother-in-law, while still a practicing J-Dub, is not a diehard. She has attended a number of Christmas, Thanksgiving & birthday parties. I am not uncomfortable with my ex living with her based on this.

  Something isn't right, there. I think you really might need to speculate on why she moved back in with her mother, just a friendly word of caution. I know of cases where wives and kids have been smuggled across country and their locations concealed by JWs in order to return to JWism. I know of cases where new identities have been assumed to accomplish the disappearance. Responding quickly always gives better odds of preventing these kinds of maneuvers.

  I am aware of these cases. I do not think this is the case. I have made my attorney aware of the propensity of JW's to do this, but I have no hard evidence to indicate that she has gone back to the Dubs. Again, my kids would not stand for it.

  I am glad that you got in touch with a lawyer. Does California law permit her to suddenly move with the children without telling you or providing you contact information for the new location? That surprises me, if so. Hugely.

  No, California family law does not permit a custodial parent to move in this manner. The fact, that she did this is grounds for nullification of the custody agreement, and I can demand full custody, with limited and supervised visitation rights for her. Our divorce agreement stipulates that moves outside of a 75 mile radius of either parent must be agreed to. Lancaster is about 69 miles from my current address.
• 

  restrangled

  Dear XJW4ever,

  I just read this entire thread and it gave me the chills. So sorry you are going through this. Like you mentioned, do everything by the book and you should be ok.

  I think its outrageous for mothers or fathers to just up and disappear with kids. Wishing the best for you. Please keep us posted.

  r.