I'm out of kleenexes (page 2)

daystar

We don't choose who touches us, when, and how. You shouldn't feel embarassed about your grief. I've been precisely where you are in most respects.

looking_glass

I lost a very close friend over a month ago. He was one that "stuck closer than a brother" and he was my rock. I have yet to go thru a day without crying.

It is only normal to be without comfort initially. The idea that someone you knew and have memories of is gone, is one of the hardest concepts to accept. If, after sufficient time, you find that you still are dealing with deep grief, seek out a grief counselor as this is their speciality and they will be able to help you find the root of your sadness so as to address it.

I totally understand where you are coming from. Allow yourself to morn. I am sending you a very warm tight hug and wishing you peace.

L_G

lonelysheep

It is sad. It's ok to cry, (((Gwyneth)))

unique1

It's called empathy and there is nothing wrong with posessing that. Don't be ashamed. More people need empathy!!

bebu

((((gwyn))))

This is not a bad thing. You care a lot about that family and their loss. That touches the family, I assure you; it validates their own grief to see others grieve with them.

I recall the first funeral I ever went to, when I was 15. A 12-yr old boy, whose parents were my parents' good friends, had been viciously murdered (run over several times; no one has ever been arrested even yet). No open casket, obviously. The church was packed, and tears were flowing everywhere. I sat like a stone, wondering if something was wrong with me because I couldn't cry at all.

Then the casket came down the aisle, followed by the family who could barely walk. They were somehow holding each other up, the parents in particular were heaving with sobs. Seeing that, I really lost it. I just couldn't comprehend the impact on the family until that moment and it devastated me.

Sadly, 2 years later the mom died from a heart attack and hers was my second funeral. I went to the wake, and when I was greeted by the dad I began to cry! I felt terrible. But that is the way grief is--it won't be denied.

and a (((HUG)))

bebu

mzliz

gwyneth, I'm crying just reading your post (somethings wrong with ME:)

you sound like a compassionate person, let it out! I'm so sorry for his family and yours and all that are affected by this tragic loss. sending love and light,

Liz

megsmomma

I can totally relate. I went to a funeral for a young man my boyfriend at the time went to school with. I had never met him or his family, yet I was a huge mess, overcome with grief. It was a bit embarrasing since it didn't seem like I had the "right" to react that way...but like unique1 said...It's empathy, and that is really a great quality. I think we were taught not to have that because then we would actually feel for all the babies Jehovah was going to kill in armeggedon (among all others).

I am sorry you are feeling so sad....((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

jt stumbler

gwyneth

Thanks so much for all the reassuring responses. Megsmomma hit it on the nail--I felt that I didn't have the "right" to react the way I did. My friend Monica just told me that she cannot stand how I judge myself for how I FEEL all the time. I guess it's hard when you're told how you "should" react to things all your life and then when you have a genuine unexpected emotion, it throws you for a loop.

I really appreciate all the input...I have got to learn to not be so hard on myself and let myself feel what is happening.

Hugs to everyone who has gone through this, too.

BizzyBee

does it seem inappropriate for someone who doesn't know the deceased all that well to cry so much at a funeral?

Not at all. The thing is, death is sad. Not just the loss of that particular person, but thinking about the loss from the point of view people who are most affected - in this case you were thinking of his daughter and his father and about how devastated they are. It's called compassion and it is a very fine character trait to possess. And a funeral is a very appropriate time to express it.

Funerals also are an opportunity to get in touch with losses in our own lives, such as loved ones we've lost maybe many years ago. I had a loss this year. Now, a girlfriend who lost her sister to MS 3 years ago starts crying every time she sees me. I know it is more about her loss than mine, but that's OK. The tears are healing no matter what the reason. We are crying because death is sad.

I'm out of kleenexes

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