Faders: Would you prefer attention from the elders or not?

by ringo5 30 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  Narkissos

  There was a passage in one Woody Allen movie (vague memory) where he compared our outlook on life to old ladies in a restaurant, complaining that the food was not only awful but scarce... I suppose this can apply to JW "pastoral care" too...

  That faders do not want any sort of pastoral care does not prevent them from noting, retrospectively, that such care was not even offered. After all, the elders were not supposed to know about the fade plan. (Had they known, they would have been there perhaps. )
• 

  inactive in jersey

  there was one elder who would stop by from time to time. i said that i wasn't sinning. i think that they think if you're inactive it is because you are sinning. he wanted me to come back to meetings. i said what i have always said' i have doubts that it is the truth'. they don't know how to handle that statement. they don't understand it. if they came nowthe first thing i would think is 'what do they have on me'.
• 

  ringo5

  i think that they think if you're inactive it is because you are sinning.

  Good point. Or have sinned and feel ashamed, or want to lead a selfish life of sin (which in their mind could even include university). There is no "honourable discharge", nor is there is any good reason in their mind to leave because they really feel "where else would we go?"

  i said what i have always said' i have doubts that it is the truth'. they don't know how to handle that statement. they don't understand it.

  I'm a little surprised but glad that worked for you. Many people on here have related how admitting this to the elders has set in motion the wheels of a kangaroo justice (in tribute to the Spanish Inquisition) until they made sure those doubts couldn't spread to the unread (bustin a rhyme for jehober)).

  Welcome, jersey girl BTW...

  ringo5
• 

  GermanXJW

  If you fade because of disillusion you wait for elders to come because that is what you have learnt all your JW life: that the Elders care for those "spiritual weak". When they don't, it is another disillusion for you. When they come, it is still annoying because they do not care about your concerns but just want to check if you can be easily reacivated or if you are dangerous.
• 

  OnTheWayOut

  That faders do not want any sort of pastoral care does not prevent them from noting, retrospectively,
  that such care was not even offered. After all, the elders were not supposed to know about the fade
  plan. (Had they known, they would have been there perhaps. )

  Narkissos calls it for me. I didn't want the expected help. I didn't get it.

  The elders know they are supposed to shepherd me. I am about to be
  declared "inactive" on the books at the end of March. There is a CO visit
  right before that, so they will feel obligated to call on me. The thing is, they
  haven't done more than be polite in the last 4 months. While that works
  well for my fade, I will have to pretend they are offering too little, too late.

  There was a time when every meeting I attended, I would expect them to try to
  pull me aside for a chat, now I know it's easy to walk out the door w/o being
  stopped. When they finally try, I am ready with a strong, "NO THANK YOU."

  As noted by Narkissos, if my fading intention were known, they would be all
  over me, forcing me to swear allegiance or disassociation. IN SEARCH OF
  CHRISTIAN FREEDOM noted that they make time for judging, investigating,
  but have no time left for truly helping people. I note that this means that
  "they got nothing" in the way of true help.
• 

  JH

  As a Fader, I would have liked to have the attention of my few JW friends, not the elders. Why do they think that they have to be the only ones to intervene.

  They should be the last ones to intervene, when nothing else seems to work.
• 

  GermanXJW

  There is a rule to visit DA/DFed once a year.. We did a survey on the German board for people DFed/DAed:
  http://www.sektenausstieg.net/smf/index.php?topic=8997.0

  44.4% replied that no elder has ever visited them despite they would have expected it.

  Another 42.6% replied that elders did not visit them and they assume that is because those elder see no hope they would ever return.

  Only 13% got any visits of which 7.4% said that elders ceased visiting them. 5.6% said that they told the elders on their first visit to leave them alone.

  So much for shepherding the flock.
• 

  garybuss

  I walked away in 1974. By waiting 9 years to first make contact with me, the Witness recruiters missed any easy chance to talk with me, and . . . they had two problems from day one. They had the issues of social breakdown and the failures of predictions made.
  
  Some of my relatives made a side run at me in 1981 but that backfired on them.
  
  Their mistake was they wanted to see me as a person overcome by weakness, when the truth was, I was empowered by strength. Unfortunately for them, strength and weakness looks the same to them. Later I made studies of my studies and I developed a confidence they didn't see from a distance. They had no tools for courage and knowledge. Their only defence was to reject me completely because they had no answer to hard facts and no reply to my personal experience.
  
  It's easy to know when you're on the right track with a Witness because they will start to run like a grain bin rat in a spotlight. They like to quote the Bible but I read the texts about Jesus and I don't recall him running when somebody presented him with facts.
  
  
• 

  Wafe

  I waited for them for five years as I was in bad need for help. I never got a response (other than when I went to them) so at this point I frankly don't care to ever see them again.
• 

  OnTheWayOut

  There is a rule to visit DA/DFed once a year..

  I have mentioned this before. The rule is to call upon those DA/DF
  "known" to live in the territory, and there is some gibberish about them
  not being hostile to a visit (forget the exact wording).

  So they never try to obtain an address for any known to move into the
  territory- then they aren't aware of the fact that they live in the territory
  or they don't know how to find them. Also, at elder's meetings, they
  try to have someone say how unreceptive certain ones are. While this is
  generally true, they don't really know that the person feels the same way
  as a long time ago.

  Truthfully, the cult middle managers are not pressured to do this, so they don't.
  Even regular "shepherding" visits are not monitored by Big Mother, so they don't
  often do them. I was shepherding one crisis after another. Any who seemed
  stable went on the backburner- I would try to work with them in recruiting,
  occasionally.