Q. What do they call pastors in Germany?
A. German Shepherds.
Q. Who was the greatest financier in the Bible?
A. Noah. He was floating his stock while everyone else was in liquidation.
Q. Who was the greatest female financier in the Bible?
A Pharaoh's daughter. She went down to the bank of the Nile and drew out a
little prophet.
Q. What kind of motor vehicles are in the Bible?
A. Jehovah drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden in a Fury. David's Triumph
was heard throughout the land. Also, probably a Honda, because the apostles
were all in one Accord.
Q. Who was the greatest comedian in the Bible?
A. Samson. He brought the house down.
Q. What excuse did Adam give to his children as to why he no longer lived in
Eden?
A. Your mother ate us out of house and home.
Q. Which servant of God was the most flagrant lawbreaker in the Bible?
A. Moses. He broke all 10 commandments at once.
Q. Which area of Palestine was especially wealthy?
A. The area around Jordan. The banks were always overflowing.
Q. Who is the greatest baby sitter mentioned in the Bible?
A. David. He rocked Goliath to a very deep sleep
Q. Which Bible character had no parents?
A. Joshua, son of Nun.
Q. Why didn't they play cards on the Ark?
A. Because Noah was standing on the deck.
Bible Jokes (as lame as the ones we used to pass around when we were JW's)
by TheHypnoToad 14 Replies latest social humour
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TheHypnoToad
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*jeremiah*
The JW joke i will never forget. I heard it a million times when i was a kid.
You know there is no woman in heaven right?
When he opened the seventh seal, there was silence in heaven for about half an hour.
Revelation 8:1-3 -
MsMcDucket
I all ready told this one, but I'll tell it again for those who may of missed it.
A scientist was having a discussion with Jehovah. The scientist said that he could make a man. Jehovah says ok do it. The scientist begins to get some dirt. Jehovah says wait a minute! "Use your own dirt"!
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GoingGoingGone
Who had the stretchiest skin in the bible? The man who tied his ass to a tree and walked 2 miles.
GGG
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Nosferatu
Oh man, you guys had to make me cry.... and NO, it's not the type of crying where you're laughing really hard.
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gordon d
According to the Bible, it's the man's job to make coffee... there's a whole book about it: "He-Brews"
The Bible mentions female hormonal imbalance and crabbyness:
"Mary road Joseph's ass all the way to Bethlehem"
The Bible refers to flatulence... "Balaam's ass spoke to him"
Moses did not accept the seriousness of his situation... He was in "de-nile"
Revelation says that there will be no milk in the new system... "Utter destruction"
Whenever Jesus was a child, he would never clean his room... Mary would continually shout,
JESUS CHRIST!...Were you born in a barn!?! -
Gopher
The early Christians went out in the ministry in a Honda. "They were all in one ACCORD"
Jesus had a Harley-Davidson. In Revelation it says "He thrust in his sharp SICKLE"
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kitten whiskers
"clap""clap""clap" Way to go on your own thread honey! Kitten Whiskers (aka-HypnoToads wifey)
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Jeffro
Oh man, you guys had to make me cry.... and NO, it's not the type of crying where you're laughing really hard.
Unfortunately, this comment was the funniest thing in the thread.
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Confession
HT, I certainly hope I wasn't one of the people who "blessed" you with any of those "jokes" when you were a little kid!
Best,
Confession