My heart hurt today at all the wasted years in the ORG.

purplesofa

A few days ago, I was listening/watching the History Channel while getting ready for work. It was on the history of the Morman Religion. One of the docs I work for is Morman. I always try to find something to chitchat with the docs with, so I asked him about his religion. We had a great little talk, did not last long and he said I will bring you some info.

Today I saw him again, and we talked more. I am not saying I am going to the Morman religion. They believe they have the truth as the JW's do.

BUT, they have a structure that I found interesting.

A meeting on Sunday am that last for three hours......the first hour all are together for sacraments and/or talks. Then they are divided men and women for teachings. Children too.

There are different teaching groups for newly baptised, newly interested, and I dont remember what all else.

There are clubs, like book clubs, garden clubs, just things of interest that are for socializing.

On Wednesday nights it is youth night for all kids from 12-18.

Children are not allowed to give talks until they are 12. Men and Women give talks.

Once quarterly they have a big social gathering where all are invited.

Once a year they have what I imagine is like our convention.

They are all for higher education.

They celebrate Xmas.

These are good people, like many witnesses. But they have a much more rewarding life right now, (if Chrisitainity is what you want)

I was invited to a bible study at the docs house this evening but just cant be out late at night, he lives kinda far. They are studying the Isaiah book.

I stood there almost sick to my stomach at all the wasted years isolated. I believed that the job I had was worldly ...I made good money and had a passion for it........I felt guilty for having a career I loved. So I gave it up, to be more SPIRITUAL.......

The isolation I passed on to my daughter is what makes me most sick. All those talks about not having big gatherings, nothing structured for socializing, entertainment......normal things.

If I was to be in a "cult" I wish I had at least chose the Mormans, they seem alot more balanced and look at the world more realisitically.

Now i have spent 20 years moving absolutely no where. It is so clear to me now. How screwed up JW thinking is. I am almost shocked today at this realization. It hit my heart today. and it hurt deeply.......that I believed and lived such an isolated, confusing, rigid lifestyle.

I felt sick for staying away from family at Christmas.......a nice family tradition........

For not encouraging my kids to go to college. It is overwhelming today. I could not even begin to let the feelings start to flow. I know I will have to deal with it........but really, so much of the JW stuff is engrained.......I think I became unfeeling and numb. Detached.

I do fineally feel free from some of the major clutches of JWism.

I just can't get over how screwed up it all is........it hit me like a ton of bricks today at a very deep level.

purps

WANTMOMBACK

i'm so sorry you are having a bad day. I am not and have never been a JW but my mother and her whole family are JW's. It is a very confusing and scary to me. I have absolutely no understanding so maybe you can explain some of it to me. I know you must feel very alone. My mom was DF in 1989 and reinstated in 1998 what a lonely , isolated time for her. She would see her own sisters and they would not speak to her but instead walk by her as if she were a stranger. Just wanted you to know you have a friend.

fullofdoubtnow

(((purps)))

I hope your day gets better, I know your life will once you break completely free of jwism and the hold it had on you. I guess we all have to go through it, we just don't realise exactly how much we sacrificed because we chose to follow the wts dream. It is a sickening thought, all those years we threw away doing works for the org, when we could have been doing something so much more rewarding.

But it will pass, it really will, it does eventually for most of us who have managed to escape that mean little cult. Believe me, there are better days, and better times ahead.

love

Linda

gordon d

Hi Purps,

If it helps... I'm hurting with you.

After leaving the organization, I went several years without any religious involvement...But when I fell in love with my wife, suddenly I was exposed to a person who loved God, loved Jesus, had a real grasp of the truth, lived a Christian life, and had NEVER even been in a KH.

Kinda' made me think.

I had never swung so far as to become athiest so when the feeling inside (that I was missing something meaningful and spiritual) surfaced, I began my quest for the real truth. The story is probably way too long to post here but if you're interested in what I discovered, it would be an honor to share it with you

If you ever need someone to talk to, just PM me and I'll give you my number.

It's such a wonderful feeling... "the joy that surpasses all understanding"
Gordon

Xnived Shadow

Have u ever gone to the gym and put to many weights on the machine to the point u cant lift it not even a inch or nudge? I kinda of like having all these feelings and your heart becomes so heavy it feels like its not even part of you anymore (detached). But then something triggers it and its like a floodgate being opened. It sucks, you just gotta keep your head above the water and wait for tomorrows sun. Good luck

purplesofa

I would ask the doc about things that will happen in the future..........He said We just don't know. I said I would much rather hear that than you feeling like you have to give me all the answers......just to be telling me something....any ole thing.

He said there is so much that I don't know.

This man is over his whole congregation.........He was very honest with me.

I asked him if they had mandatory meetings during the week and he said no.........I would say the only "mandatory" meeting is Sunday.

I said ......Do you feel like if a single mom with two jobs trying to make a living........if she cant make it to meetings during the week she is not very spiritual. He said NO.........many are like you and it is understandable. You have to make a living.

Gordon

The story is probably way too long to post here but if you're interested in what I discovered, it would be an honor to share it with you

Yes, I would be honored for you to share your story. purps

purplesofa

Have u ever gone to the gym and put to many weights on the machine to the point u cant lift it not even a inch or nudge? I kinda of like having all these feelings and your heart becomes so heavy it feels like its not even part of you anymore (detached). But then something triggers it and its like a floodgate being opened. It sucks, you just gotta keep your head above the water and wait for tomorrows sun. Good luck

Xnived Shadow,

YES, exactly....thanks for explaining it in just that way. and WELCOME TO THE BOARD. purps edited to add: It's the sacrifice made to have happiness, when all the while we are told we are a happy people.........I wasn't F(*&ing happy......I was miserable and alone.......and it makes me so sick that I chose to live that way.

becca1

Dear Purps: I'm really sorry you are having a bad day. I appreciate how cherry and uplifting you usually seem. I have days like yours too. What we have lived through as witnesses is so intense and life consuming that it can not be left behind easily. After 47 years I doubt I'll ever be trully "out".My life was molded by the the WT. I would need to suffer total amnesia to not be influenced. I too am sorry for the things I denied my children. Today one is grown and the youngest 17, so ther is no use crying over spilled milk. I just try each day to do and say things that prove my unconditional love for them (something I feel the WT keeps parents from having), and to give my 17 year old the freedom to become the person he trully is.

I hope tomorow is a better day...

AK - Jeff

Yep

I wasted, or at least spent, over 40 of 'em in there.

I try to view it as just part of life. I could have had worse - I could have been born in poverty in Indonesia, watched my parents die of malaria, and had my life shortened too. Instead, I believed lies, while I ate well, loved well, lived well.

I know how you feel though Purps. Most of us have been there, and sometimes revisit that place.

I just try and turn the glass over in my mind and make it 'half full' instead of 'half empty'. I know that is just rhetoric, but it works for me sometimes.

((((((((((((((((Purps))))))))))))))))

Jeff

Madame Quixote

Hugs, PS. I too have days like that, but not too often. It really can and does hit like a ton of bricks every once in a while, in different ways, at different moments and sometimes very, very unexpectedly. It makes us vulnerable to fall prey to other addictions/cults, too. You are right to be a little wary of the Mormons and it is understandable that you're looking at them as a comparison. Most of my relatives are JWs, but I also have a Mormon aunt and uncle on my dad's side. I think our family was just some how pre-dispositioned to develop religious addiction. It is hard to let go of sometimes, but it looks like you are still young enough to work things out with your kids. Education is always available, regardless of their ages and regardless of the past. You can still support them and yourself in pursuing it; better late than never. Hugs and best wishes. I know how you feel. There is much time and money and human resources wasted in the bOrg. Congratulations on having the strength to get out and stay out and be your own person; and most especially, kudos for setting the example for your kids and getting out of a bad situation and making the best of what you've got.

My heart hurt today at all the wasted years in the ORG.

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