Making my peace with life, love and the world we live in.

by diamondblue1974 18 Replies latest jw experiences

  • diamondblue1974
    diamondblue1974

    I am a point in my life when I reflect upon my history and my interactions with various people who have been a part of my life. Some have stayed and yet some inevitably have left through either their or my own choice or indeed by sadly moving into the next life. These people include family, close friends’ partners, colleagues and acquaintances. It stands to reason that not everyone that enters into your life has a positive effect and as such some have even been the originator of some considerable pain, anguish and on some occasion’s abuse. On the flipside, some bring with them love, support, friendship and ultimately trust, yet I think it important that despite all of that, we learn from such people and experiences and take those often harsh lessons with us on our onward journey.

    Life, even at times when you are at your weakest point or feel that day’s could never be darker, teaches us important lessons; do we simply ignore them or do we allow both positive and negative experiences to lead, mould and teach us?

    Is it possible to see past the negative experiences perhaps even to forgive? Would such forgiveness help us to heal our wounds or would it simply let the perpetrator off the hook and create longer term resentment? I for one believe that we must move on and that whilst a moment of reflection is needed and is entirely necessary, to be keeping too much of an account of the injury and to be constantly looking behind us will only drive us in that direction – backwards.

    Love is an aspect of life which is often positive, it induces creativity, passion, trust, and friendship but on the flipside of this, it is often where we can feel at our most exposed and vulnerable. This is particularly so where historically negative people have abused our trust when we least expected it; do these experiences teach us to never trust again or do they teach us to trust only those who are trustworthy? Can our experiences teach us to identify the difference between those who we can and cannot trust? Do we really need to know the difference? I consider trust to be the most important part of any relationship whether that is a friendship or something more tender – without it being the cement used to bind, the whole structure can fall apart with little pressure.

    But where does such trust come from? Can it be reasonable to trust someone automatically from the outset until they prove different or should trust be as a result of experience? Is it possible to combine both perspectives? – Of course I accept that this depends both on the circumstances and the degree of risk and exposure you face, but where do you draw the line?

    Historically our perspectives have had to change monumentally when we consider our world view; from a JW standpoint everything is so short term and not built to last; do we still have such short term views or are we prepared to now live life to the full and put every effort in achieving the ultimate goal – happiness? Do our lives still reflect the fact that our belief system was abused or are we making constant steps to move on and to heal? Time I suppose will only tell.

    I look back and know that I have experienced; I have learned; I have experienced pain and I have forgiven and I have been forgiven; I have healed; I have felt and continue to feel love; I have trust and have been trusted.

    Yet as I reflect and sense an inner peace like never before I still look at the journey ahead with some trepidation and caution, I suppose that is natural. I look to my right and beside me is the one person who truly understands me, her hand is in mine and her face is full of love and strangely enough, admiration. The road ahead seems clear but she still senses my apprehension and probably feels it too.

    Nothing more needs to be said between us at this point; we both put our best foot forward and cautiously but with a degree of confidence, we move on.

    These were just some of the thoughts and ramblings I had as I reflected on history and consider the future ahead.

    Peace and blessings

    Gary

  • Dansk
    Dansk

    Gary,

    That love drug you and Dawn are on is extremely powerful stuff! I loved being in love in my twenties, when we were courting and had years ahead of us. This is spot on:

    Love is an aspect of life which is often positive, it induces creativity, passion, trust, and friendship but on the flipside of this, it is often where we can feel at our most exposed and vulnerable.

    I am going through such a situation now. I have been here before. My marriage became almost soulless! Disease came between us. I'm about to enter the abyss again and I'm fearful. Not of death, but of the vulnerability.

    Ian

  • unclebruce
    unclebruce

    Thanks for the thoughts and ramblings Gary,

    do we still have such short term views or are we prepared to now live life to the full and put every effort in achieving the ultimate goal – happiness?

    Happiness and it's persuit are a huge subject but basically I think it's important to find some happiness each day. My theory being that it's the small daily happinesses that make for a happy life.

    cheers, unc

  • unclebruce
    unclebruce

    ps: you guys need a hug

    Free Hugs

  • Dansk
    Dansk

    Brucey (((((((((Hugs)))))))))

    Great link! Made me laugh Even a cop got in on the act at the end We all need hugs!

    Love,

    Ian

  • freedomloverr
    freedomloverr

    DB-






    ****That love drug you and Dawn are on is extremely powerful stuff! I loved being in love in my twenties, when we were courting and had years ahead of us.

    This is spot on:
    Love is an aspect of life which is often positive, it induces creativity, passion, trust, and friendship but on the flipside of this, it is often where we can feel at our most exposed and vulnerable.****


    would you feel this same sense of peace and calm that you feel right now if it weren't for this special person in your life? the true challenge, like Ian said, is when that love drug wears off and you are still right back where you started from - exposed, vulnerable, with trepidation. That I believe is when you "walk through fire", or enter that "dark night of the soul."

    Not to sound like a cynic but I'm growing to believe I won't truly learn *peace* and *forgiveness* until all these fleshly illusions of love and stability are gone from my life. perhaps then I can learn what truly drives me.

    or perhaps I just need a change of perspective. not looking for another human to *bring* me happiness and contentedness but realizing that lies right within me.



  • diamondblue1974
    diamondblue1974
    would you feel this same sense of peace and calm that you feel right now if it weren't for this special person in your life? the true challenge, like Ian said, is when that love drug wears off and you are still right back where you started from - exposed, vulnerable, with trepidation. That I believe is when you "walk through fire", or enter that "dark night of the soul."

    Not to sound like a cynic but I'm growing to believe I won't truly learn *peace* and *forgiveness* until all these fleshly illusions of love and stability are gone from my life. perhaps then I can learn what truly drives me.

    or perhaps I just need a change of perspective. not looking for another human to *bring* me happiness and contentedness but realizing that lies right within me.

    Freedomloverr:

    Inner peace without a doubt comes from within, having someone to share it with merely compliments it. Of course a healthy relationship allows self to develop rather than being all consumed by that someone else and this I suppose is the difference. You mention the love drug wearing off which is a useful point and analogy however whilst the hearts and flowers and soppy romantic notions might fade to some degree, true feelings of love do not, however if there is no substance there as a foundation, you are right, all you are left with is trepidation and vulnerability - the key I am finding is that healthy relationships are built and do not arrive automatically.

    Gary

  • juni
    juni

    Happiness comes from within. You have to be at peace with yourself before you can successfully share your life with someone else. This is something I have to continually work on as I was so used to being on the go all the time as a Jw and living a pseudo happy life. It takes time to dispel that myth.

    Enjoy each day for what happiness that day brings. I find this helps me cope with stress.

    Take things slowly and enjoy the moment however small that little piece of simple pleasure is.

    Juni

  • diamondblue1974
    diamondblue1974
    I am going through such a situation now. I have been here before. My marriage became almost soulless! Disease came between us. I'm about to enter the abyss again and I'm fearful. Not of death, but of the vulnerability.

    Your fears are understandable given your circumstances but consider this Ian, to get this far you have an amazing relationship and despite the challenges ahead for you both, your consideration for each other as well as the love you share will drag you out of this all the better.

    Gary

  • girasole
    girasole

    Thanks for this beautiful and reflective post!


    I love this question that you posed: "Do our lives still reflect that our belief system was abused or are we making constant steps to move on and to heal?"

    While I feel that my life will always reflect in some way my experiences in the past I hope that I can also achieve and reflect a sense of victory, strength, and fortitude. It's all to easy sometimes to become mired in being the victim.

    In response to your thoughts about forgiveness...For me, it's not possible to experience peace unless there is forgiveness. I don't think forgiveness means condoning or not acknowledging the wrong that has been done - it simply means not getting stuck on it and being willing to move on - even if others are not so willing. I think it means always being open to the possibility that things could someday be different.

    For me, there's a micro-forgiveness and a macro-forgiveness. Micro-forgiveness means forgiving on a small scale - the individuals who are most closely associated with us. To me, this is the most important forgiveness. To harbor ill feelings towards individuals could lead to regret. And regret is the emotion that I fear the most. I will always be willing and open to accept those into my life that I was once close to provided that this acceptance is not conditional - ie - does not require entering back into the witness life.

    Macro-forgiveness is more problematic (ie - a more abstract forgiveness of the organization and all it embdies as a whole). I have not been able to forgive the organization that brought this about in the lives of family and myself. I'm not sure that macro-forgiveness is altoghether necessary. I suppose that depends on what it would entail. If forgiveness of the organization as a whole means to discontinue speaking out about the hidden dangers and evils then I cannot do that - not at this point in my life anyway. If it means letting go of day to day resentment and anger and feeling empowered rather than victimized - then I suppose while I'm not completely there yet - I'm on my way.

    Thank you for your thoughts...

    girasole

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