What Emotion Do You Have Now Because You Were One Of Jehovah's Witnesses? (page 6)

KAYTEE

anger and embarrassment at being duped so easily, if they had only joined the UN 30 years ago, i f only I had studied the history of this cult,if if if.

KT

Disbelief that i was sucked in and a wt slave for about 27 years, all told. It seems like a dream now, sometimes i can`t believe that it`s all happened. I lost my family, because of it, there is a trail of messed up lives because of it, my children blame it for messing their heads up, as it has affected them deeply. I was angry, now i am trying to live my life to the full, make up for all the years of control. It is great just to do the little things in life, like a lie in on Sunday, not having to rush around because of meetings f/service etc. It is called getting your life back, but it does take time to rebuild it, but at least you have freedom to do what you want!

AuldSoul

Regretful for the lost time.

Apprehensive about whether my wife will waste her entire life in that filthy cesspool of thoughtless ritual and hidden immorality.

Respectful of the many who have broken free and have made their lives into something they can cherish.

Angry and indignant at the organization that continues to perpetrate crimes and injustices against everything ethical in the name of God, while calling itself the only hope for salvation for all mankind (the modern-day ark that will preserve life through the coming destruction).

Delighted that I now have the opportunity to become me.

Despondent that I have so much more to learn about how to become me than do many others my age.

Vindicated by the reams of information I have learned about this organization since leaving.

Thrilled at being able to help others to see that there is a brighter life than the one offered by the WTS.

... lest anyone wonder why most recent (and even many old-timer) ex-JWs seem a bundle of emotions ...

Respectfully,
AuldSoul

blondie

anger and embarrassment at being duped so easily

Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me.

Hopefully, we have learned enough not to be fooled twice by the WTS. JWD and other sites on the internet do a great job of educating people to what the WTS has in its own publications and how to see the WTS "fool" tactics. But these tactics are not unique to the WTS unfortunately. Be careful that some other group doesn't "fool us."

Blondie

minimus

Auld Soul, that was beautiful!!!

Nowman

I went through different emotions, currently its relief.

1. When I 1st left the org, I was excited about my new life. I was excited to do "worldly" things, like a date with a boyfriend without intentions to marry him. Or, wear a "worldy" outfit and go out and buy clothes I would never have worn had I been a strong JW. Plans to go to a party where I could drink. Basically, everything that was never allowed to do through my teen years, I was on a mission

2. Still new to the world, but got alot out of my system as I stated in #1. Then, I started to miss my parents, and my heart started to break a bit. Then I became very angry at my parents. I had an eating disorder that was getting out of control, I didn't care. I dabbled in some drugs and didn't care. Because of my disorder, when I drank, I was a basket case. When I had too much to drink, I would purposely hit walls, try to jump out of cars, and I would sob. What I am stating here is something that I knew I was doing to myself but I never wanted to talk about it. The "next day" was a "new" day. I thought I would start all over every day.

3. As a few years went on, still no word from mom and dad. I realize now, I did everything with a obsession. I was a work-a-holic, I was party-a-holic, I was a social-a-holic, I was a shop-a-holic, I was a debt-a-holic, I was "aholic" person period. I had to do everything to the extreme. I realize now that I was falling apart.

4. I became pregnant with by daughter 5 years after I left the org. I was feeling ok about it. I had gotten myself healthier too, my life was more stable. I had my daughter, and we then moved back to Illinois from Colorado. Yet, looking back, I still had some deep rooted issues that I couldn't put my finger on. I was still angry at parents for not wanting to talk to me or meet their grandchild.

5. 7 years out of the org, I was pregnant with my 2nd child, a boy. There was still something that made me feel angry everyday. Not too long after my son was born, my mom was DF'd!!! I couldn't believe it. I would have her in my life again! Well, it was terrible at 1st, there were some bad things that happened that mirrored my childhood, and I became more angry at her. Please understand that I didn't realize my mom was sick, worse off than me.

6. So, 8-9 years out of the org, I am still feeling the effects of it. Why? How come I couldn't get over this thing that happened to me? After all, I was successful, I had two beautiful children, I had a decent husband who loved me. There still was something I was struggling with. I was so wishy washy. I couldn't just have things in my life calm, there had to be some type of disappointment in order for me to feel that my life was in order. So, I decided to up and get divorced. I realized all of sudden I did not love my husband anymore. Just like that. What the hec was wrong with me?

7. 9-14 years out of the org. I have just grown up. I realize that I needed to take control of my life. I needed to stop thinking about shoulda, coulda, woulda. I needed to make the best of things, I had that ability. I just didn't want to ruin my life anymore over the org even while I was out. I healed. I started to look forward to the future. I started to have peace. Then came the appreciation for coming to my senses. Now I am just relieved. Today, I am happy.

Sorry, I wrote a book. I really wanted to share my stages. I never wrote them down before.

Nikki

OnTheWayOut

Nikki,

Whew, glad to get that off your shoulder, huh?
Feel free to write a book anytime. Most will read it, some will scan it. It always helps others
to see some others with similar problems.
I have the "aholic" personality, so I don't drink, drug, gamble, etc. All I can say is that I will
have an easy time avoiding DF since I also am a faithful husband.
I need to take my own advice, because right now, I am a JWD-aholic. I need to switch to
overindulgence in exercise and hobbies. That will help.

As far as "shoulda, coulda, woulda" I try to focus on what can be done, not coulda been done.

What Emotion Do You Have Now Because You Were One Of Jehovah's Witnesses?