I was married to an `unbelieving` husband for the 25 years i was a jw and I divorced him a few years ago, before i got d/f, but looking back now, he was a blessing in disguise, as in some ways i kept up to date with the `world` altho` i didn`t get involved with anything in it, apart from shopping at sainsburys on a sat afternoon. The rest of the time i was too busy looking after my kids and getting to meetings etc.so didn`t have any spare time, esp as he was quite demanding, but it was a protection living in a `divided household` as i didn`t have to be 100% reliant on the org. Has anyone else in retrospect thought that it has saved them from a lot of problems that occurred in the congs?
Unbelieving husbands- blessing in disguise?
by dido 15 Replies latest jw friends
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TopHat
Sure it was I can you it ...I used my unbelieving husband for excuses for many things I didn't feel like doing...like going to conventions or assemblies.
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Moomin
Yes same as Tophat. I would also know that if I were unconscious and in need of blood then my husband would make sure I had it. This was my secret that I was relieved about as I was so afraid of dying. I never wanted my children to attend the meetings either, even when I still thought it was true. I was relieved that my husband would have said no. But I was concerned about pressure from the other witnesses to inculcate them (I've gone off that word). I believe I would have stopped going eventually if I was single but my husband did make it happen a lot sooner. So yes, thank goodness for unbelieving husbands.
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lonelysheep
Yes...he was my scapegoat out of meetings and conventions. I could always say he was sick and needed me, or that he was giving me a hard time and I tried to keep the peace by staying home...hehehe
I always felt good knowing that if my kids or myself needed blood, then he'd be sure the doctors would give it to any of us! Truly, I never wanted the bloodguilt of letting my kids die over their rule.
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MsMcDucket
My husband did not believe in giving your all for the cause. When the Witnesses wanted me to take my twin babies out in service, he said "hell no". Thank goodness for him! I was so worn out after having those kids that there was no way that I could possibly do this, nor did I want to take them out in field service into other peoples' homes. I use to think that he was making me spiritually weak. Now, I think he was able to see the truth about the truth while I was blind. Although, he did use it to his advantage sometimes. That's another story!
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dido
I wish i had used the situation more to my advantage now, but like a `good little witness` i tried to do everything, to the detriment of my marriage, as i`m sure i wouldn`t be divorced now if it wasn`t for the org. My ex husband did use the it to his advantage, knowing what standards we had to live up to, he milked it, but i must admit i would have put more into my marriage if i wasn`t a jw.It caused so many `divisionss`, in so many ways. Ok there was an advantage that if it came to the crunch he would overide me on the issues of blood etc., but he did turn the kids away from me because of the religion. He ridiculed the jw`s ( i can understand why now) and me for believing it, which made the kids disrespectful. they also blame me for messing their heads up, as i tried to stick to the `rules` as to how to bring them up. Now they say i`ve messed their heads up even more now i`m not a jw, seems like i just can`t win.
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lisavegas420
I think my unbelieving huband might be the reason I never got a shepharding visit...ever. He just looks like the kind of person you wouldn't want on your bad side. He's not like that of course. And the truth is, if I had decided to go back to the meetings, he probably would have went along with it. I don't think he would have ever joined, but he would have been supportive. Thankfully JW's judge people by appearances.
lisa
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Bonnie_Clyde
Two of the nicest "unbelieving" men I know are married to JW's. One is married to my niece. She admitted that she couldn't find any JW boy who was as nice as he was so she married him anyway. Even though she still loves him dearly after 10 years of marriage, she feels guilt-ridden and continually prays that he will accept the "truth." She worries because her husband would like to see his children celebrate birthdays and be normal like other kids. I wonder how their marriage will end up.
Another "unbeliever" is married to a woman who was at one time my best friend. This man is still good friends with my husband. He has gone to all the meetings for 40 years and still isn't baptized. He just can't separate himself from his "worldly" friends. Because he was a hard worker and a savvy investor, he is now worth millions. He still treats her like a queen. I think she appreciates him, sort of, but she wants him to get baptized so badly and be a full-fledged witness, which he will never do. Everyone thinks she is so spiritual because she is out in service so much, auxilliary pioneers (is that the current term?) frequently, and loves to entertain the CO and give him and wife gifts. She is really a lovely woman, and I'd like to be friends again but she is so steeped in the religion. Both of their adult children are disfellowshipped, and "unbelieving" hubby has no problem with fellowshipping with his kids. Mom will talk to them a little bit but feels guilty about it. She has expressed the idea that if only her husband would accept the truth, her kids would come back to Jehovah.
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anewme
Very interesting discussion! I wonder when all the info is collected and in if we dont decide that the unbeliving mate we have derided for so long wasnt the most sane one in the bunch after all!!!
I am now married to what might be called an unbelieving mate (even though I am no longer a witness I bear the mental scars of a JW)
The other day I told him how offended I was at the words of a neighbor who tried to impress her beliefs upon me. He simply said "But remember how many years you yourself imposed your beliefs on others"
True wisdom from someone who must put up with me and my exjw complex angst everday.
I am ever impressed by the wisdom, fairness and spirituality of this man who claims no religious belief at all but the most simplest of faiths in God and nature. -
delilah
Oh you betchya....because of my unbelieving mate, I finally had the courage to walk out and not look back. I always knew, though, that I'd never marry "in the truth"....