Can JW's have friends of the other sex?

by JH 25 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  undercover

  We all know that JW's don't make friends out of their religion, but in the JW religion, can members have close friendship with the other sex?

  The key word here is "close". We all probably had friends of the opposite sex...our best friends sister or brother...a friend's wife or husband...etc, etc. And that wasn't a problem because it was usually in group settings that you ever saw them. At the hall, in service, group "get-togethers".

  But when someone had a "close" friendship with someone of the opposite sex, it raised the eyebrows of everyone in the congregation, because everyone had been conditioned to think that any two people of the opposite sex who spent time together must be an "item". And because there were "rules" about members of the opposite sex being alone, it made it hard to have a "close" friend of the opposite sex. "Close" friends spend time together alone. They talk on the phone, they meet for lunch, they shop together, go to games together, work on projects together, just plain hang out together.

  I agree that it's hard for an opposite sex relationship to remain purely platonic, but it can and does happen from time to time. In those cases when it did happen in the JWs, life became very hard for those friends because of the JW conditioning and WTthink.
• 

  carla

  Would it be acceptable for a married jw (jw male married to a ubm) to be receiving emails from a married (to a MS or maybe elder by now?) woman?
• 

  JH

  Carla, the way I see it, JW's can't have a deep and close friendship with a JW of the opposite sex, unless they are married.

  I'm sure it would be inappropriate for me to send emails to a married sister, or even chat with her. If the elders knew about this, they wouldn't like it.
• 

  carla

  hmmm, very interesting!
• 

  AK - Jeff

  Would it be acceptable for a married jw (jw male married to a ubm) to be receiving emails from a married (to a MS or maybe elder by now?) woman?

  Probably frowned on - using all the facial muscles available for such expression. But more likely to fly, due to the nature of the relationship being digital, not face to face. My experience has been that the dubs do not know how to trust one another in this area. For supposedly the most rightieous people on the planet, they have no confidence in personal integrity. I had a very close female friend - we were both married - we pioneered together and I enjoyed her company. I suppose something 'sexual' could have happened, if the circumstances were right. But both of us were people of integrity, and had no intentions but friendship. Yet, when she needed a friend to lean on [and most of that leaning came with either my wife's approval, or her actual presence], I was told by the elders that it could lead to immorality, and told to desist. I did not desist. It did not lead to immorality. We are no longer friends I suppose - not because I tried to get over on her, but because I left her cult. The dubs clearly think that the little head is in charge in these situations. They have no trust or confidence. Jeff
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  carla

  I don't know really what is in the emails, I think it is probably more of when and who for fs as this ms wife seems really gung ho! However, leaving jewelry in our shared vehicle is a bit over the top for me. On purpose? Who knows, if it was she didn't accomplish what she thought she would as he doesn't know I have the item.
• 

  fullofdoubtnow

  The stance taken by the WTS shows a complete lack of trust in its members in my view.

  That's my view as well I remember being advised by the elders not to spend so much time in the ministry with an unamrried brother, unless we were a "couple", which we weren't. It wasn't as if we went to each other's homes, we just worked together in fs a few times, and the elders clamped down on it.
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  AK - Jeff

  However, leaving jewelry in our shared vehicle is a bit over the top for me. On purpose? Who knows, if it was she didn't accomplish what she thought she would as he doesn't know I have the item.

  Her jewelry? Or gift jewelry?

  Were they in the same car in FS? Or did she find the car an leave it there?

  Jeff
• 

  juni

  I know that there is an article in either the WT or AWAKE that considers this topic. It deals w/platonic relationships. As I remember, it is a no-no.

  As someone else here said - you are guilty in the eyes of others if you do have a close friendship w/the opposite sex - even though you have moral integrity. People like to conclude that something is going on. Quess it keeps the gossip mill running.

  Juni
• 

  daystar

  When I was a JW and for some time after, I didn't think it possible for a man and woman to have a platonic relationship. Now I know that not to be true... technically, though it's still rather rare.

  I have a female friend or two that I've known for years, that are quite attractive, and there is no question of us ever being items (before Brigid even). We can hang out alone, watch films, etc and it's no big deal. An example, for a while I lived with one of them and would frequently see her walk around the house in just her underwear and a t-shirt (she was a topless dancer as well). And sure, I have no problem admitting that I'd check her out. I'd even tell her so. But, we were friends. And as friends, we loved each other. And we knew each other well enough to know that we were not a match. So, it can happen.

  And I know this is an extreme example. But the problem I see with the way the WBTS presents it is that we are slaves to our animal instincts, that we are innately weak and will give in, every time, when presented with an opportunity. If this is so, it is only so because the WBTS structure keeps its constituents weak-willed and child-like, not developing them into strong individuals, able to resist such a temptation.

  They speak a lot of self-discipline, but have no idea what that really means. Self-discipline comes from within, hence the self, rather than from some bureaucratic authority from without.