I made contact after 15+ years

by Jourles 15 Replies latest jw experiences

  • Jourles

    I finally made contact with an exjw sister that I knew while growing up. She was one of the first people that I remember that da'd or was df'd. Let me explain...

    When I was young(pre-teen to late teens), my family met at her parents house for book study. Her family was always considered one of the more "spiritual" families in the hall, if not the entire surrounding area. I made mention in a fairly recent post of mine that one of her brothers studied with me and was also known in the hall as "The Walking Aid Book." They were one of the nicest families you could ever have known.

    Anyways, one day out of the blue I found out that this sister(I'll use her first initial, "S") had left the organization. At the time she was married but still lived in the San Diego area. I don't remember exactly if she was df'd or if she da'd herself. I don't recall her being df'd, so I assume she da'd. The rumor was that she committed "apostacy." When I asked her brother why she left, even he mumbled something about "apostacy" and didn't really want to talk about it. My mother also said something about apostacy in passing one day regarding S. I was young. Why shouldn't I believe both my mother and this ex-sister's brother and the rest of the congregation?

    So I made contact. I was browsing through Randy's list of exjw's and came across her (maiden)name. I tried both email addresses in the past, but neither worked. Since she used the same alias for both addresses, I again tried searching that alias and found her posting on a board for animals. I noticed that her last posts were from just a couple of months ago so I decided to take a shot and sign up on the board to send her a member-to-member email. It worked. She emailed me back.

    Now this is where I feel like I've been duped. For years I believed that she turned apostate and simply left her husband for another guy. I knew her ex husband quite well for many years and even reunited again with him after several years in Denver. It turned out that he was in the same kingdom hall as me, but in the other congregation. Very small world. As it turns out, he slept with his secretary. That is why she left. Not for apostacy, not for another guy, but for infidelity on the part of her ex husband. I can't believe this rumor lasted as long as it did. Insane.

    I'm waiting for her to call me so we can catch up. I don't know if she ever found her way to this board in the past, but I will be sure to tell her to drop on in. I hope everyone welcomes her with open arms. As far as I know, her family has completely disowned her too. She still lives in the San Diego area so maybe we could get her to show up for a meetup one day.

    I hope to see you here S. It's been a long time.


  • fullofdoubtnow

    Good for you Jourles. I sometimes wonder if I will come across someone I knew years ago who left the wts on a board like this.

    I hope everyone welcomes her with open arms.

    You can be absolutely certain of that if she does join, and I hope she does.


  • Juniper123

    This is like what I always heard about ones who had left, that they were now broke, preganant, drug addicts, living in hell holes. Only to find out they were happy, married, and getting on with their lives.

  • candidlynuts

    i giggle at the gossip i hear about myself.. i WISH i was having that much fun!

    how neat that you were able to find her jourles!

  • lisavegas420

    Welllll....ain't you special? Hope she makes it here.

    I've always wondered what the rumor mills had to say about me. Maybe someday I'll find out.


  • Jourles

    And just so everyone knows, we were not in the same age range. She wasn't an old crush or anything like that. I believe, based on my faulty memory and a number included in her email alias, that she is ~48 years old(she might kill me for posting that!).

    Oh, and she emailed me back again with a bunch of !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!'s indicating excitement that I found her. I guess that means she doesn't care that I'm df'd. She's gonna call later tonight. I can't wait to catch up!

  • willyloman
    This is like what I always heard about ones who had left, that they were now broke, preganant, drug addicts, living in hell holes. Only to find out they were happy, married, and getting on with their lives.

    Yes, it's amazing how quickly they jump to the worst possible conclusion, almost as if they were programmed to do so! Oh, wait, they ARE programmed. I heard this kind of stuff all my dub life, then I met a woman who supposedly committed fornication and had to be DF'd and was no "living in sin." At least, that's what I'd been told by several dubs.

    It turned out her dub husband used to beat her regularly but she stayed in the marriage so as not to bring "reproach on Jehovah" and finally, with the help of her (wordly) family, she escaped and started putting her life together. Now, some years later, she was happily married to a gentle man (handsome, too), was running her own very VERY successful business, drove a Mercedes, had lots of friends, and was clearly happy as a clam.

    Boy, was I confused!

  • BrendaCloutier

    ((( Jourles ))) That is sooooooo KEWL! Enjoy it!

  • bebu

    Looking forward to seeing S post, if she is willing. How cool to re-connect. How galling that she was maligned like that.


  • gadfly

    Hi -- I'm the person Jourles is referring to -- I don't mind using my own name, but maybe I shouldn't? So for now , until someone tells me otherwise (and even though he referred to me as "S"), I will refer to myself as Gadfly.

    I certainly DON'T care if you're df'd, Jourles -- I am completely and utterly happy about it!!!

    Talking to Jourles was a blast -- I was so excited and happy to make a connection with someone from my past -- it was like spending time with family. I am so proud of his stand, and the journey he took to get there. Good job, Jourles!!!

    And I am 48, Jourles, you rat. Just kidding -- I love who I am AND how old I am now that I am no longer part of the Borg -- and whaddya you mean, I'm NOT an old crush? You mean you didn't lust after me when I was your baby sitter? You probably don't even remember me baby-sitting; you were pretty little. In fact, I can't imagine you as a grown-up guy -- you were maybe 16 or 17 the last time I saw you?

    It was fun remembering people and catching up on things, but sad, too. Melancholy. Talking about my 30 years in Watchtower servitude always makes me miss my family (and remember the way they treated me throughout the disfellowshipping process) and friends. Especially since I went out with such a bang and have since heard hellacious (sp?) rumors about what I had supposedly done,many of them fabricated and spread by my very own family. Apostasy is a new one, and it makes me especially angry. You'd think that after 30 years, those people would know me better than to suspect or spread that one; however, when my logic brain clicks in, I can see how unreasonable that is to expect. After all, these are the same people that pick each other apart over everything from attending unnapproved movies to having a beard or mustache. It seems that the minute you are da'd or df'd (and in my case I was df-d, and under very suspicious circumstances) you are fair game for wagging tongues.

    Yup. One of my favorite scriptures used to be the one about gossip -- you know, how it lists gossipers with fornicators, liars, and men who "lie-with-men"? Galations something? ((I am sooooooo happy that I know longer quote and cite that scripture)) I just think -- there go those murdering tongues again, having their way with their "the truth." Ironic, is it not? Being gay is a sin, but ignore what the bible really says --gossiping is perfectly acceptable!

    I am not one of those ex-witnesses that goes a little crazy from the oppression after they are cast out. I didn't start taking drugs, drinking alot, join a fundamental religion, or become a porn star (hmmm.... I wonder if there's still time for that one? again JUST KIDDING). I just stayed myself. Jourles said the same thing -- he's just himself. I tried to tell my brothers that, but they weren't having any of it. And to tell the truth (no pun intended), I am SOOOOOOO glad that I was ousted cuz it gave me back my life. Had I not been tossed out on my sad little hiney, I would have stayed Borg-ridden forever out of fear of the future or love for my family . But I would never have become apostate . . . even though I guess I am a serious apostate now!

    Yes -- I proclaim "the truth" to be a sad pack of lies. I am still recovering from the damage done to me in that org. But I count myself lucky and am GRATEFUL for every second I spend out of it.

    Sorry -- this was long winded, but I was seriously affected by talking with Jourles. And grateful. Looking back makes me realize how wonderful today is. These days, I love my life!!! THANK YOU Jourles, for finding me!!!

    Looking forward to meeting and sharing stories and support,

    The Gadfly

Share this