Were you afraid of what they thought about you in the Kingdom Hall?

by The wanderer 25 Replies latest jw friends

  • Quandry

    Yes, Yes, Yes.

    I was in for over thirty years. Over twenty years my husband was an elder. Everything I said, did, ate, wore, bought, drove, or looked at had to be approved by the WTS. When my daughter was a baby, never did she wear anything but a dress to the hall. No bathroom trips unless a dire emergency for any of us. Everything I wore must be an example--nothing flashy--must look like the sisters in the magazine. Oh my, did I speak too loudly at the Hall? I didn't want to attract attention to myself. Never owned anything like a boat and rarely ever went out of town lest we miss service and leave a bad example for others.

    Must have the magazine underlined-how would it look if there were no straight ink lines under the answers? Must do everything perfectly or get ulcers trying. No to education. No to two door cars. Must clean house, make nice meals, clean car, iron shirts, smile at everyone, answer at least once at the meeting. Clean the bathrooms. Be early and stay late at meetings. Sit up front. Speak to new ones. Remember the old ones. Please don't make me go on, I'm exhausted just thinking about it.

    What did all of it get me? I'm not even df'd but just not attending. The elders that we personally knew tried for hours to force a confession of fornication out of my teenage daughter, called her a liar when she would not "admit it" because she didn't do it, treated her like a piece of worthless crap, (and told her she was, and that she would burn in the fire with the devil and his angels) treated us the same, and no one wants to have anything to do with us.

    Do I defer to others on the board? You betcha. Still can't shake the WT mode completely. Can't take the heat.

    I'll bet many psychiatrists would salivate to get us as patients.

  • restrangled

    Dear Quandry,

    You are my mom personified. She struggled with 3 kids to keep up as you did. I'm not saying you did the following but I do know you were under extreme pressure to do so.

    My mom kept a perfect home, husband taken care of and fed (an unhappy elder) , every publication underlined, kids perfectly dressed, her self spending untold hours in curlers and meaner than snake while doing so to be presentable at the meetings. (she admitted in later years to having a very foul mouth in her frustration)

    Our yard, and garage had to be perfect, cars clean, etc.

    Also as small children we had to have underlined publications, ready to answer at any meeting. I can remember having to answer the number 144,000 during a meeting. I was called on with a microphone in my face. The pressure was on and I was panicked. For the life of me I could not remember the word thousand. I had to turn around several times to my mother and she would tell me the word and all I could remember as I turned back was a hundred or a billion or ten but never one thousand. I was so small I was still trying to break thumb sucking. I never did get it right and the kh was up for grabs laughing at me. ...No wonder I still smoke......

    The damage done by this religion is incredible.



    Wanderer,as you have probably already figured out,nobody tells me how to think or act..LOL!!..Now think of OUTLAW as a dub kid..I was the topic of conversation..I loved it..LOL!!...OUTLAW

  • anewme

    I'd say it was a terrible preoccupation for me to fear what others thought of me. After I left I gradually calmed down about that and realized it was not healthy to be like that nor is it spiritual. Now I get to mind my own business just like the Bible says to do!

  • aSphereisnotaCircle

    I was so small I was still trying to break thumb sucking. I never did get it right and the kh was up for grabs laughing at me.

    As a child, I hated it when the congo would laugh after I made a comment.

    Can you imagine everyone doing that condescending little chuckle after an adult made a comment? No, of course not, because it's rude as hell.

    But apparently, JW's don't think it's rude to laugh at children's comments.

    but to answer the original question, yeah, I worried what others thought, being a JW means it's all about appearances. It's important that you look and act a certain way.

    If you can act the right way, you will have many "privledges".

    Who you are as a person is unimportant

  • jaguarbass

    When you want to belong you compromise to fit in. When you dont care anymore then you leave. I think thats human nature.

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