Dating a JW for 2 years, his parents just found out.....pending drama...

by Kog 18 Replies latest social relationships

  • sass_my_frass

    Wow, congratulations on having your own brain! You clearly know the game here. I think you'll know what to do when you see what he does. You may or may not understand the hell he's going through now, but if he comes out of it on your side, keep him. I say this as somebody who had her husband hang in there for her while she went through roughly the same thing. To be honest I don't know how he did it, because it cost him three years of pain.

    Anyway... work out what you want and how much you want to pay for it, and stick with that deal you make yourself. The good stuff in life does cost a lot, and it's worth it. Are you getting a good deal with him? Just be honest with yourself, and you'll be know what to do.

  • Nathan Natas
    Nathan Natas

    Kog said,

    I have been keeping an online journal for the past 4 years, I've kept it public so the friends that down own accounts can read my entries. Only people close to me knew the URL. until now. Apparently some JWs were snooping around and found my journal and read through it.

    If you keep your journal on display in the town square, people who read it are not "snooping." J's friends and family should not be faulted for their normal interest in protecting him from what they might think is a threat: a "worldly girl."

    The idea of a secret romance is appealing, isn't it?

    What if he wanted to have a "secret" romance because he knew his family would not think you were good enough for them? What if his family were a bunch of religious fanatics who put their relationship with their imaginary pal before human relationships? Do you want your children to inherit this madness?

    Is this the sort of relationship you've imagined for yourself? Is this the best you can do? Don't you deserve an honest relationship without "terms and conditions" and insanity?

    Leave this man-child mama's boy before it is too late.

  • Wordly Andre
    Wordly Andre

    Wow can't you really feel the love and support of the JW's I mean they are so happy you both found each other that they want to destroy it, and the spy's who watch and report back to Elder daddy, I mean what a great thing to do, since you have nothing going on in your own life you need to cause drama in someone else's MAN I miss going to kingdumb hall.

  • Honesty

    Do you think the JW's are trying to micromanage yours and "J's" life?

  • parakeet

    *** He is willing to give up being a witness for me***

    If he gives up his religion, it should be because he doesn't believe it any more, not because he is willing to sacrifice his beliefs for you. It sounds romantic, but by "sacrificing" his beliefs, he is evading his responsibility by shifting it onto you. You become the reason for the sacrifice, and if the relationship doesn't go well, you get the blame for it as well.

    This whole situation is not a recipe for long-term success as a couple. Your boyfriend still has a lot of growing up to do, and the first thing he needs to decide is what HE wants to do about continuing with the JWs. Once that mess is sorted out, then and only then should you and he decide what's best for your relationship.

    Good luck.

  • magoo


    ...................21 & can't make his own decisions concerning his life coarse? a little growing up, maturing as an "adult" might be in the cards. hope what ever the out come, it is a " happy ending"


  • Andie
    I would highly, highly recommend for your sake that you don't let anyone make such a decision "for you". And I'll tell you why. If he doesn't make the decision for himself, then it's very possible that he could resent you for it later. What if things don't work out later? "I gave up my life for you!" he could say. If he makes such a huge, life-changing decision for you, as he says, might it some day seem like you owe him?

    Wow, this was so well said and so very very TRUE!!

    I am the wife of a man who was raised JW. Although he does not practice at the time he still believes the WTS teachings. My situation was similar at your age. I met this man when I was only 18 years old (now 31) I was just a kid, a month out of high school. I felt the same exact way as you do, I COULD NOT EVEN THINK about breaking up no matter how many times we would disagree about this subject. I loved him so much and still do. Eight years after we met in 1993 we decided to agree to disagree and get married. Today we hardly talk about it anymore. I can't say this is a good approach it is still very hard for me but we love eachother and have been best friends for a very long while. I hope you take the above quote to heart and realize the man you love has to make this type of decision for himself. I would strongly recommend the book "Reasoning from the Scriptures with JW's" by Ron Rhodes. This book is very good and gives a ton of questions for all JW's. It is very easy to understand as well and helpful to the person on the other side that is not a witness. Good luck with this from my experience your relationship with him can work but it is a constant struggle.

    So be careful and make sure you don't let him leave that family just to be with you. Make sure he does it because that organization's teachings are a FALSE LIE!

  • 144001
    I don't know what to do. I know that a lot of the advice will be for us to break up, but it breaks my heart just thinking about it. Is there any compromise? What will happen now? Will we be able to rehide the relationship until he moves out?

    Run, girl. Run as fast as you can away from this man and the Watchtower cult. Whatever emotional pain you experience as a result will be short-lived; but staying with this guy and dealing with the religious issues is gauranteed to be a lifetime of misery.

    FYI, Jehovah's Witnesses have a rate of mental illness reputed to be at least 4 times that of the general public (source: "Jehovahs Witnesses and the Problem of Mental Illness," Dr. Jerry Bergman (1992)). I'd be willing to bet that the guy you speak of has mental issues that will also be a source of problems for you. Don't walk, girl. Run. Run like hell. Run if you ever want to be happy in your life.

  • Rabbit

    See how Happy Jehovah's Witnesses are ?

    If you study, go to meetings and get baptized...YOU too can be just like them ! Happy, happy, happy...!


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