can a jehovahs witness marry a divorced non-witness?

by luffy 21 Replies latest social relationships

• 

  luffy

  plz plz plz will somebody give me a clear cut answer, I know the problems involved but is it possible "legally" or as far as witnesses allow?
• 

  blondie

  A JW can only remarry if their own divorce is considered a scriptural one by the elders in their congregation.

  Then, they are strongly encouraged only to marry another JW who if once married is also scripturally divorced in the opinion of the elders.

  JWs who marry non-JWs (even if never married or divorced or divorced "scripturally" per the WTS) are "marked" and considered bad association for other JWs.

  Blondie
• 

  Lady Lee

  my baptized mother married a man who was divorced and never a JW. The elders couldn't have cared less about the terms of his divorce.

  But she was marked because she married a non-JW
• 

  GoingGoingGone

  Welcome luffy!

  Short answer: Yes.

  Long answer: JWs are only supposed to marry 'In the Lord', meaning that they are only supposed to marry other JWs. When we say that a JW is allowed to marry a non-JW, it means that he/she can do so without being disfellowshipped for it.

  The divorced non-JW has to be 'scripturally free to marry', though. That means that one of the marriage mates had sex with someone else either before the divorce or after. (yeah, I know, very strange).... If that has happened, then the non-JW divorced person is considered 'free to marry', and a JW can marry them without being DF'd. Don't expect any JWs to attend the wedding, though.

  Hope that helps.

  GGG

  Edited to add: Oops, I guess I type slower than Blondie and Lady Lee!
• 

  blondie

  Nowadays the elders are more concerned about the marital status of the non-JW as well. I know of JWs who have been disfellowshipped (formally kicked out of the congregation and shunned) for marrying a non-JW who divorced for reasons other than adultery.
• 

  OnTheWayOut

  IN MOST CASES, this person will no longer be a good example in the congregation. Privileges will come down to staying on the Theocratic Ministry School and commenting (also cleaning the hall would be permissible, if you call that a privilege). Lost would be the privilege to pioneer (reg or aux), to give an experience or be used in a demonstration, for brothers- no further use in the Kingdom Hall (mics, reader, prayers, etc.)

  HOWEVER, the body of elders might investigate whether the two people are "free to marry." The non-witness, what's the story? Is the divorce from adultery or can it clearly be shown that their mate has rejected them since the divorce (remarried or is definitely shacking up)? It's not enough that the non-witness rejected his or her mate. The former mate had to reject him or her>

  That said, they could go after you, anyway, even if these things are in order. If you want to go thru with such a marriage and remain a JW, you should tell the elders little about the person. (Don't mention a previous marriage to them, if possible.) Lie if they must know something. If they already know, lie (or exaggerate) about the circumstances that led to divorce. Tell them that were it necessary, proof could be shown that the former mate rejected your spouse and is sleeping around.

  A sister in our hall married an unbeliever and they tried to open this can of worms. She moved to a different hall before that could happen, and the new body of elders is doing nothing about it. You could do that also. Use the excuse that you moved right after the wedding or have a different schedule making other meetings better.
• 

  luffy

  Thanks guys..its actually him who is planning on being baptised and me the non witness divorcee..cant see marriage ever happening but its good to know that its possible albeit difficult!!!
• 

  OnTheWayOut

  If you want to marry an unbaptized man, you can force the issue before baptism. It sounds like you all are not at this stage, but I would say

  1) Run from this man as fast as possible if he doesn't stop studying.

  If you cannot tear yourself away:

  2) tell him to marry you now, before he's not "allowed" to do so.
• 

  luffy

  thanks "on the way out"..I just read your profile and guess you are in a better position than most to advise..I guess the bottom line is that Im trying to deal with an impossible situation..I think however painful, my best bet is to leave him in the hope that one day he will realise he made the wrong choice.I sure dont wish this on anyone!!!!..the saying goes "if you cant beat them join them"..I think this is a case of "you cant beat them so leave"
• 

  OnTheWayOut

  Wise choice:

  my best bet is to leave him in the hope that one day he will realise he made the wrong choice

  If he never comes out, then he would feel obligated to drag you in. Miserable.

  If he marries another, it's his loss.

  If he comes out, finds true love with you, what a great story of true love.

  Keep in contact with him for now, it'll pressure him to stay away from JW when they tell him that you are bad association.

  In other words, he hasn't been taken by the dark side yet. Run away if he keeps studying, but drop him a line or card as a friend.