Letter from a family member: is there even a point?

by under_believer 25 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  fullofdoubtnow

  I personally think I'd drop it, for now at least, but try to stay friends. We'd all like to get our close friends out of the org, but to do that they need to make the first move. They need to do or say something that gives you the idea they are having doubts, and this person sounds fully committed to me.

  Whatever you decide to do, good luck. If you do have your discussion, you never know, something may gell with them, but I wouldn't put your friendship at risk by being too negative about the wts, however you personally feel.
• 

  mama1119

  Beware Of Apostates. They WILL bite!
• 

  greendawn

  It's true that for some people it is better to remain in the org since they settled there nicely and don't seem to perceive or care about the many faults in the org. They can argue that all orgs have their faults anyway. They may have family there or a social circle and get on well.

  Whereas others can't stand being deceived or used by an outside agent.
• 

  parakeet

  ***If you sincerely have concerns and your intent is to have those concerns cleared up; well and good.***
  
  Translation: "Only those concerns that can be addressed within the context of JW belief will be tolerated. All others (however logical) should be kept to yourself."
  
  Your friend's statement says it all to me. He/she only wants to talk about concerns that don't rock the JW boat (like, will my hair be a different color in the new world?). I don't know how adamant your friend is about this statement -- only you can decide that.
• 

  xjwms

  Each one of us who post here...

  has met up with much PAIN from from the org.

  and until some-one feels that, ..... they will continue to be brain-washed, .. and think they're right.

  Thats how I was, ... you were too ....Right?
• 

  nelly136

  i look on the couple of relatives i have minimal contact with (as and when i'm needed for family reasons) as institutionalised, theyve been told what to think and do for so long any attempt to break their comfort zone would just be cruel now.

  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Institutionalization
• 

  Sirona

  It seems that most are advising you to drop it and safeguard your friendship.

  I'd like to suggest that you consider the following. If you were the active JW, you'd have likely responded in a similar fashion. You'd have felt threatened. After all, the society says that apostate thinking is designed to tear down your faith.

  This is all about approach. If you approach it in the correct way, you will not lose the communication. Simply say that you certainly will accept this persons faith and opinions, and you will never use "apostate" sources, rather you will use the society's literature and the bible as the basis for your questions. Make sure that everything you say is something they can check in the bible or the society's literature, and don't use the UN or other "worldly" examples...at least not for a long time.

  If I was the active JW and you helped me see sense I'd thank you for it afterwards, a hundred times over.

  Close down communication on this issue and you run the risk of this person never getting the information that he/she may need to change their life for the better. Continue the communication and you run the risk of losing the friendship...if you do things too agressively. Its a difficult choice but I know which one I'd take.

  Overall, I wouldn't want a friend who censored me.

  Sirona
• 

  daystar

  Hmmm... I say go for it. But, the person has already prepared themselves if you say anything truly negative about the Org, whether true or not. Note that if you do make such claims, it's your fault for trying "to tear down what really makes me who I am". In other words, they don't want to hear things you'll likely say to them.

  However, if you can plant a seed, however small it may be, I say it's worth it. Use JW publications, the NWT, standard operating procedure for this sort of thing. If you can widen a crack, you may be able to free up their mind a bit and move on.

  Others here have experience with this sort of thing moreso than I do. But my point is, if you care for this person, and truly believe the WTBS is not a good thing to be involved with, isn't it your duty to try anyway? You may lose a friend in the short run, but in the long run, they may actually get out of that high control sect and be thanking you immensely later.
• 

  OnTheWayOut

  Could you go from it with the angle of - I thought you & I communicated so well that you of all people would be able to clear up a few things for me. It's only a discussion, I'm not 'attacking' anything, only asking a few questions. For instance, I was always taught xxxx, but looking into it closer I have found yyyyyy, and yyyyyy and yyyyy. What do you think about that? (if you include wt quotes it may cut down on their cut & paste)

  I almost ditto this response from Carla, but others make a good point. You don't want this person seeing you as an attack dog, tearing down, sent by Satan. Perhaps you could say "You and I communicate so well, I really want your help." then back off a bit. Just mention things here and there, don't try to always appear overbearing. Then the communication line will stay up.
• 

  under_believer

  I'm going to try the "soft touch" approach. I will try and plant seeds, but avoid anything that could be characterized as an attack. There was a recent elder injustice done to this person's immediate family, so I may be able to gently exploit that.
  At the end of the day I just don't think I could live with myself if I didn't do SOMETHING.
  Thank you all for your feedback, it was very helpful.