If you DA yourself are you giving in to the GB?

by bronzefist 40 Replies latest jw friends

  • bronzefist

    Little Drummer Boy wrote:

    I would also add that for me it is a way to get them to JUST LEAVE ME ALONE! I don't want them to just randomly show up at my house anymore trying to get me back to meetings, or trying to share a scripture with me, or even worse some crap from the literature.

    Things might be different in different locations after all. When I was an MS (5 years) I know the elders would make calls ( very rarely) to the Do Not Call ons. They were suppose to call on them every 6 months to see if they felt the same or moved. From my experience they only called on those DA'd or DF'd when they were asked to call. I could be wrong but I thought they marked the doorposts of those "dangerous" ones with "goats" blood. Their thinking was if they want to be re-instated let them come to the meetings. My daughter has been DF'd for years and has never worried about getting contacted by the elders. They have never showed up.

  • sass_my_frass

    This comes up a lot, and from what I can tell there are as many reasons as there are people who have done it. Seems to come down to this though: who has control, who wants responsibility for the repercussions and whether they want closure. Frankly though I don't think it matters how or why somebody becomes 'no longer one of Jehovah's Witnesses', it's going to hurt them equally whether they DA or are DFd.

  • willyloman

    I used to argue against DAing oneself on those grounds, that it recognized they had some power over you. I won't do it for exactly that reason. I don't belong to their organization anymore and their rules don't apply to me. Since then, I've come to realize everyone's circumstances are different and you have to make the call yourself.

    Since they changed the announcement ("...no longer one of...") it doesn't seem to make as much difference as it did back in the day when a DA announcement was judged to be more serious (by the audience) that a DF announcement. When they hear DF, the average dub thinks "weak." When they hear DA, they think "evil apostate."

    Now, absent that kind of artificial guidance thanks to a neutral one size fits all announcement, they probably think the worst. So it probably doesn't matter how you exit, from the standpoint of what the dubs at your old hall will think. It only matters what you think.

  • Moomin

    I didn't want to play by their rules either but I was getting harrassed with inane text messages and emails. They would never call the house phone in case my husband answered.

    I got a new mobile and blocked their emails. Next came a letter through the door. It was from an elderly lady in my congregation, I didn't know her to speak to. She was famous for being the sister who gets beaten up by her u\b husband but still makes all the meetings and fs.

    She told me that when receiving opposition from family members that I should trust in Jehovah and continue to attend meetings. I was furious. How dare they go to all that trouble and they weren't even correct. How dare they assume it was my husband's opposition that stopped me from going.

    I was so angry, I wanted to write back and tell her what I thought but she hadn't left an address or any contact details. I thought that was so rude, especially being as I don't know how she got my address. All she said was she'll talk to me at the meetings!

    I imagined them all milling around each other at the meetings, planning and handing out my details, gossiping about what they they think the reasons are, jumping to the wrong conclusions.

    So thats why I da'd so they would just leave me alone. Sorry for ranting :)

  • avengers
    I don't know about anybody else, but I am not going to validate their sense of authority over me with even the acknowledgement of a resignation. Thats just me. Forscher

    That's the way I look at it too. They have no authority over me. DF or DA has no value in my eyes. Andy

  • bronzefist

    Thanks for your replies.

    I was just thinking how when I came "in" they TOLD me I had to go to my old religion WITH A LETTER telling them I no longer wanted to be a part of their organization.When I did this that church looked at me like I was insane...ONLY because it was an asinine thing to do. Who else reqires this????? IT was an obey...obey....obey before we let you play with us.

    Now they are TELLING you to write a letter DAing yourself BEFORE we acknowledge that you are no longer one of us. Don't you give them the authority to cut you off from family and friends? F&F might not talk to you because you just walk away, but still it's their personal choice to be aholes. Why put yourself on the guillotine and then say "wait a minute let ME drop the blade to cut my head off"?

  • AuldSoul


    In my case, DA-ing completely freed me of concern over what anyone saw me doing. I don't wonder who is going to see me entering a church, or buying a birthday cake or card, collecting Christmas gifts, etc. and I don't ever wonder if I will be disfellowshipped and be cut off by family and friends.

    For me, it was like ripping the adhesive bandage off really fast. I didn't want to have my large extended family prying into my affairs through my wife anymore. I wanted them to individually choose whether they would or would not talk to me after I left their cult. I wanted to release the pressure valves my actively JW wife was living with, I didn't feel it was fair to her for me to add stress to her life.

    I think all of these are valid reasons. I willingly submitted to the authority of the Governing Body of Jehovah's Witnesses at baptism, and I did so publicly. I recanted that decision publicly, as well.


  • juni

    Hi Bronzefist!

    Good Topic. I had never thought of it in this way before. I found it interesting to read the different replies. Everyone here did it "their way" according to how they felt it would best benefit themselves. That being the case what ever decision a person makes they are not "giving in" to the GB.



  • blondie

    The important thing is not to judge people's motives whether they DA or not. Each person knows what works for them. It may be that people initially "fade" and as circumstances develop find it is beneficial for them to DA themselves.

    But remember if you want to let JWs know publicly that you have DA'd, beyond the elders, it might be better to send a letter to these people. As has been stated, the announcement from the platform no longer differentiates whether the person was df'd or whether they da'd. And there certainly is no discussion of why they did so. If you do send a DA letter to your friends, try to keep it brief but comprehensive about what you feel since I doubt that they will read anything longer than a 2-page letter (business model).

    Blondie (faded but prepared with a DA letter)

  • shera

    Yeh,it is.

    Sometimes I regret,playing by their rules,but I knew at the time,that was the only way to get them to leave me alone.If I only knew the things that I know now.I would have been stronger and it would have been easier for me to tell them what I think.

    Its been around 13 yrs for me now,I don't care at all what they think,I don't even label myself.Just another part of my life,that I have lived and learned from.

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