Exit Plan

by choosing life 18 Replies latest jw friends

  • moshe

    I converted to Judaism and as such I could tell any JW I meet that they are the "apostate" ones, not me. But, such has never happened and I just live and let live for the most part. I wish JWs would do the same when members decide it's not for them anymore. It's just like school kids bullying someone who has the temerity to quit their club or clique.

  • Undecided

    My JW wife divorced me and did the adultry thing later to free me to remarry. I married a worldly woman and everyone blamed her for my fading. That was 32 years ago. I can still talk to the JWs and the few in the family still JWs. My brother left the borg and was D'fed and we have become truly brothers after that. It is truly great not to have the "truth" as a controlling force in our lives.

    Ken P.

  • Dansk
    Is it better to fade or just move on with your life? I have been fading for over a year because most of my close family is still in.

    This is a difficult question in as much that it varies from person to person. You mentioned you are in poor health and most of your family are still in. In your case, therefore, I'd be tempted to do nothing at all and to just continue as you are. If you were to let people know you don't believe it's the "truth" anymore you could end up getting DF'd - and end up losing your precious family. If your health deteriorated further you might have to depend on them, but would they be keen to help a disfellowshipped one? I don't think so!!

    You CAN do the fade and still get on with your life. I know someone who has done that for over 20 years. He has never been DF'd or DA'd and is still thought of as a brother - even though he never goes to meetings. The fact is his family is still in so the elders tend to leave him alone, with just the rare visit.

    To show you what can happen if you openly want to air your views please read my story: http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/9/47295/1.ashx

    Think long and hard. You will probably find you don't need to do anything. Like others here, I feel your husband could do with a character change. He has no right to put you down!

    Best wishes,


  • blondie

    Confession, I am probably where you are, 5 years of "JW inactivity." The difference is my husband is also out, inactive, no longer counted as a JW. We have not DA'd nor do we want the label of DF'd. We still have contact with a few JWs and we would like to keep the communication lines open.

    I don't feel I have to join a church or group of people to worship. It is a challenge to set your own schedule. I do have interesting conversations with some people online regarding their beliefs and it has led me to see that they don't fit in with mine. My husband and I also have some good discussions as well. Do you have one or two friends that would like to get together and discuss, not trying to convert each other? That has some inherent dangers too if someone found out and reported you to the elders (would your husband do that?)

    In the end why turnover your spiritual responsibilities to any group or individual?

    Love, Blondie

  • sspo

    It is definetely your decision,as seen on this board we all have a personal view on this.

    My wife just turned me in for apostasy and divorced after 27 years for "spiritual endangerment".

    Since i was an elder before for 21 years i was able to play the game with the elders and not get DF and don't want to DA or DF.

    I have kids in the Organ. and don't want to lose them thru my DF, eventually in due time i will fade.

    That's what i think will be best for me .

    Are you willing maybe to lose your husband and your 3 children if you DA or DF considering your situation with poor health? Personally a fade is always best but again it is only an opinion.

    Did your husband check some "apostate sites" .........does he know the history of the Organ.?

  • Quandry

    “One thing I know: The only ones among you who will be really happy are those who will have sought and found how to serve.”

    -- Albert Schweitzer

    I feel for you. I also have faded and do not intend to da myself. I might say, though, that I am waiting to be df'd because of an ongoing disagreement with the Society. They feel that my husband and I should be "friends" with elders that made my teenage daughter read the scripture about herself from Rev. 21 that she was "filth in God's eyes" and would be "in the lake of fire with the devil and his angels" and then disfellowshipped her. I would say that the charge will be causing divisions.

    However, now, at this time, I am going back to college, even though I must work full time. I am determined to make my life have meaning.

    You must realize the important contributions that you can make to your family and to society as a whole.

    You must never succumb to the thought that because you do not choose to go to a building that you do not worship God.

    You do not say that you are violating any scriptural laws, just that you do not want to attend the meetings.

    “Risk more than others think is safe.

    Care more than others think is wise.

    Dream more than others think is practical.

    Expect more than others think is possible.”

    --Claude T. Bissell

    Strive to be happy. You deserve to be. Find a work that makes life better for others, whether it is paid or volunteer.

    You do not really owe anyone extensive reasons for not going to all the meetings. Just say thank you for your interest in me, and leave it at that. Perhaps to pacify the family you could go on occasion. Let others see the good works you are doing, and the happiness it brings you.

    Hope things turn out well.

    Please do not beat yourself up over this. In time it gets better. I know it has for my husband and I.

  • BizzyBee
    But he taunts me with the fact that I can't find "anything better."

    Choosing: It is amazing how consistently this weak, last-ditch "anything better" argument appears among those who are frightened underneath that there actually is a whole lot "better" out there than the lock-step mind-set of Dubland. You do not have to demonstrate what is out there that is better - but given time, you will. Don't be intimidated - that is the power trip here - just quietly go about what you need to do for yourself.

  • jaguarbass

    Is it better to fade or just move on with your life? Why cant you do both. It sounds like you got the fading part down. Now just move on. And I agree totally, dont play by their rules, dont meet with them, the elders, dont talk with them, dont answer your door. You dont owe those jerks anything. In time they will forget about you. Thats what they did with me. I never got disfellowshipped, which is more of a consideration for my wife as she comes from a large Itallian family which is 50% witnesses and 50% not so my wife and I can still socialize with the family when she wants to. I walked away in 83 and her witness family never brings it up anymore, and they will talk to me. Of course they are shallow people so as I said my associating with them is just a consideration for my wife. Probally more a typical inlaw type deal that takes place in all families.Good luck.

  • moshe

    I never considered fading- wouldn't have worked for me anyway, as I am too outspoken. Know thyself grasshpper and choose wisely.

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