I couldn't believe what I heard

snarf

I posted last week about wanting ideas to bring up for a visit from my old teacher and her Elder husband. The visit went awesome, they only managed to stay for 3 1/2 hours then made up a lame excuse and bolted out of here as fast as they could. I am very grateful for the responses I recieved, although we never made it to those issues, I didn't get a chance. I was never baptised, but when I was studying, my husband at the time was cheating on me and I was unable to prove it although I brought them ALOT of proof. I asked them, had I been baptised, what would have happened to me if I decided to take the same path as I did by leaving the Org. They tried to ping-pong the issue by saying I wasn't so no action could be taken. Being aware of that fact, I again redirected them to the question at hand, but what if I had been baptised. The Elder then proceeded to empathise with my situation back then, and beings I was under great stress, if I had gone out drinking, got drunk, had a one-night stand, but was repentant and came forward right away, nothing but a good talking to would have happened and I would have then been scriptually free from the marriage as I would have commited adultery. I asked what would have happened had I did what I did, which was meeting my fiance and respecting myself and him as well by waiting for "relations" until I felt ready, which wasn't for about 6 months after we met, but I don't feel repentant over it, and I continue on with the relationship? He said, well, then I would have been disfellowshipped.

So, they were telling me that a one night stand is more forgiveable in the eyes of Jehovah than a long term respectable relationship resulting in marriage.

Am I way off here or is this really stupid thinking on their part?

I did manage to get alot of closeure from this meeting and I don't think they will ever return. I played nice and told them we would love to have them over to our house some night to grill out some steaks and hang out, but they said since I am not in the Org., that was out of the question, I actually felt kinda sorry for them.

grey matters

Way to go! Good job keeping them from jumping subjects as they tend to do when backed into a corner. And I don't think your reasoning is way off. It sounds pretty balanced to me. All in all, I think that was a tactful way to push back without being beligerant.

wonderwoman

**So, they were telling me that a one night stand is more forgiveable in the eyes of Jehovah than a long term respectable relationship resulting in marriage. ; ;

Am I way off here or is this really stupid thinking on their part?**
Isn't it??
No sex with your supposed life partner, the mother/father of your possible children, your mate. BAD BAD!...but taking home that hotpants from the bar after too much whiskey is forgiveable.

AudeSapere

Am I way off here or is this really stupid thinking on their part?

It's really stupid reasoning on the part of the cult.

I did manage to get alot of closeure from this meeting and I don't think they will ever return. I played nice and told them we would love to have them over to our house some night to grill out some steaks and hang out, but they said since I am not in the Org., that was out of the question, I actually felt kinda sorry for them.

As I recall you were hoping to not hurt their feelings. Seems that you were open, honest, and direct. They did the best the could to reciprocate but actually come across as isolationistic cult members. They sort of said: "You're not good enough for us to waste time with."

I know that they were very kind and supportive while you were going through that drama a few years back. But it does seem that they really more interested in furthering 'Kingdom interests' than in being true friends to you.

Are you happy with the way things turned out? How did you feel after they bolted from your worldly home?

-Aude.

snarf

Thanks!!! I think I did a really great job, my 12 year old was sitting there the whole time and she even said"that doesn't make sense".

They left after I debated for 2 hours on a person's "heart condition". I informed them that just because I didn't go to any meetings, associate only with witnesses, preach the bible at every chance I got, doesn't mean my "heart condition" was any less valuable in the eyes of Jehovah than theirs. Only God knows my "heart condition" , not them or any other group of imperfect men. Just because I will never go back to a kingdom hall or study again, doesn't mean I love God any less and my relationship with God is personal, between God and I only...no one else, and that no one had the right to pass judgment on me.

Then they left...lol.

luna2

This stuns me. I had no idea that you could be the one to commit adultry and this would allow you to be "scripturally free" to marry again. I think the sis who was studying with me never clued me in to this loophole because, as an honest and honorable individual, she probably was embarrassed to bring something like this up...and it easily might have come up because I was going through separation and then divorce while studying with her.

When I first took up with the dubs, I had this weird notion that JWs were all about personal accountability before Jehoober, honesty and moral behavior. What so many of them are really about is looking good to outsiders, sneakily finding ways around the scriptures and WTS "rules" and congregation politics. They give new meaning to the word, hypocrite.

snarf

AudeSapere -

I felt pretty good after they left. I was not mean in anyway, neither were they, other than the fact that they said we all couldn't hang out. I felt like I was heard, although they probably made excuses of me being to wordly for them to reach. It was also good for my daughter, cause she was also able to voice her opinions on some of her issues as well, and I think it taught her that she can agree to disagree with someone and still be respectful about it.

itsallgoodnow

ha! sounds like you made them squirm a little bit. good for you, not getting baptized!

sass_my_frass

I'm glad that it worked out well for you, in a way. I'm sorry though that they're not the friends you always thought they were, but it's good that at least you know that it's not you; it's them. They don't have to be deluded isolationist god-botherers, but they do enjoy it.

valkyrie

Luna2 wrote:

This stuns me. I had no idea that you could be the one to commit adultry and this would allow you to be "scripturally free" to marry again. I think the sis who was studying with me never clued me in to this loophole because, as an honest and honorable individual, she probably was embarrassed to bring something like this up...and it easily might have come up because I was going through separation and then divorce while studying with her.

Ahh, but there is a catch which may serve to prevent itchy-footed partners from conniving to instigate their own release: one would be "scripturally free" to remarry only IF the 'wronged' spouse declined to forgive the adulturer's sin. If your spouse is the soft-hearted [or, maybe, just sadistic... wanting to keep you tied to a joyless marriage!] type and indicates forgiveness, the marriage is not scripturally dissolved.

-V

I couldn't believe what I heard

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